My friend is cutting herself. she gets help, but always talks about her problem, what can i do to help?

Question

I really don't like seeing the cuts that she has all over her arms, and wrists. She thinks it's fun because her so-called "friends" do it. The marks are nasty, and she acts differently now. She is also cutting herself in really dangerous places by the arm, she gets help from our schools counselor, but it still worries me. What can i do to help, or what can i do to help her stop, i don't want to lecture her like a parent... HELP!!

Answer 1

Miss K you are a very brave young woman. I'm a little frustrated at some of the answers you received and the lack of empathy both you and your friend are receiving. I am a cutter, have a severe panic disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder. This actually is not as uncommon as you might think and the best way you can help her is by simply talking to your school counselor and ask her if she's heard of DBT. Since you say she already told you the counselor is helping her you're not violating a confidence and if the counselor is not familiar with Borderline Personality Disorder it would help her point your friend in the right direction. I don't believe your friend is doing it for attention it just feels all consuming and without treatment unfortunately you hurt your loved ones as much as you are in pain. Dialectic Behavioral Training (DBT) teaches you different distress tolerance skills among other things and she'll learn non harmful ways to curb her episodes. One person mentioned ice, that works great for me, alternating hot and cold running showers is also good and snapping a rubber band on your wrist also can be used as a substitute just to name a few. Bottom line is you are young too and not trained to handle her illness. You can feel good just by reaching out to the people who should be helping her and if they're really good they'll help you cope with caring about someone with a personality disorder. You deserve sympathy every bit as much as she does. Best of luck dear!

Answer 2

Usually people cut out of depression. It isn't usually an attempt at suicide, but it can escalate to that or lead to it indirectly through accidentally severing an artery or infection. Most " cutters" need mental release from depression and they find it through the release of endorphins that pain brings about. As terrible as it sounds... It actually makes them feel better physically for awhile and gives a relief from the depression that sometimes overwhelms them.

I don't know if your friend is cutting because of depression or if she has gotten caught up in some group of friends who are experimenting with this, like some one else might play with drugs. Either way, how sad that she is harming herself like that. It's obviously hard on you to bear seeing this. I hope you will tell her that and how much it hurts you to see her do this to herself. Make sure she knows she is responsible for bringing this pain to you as well,because you care for her.

There are some very good techniques for achieving pain in a non-harmful way.... such as sinking the hands in a bowl of ice. Maybe she already knows of these from the help she is getting and chooses not to use them, I'm not sure. But you could suggest she first contact you before she gets to the point of cutting, so that you can talk to her about it and if she can't or won't do that, ask if she would please consider some safer alternative.
Knowing you care and that it pains you when she causes herself pain is probably one of the best things you can do as her friend. She is lucky to have someone like you in her life and I hope she realizes this soon. I will remember you both in my prayers and hope that she will find a better way to cope very soon!

Answer 3

You need to be open and honest with her about her cutting. You need to let her know that you really care about her and her new habits scare you. If she is having trouble stopping the cutting, suggest using a red marker or pen instead of a razor. That way, maybe she will stop harming herself. When a person does this, it is a cry for help. They just need someone to love and be there for them.

Answer 4

Well sounds like she is doing it for attention. Act like you don't care by changing the subject when she talks about it. Look for reactions of being angry when you change the subject, and then you will know it is for attention. If she really wanted to cut herself because of an addiction, she would cut on places where it is not noticeable, like her upper leg. She is a cutter not and does not sound suicidal. If someone wanted to kill themselves that badly, they would go through with it and not let anything stop them. Good Luck.

Answer 5

From the sounds of it, cutting is a means for attention.

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity. Originally thought to be at the "borderline" of psychosis, people with BPD suffer from a disorder of emotion regulation. While less well known than schizophrenia or bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), BPD is more common, affecting 2 percent of adults, mostly young women. There is a high rate of self-injury without suicide intent, as well as a significant rate of suicide attempts and completed suicide in severe cases. Patients often need extensive mental health services, and account for 20 percent of psychiatric hospitalizations.4 Yet, with help, many improve over time and are eventually able to lead productive lives

people with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike). Thus, they may form an immediate attachment and idealize the other person, but when a slight separation or conflict occurs, they switch unexpectedly to the other extreme and angrily accuse the other person of not caring for them at all. Even with family members, individuals with BPD are highly sensitive to rejection, reacting with anger and distress to such mild separations as a vacation, a business trip, or a sudden change in plans. These fears of abandonment seem to be related to difficulties feeling emotionally connected to important persons when they are physically absent, leaving the individual with BPD feeling lost and perhaps worthless. Suicide threats and attempts may occur along with anger at perceived abandonment and disappointments

Answer 6

I can say, most definitely this is for attention. Next time she tries to show you, or complain about her life to you. Make fun of her. Tell her she is a douche and how stupid it is....and not to complain about things that she has no plan on improving on. This will do one of two things. She will either knock it off, or she won't talk to you anymore and continue her attention-whoring somewhere else. Either way, you're better off. Sorry if this was offensive, but I was in this spot once before when I was in high-school, so I am just being honest.

Answer 7

See self harm, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris on page 16: print/refer her.

Answer 8

You can't make her stop. Let her parents know. She has to make a decision here.

Answer 9

I think she needs a spanking from her parents. That is bad for people to do and also sinful! :(

Answer 10

Take away the blade.