Parents, just because you kid turned 18 do you feel it's now "Hands off" on what they do?

Question

On what issues do you feel you still have some say in what they do?

Answer 1

When they were 18 mine were still dependent on me. I took them back and forth to college, they lived at home until they graduated, and I paid most of their bills and kept up one of my daughters car, license and insurance(the other didn't drive). Even now that they live on their own, there are still things I help out with when needed. However, the hardest thing about having adult children is knowing when to butt out. An 18yr old isn't always an adult, but if they support themselves, then what they do is none of your business. It is always a parents responsibility to nurture and guide, that only ends when you die.

Answer 2

So many thoughts and suggestions on this matter. I have three children over the age of 18 one is out living on his own, one just graduated from college and cant afford to live on his own and one is in second year of college. We as parents still support the one who graduate to an extent... so it gives us the right to have some say as far as I'm concerned. Not that we really say much but when the need arises we do speak our minds. He has a choice either abide but some of the things we want or he can move out and try the real world on his own. Regarding the one still in school who is now 19 she is the most responsible out of the three so I really don't have to say or do anything where she is concerned. I really feel it all depends on the child for each is different and each mature at a different age. You will know when the time is right to back off... but as long as you are helping support them in some way you always have the right to speak your mind and hopefully they will sit down and discuss things with you.

Answer 3

If my 18 year old is still living under MY roof that I pay for, eating the bread on the table that I PAY for, then I most certainly DO have a say in ANY issue he or she would bring UNDER MY ROOF!!!! If I wouldn't let the child do drugs or smoke in my home at 15, then he won't be doing it at 18 or 19 or 20 or 25 as long as he or she is LIVING UNDER MY ROOF. Nor will he be sleeping with a girl or having wild parties... he will NOT come and go at all hours of the day or night and he STILL should inform me of his (or her) whereabouts when he leaves the home... if I'm giving him or her a free ride, then he or she BEST respect my rules, my house and MY rights or else he or she can find a job and move out on his or her own. Oh and by the way--I WAS a single parent and raised my son EXACTLY like that.... he left home at 18 for college, came back, stayed until he was 20, joined the Air Force, moved out, came back at 27 and stayed until last year... NO PROBLEMS and he followed the house rules.... we are EXTREMELY close and I am included in a lot of activities he is in along with his really nice girl friend....who he lives with NOT UNDER MY ROOF.

Answer 4

When my daughter turned 18, chose to move out and in with her fiancee, at first I was upset. I think parents have to let kids make mistakes. If they are not permitted to ever foul up, they won't learn. I think its a crap shoot, as some kids at 18 have more maturity than alot of 30-40 year olds. They can handle more. Others need more guidance.
The tighter you keep the reins on kids, the more they are apt to run wild. At some point, parents have to say, I know my kid is going to have sex, drink, smoke, maybe do a few drugs. Those kids have to know, they can do it, but there are consequences. If you flat out tell them NO to anything, I guarantee you will have kids with DUI's, in rehab,knocked up, and using inhalers.
Parents are parents even when thier kids get older. But as they see how thier children mature, seek jobs, healthcare, pay thier bills, get a house, a family, they accept things more. If you act responsibly at 18, they will give you more freedom, you dont', its a choice that might come back to haunt you later on. I never fully say hands off, I say, I am here, and if they need me, I will help out if they ask, not I will throw myself at them, forcing my opinions, morays, butting in.

Answer 5

I'm not a parent, but I'm a 19 year old so I have some experience in this department.

My parents still play a huge role in my life. I go to college so I dont live at home, but my parents still have say in most of the decisions I make, in terms of major things. They are helping me to pay for my education, food, living costs so I owe them respect and I listen to them. When i go home for weekends, i obey the house rules. It's also about being courteous though. When i come home for a weekend, I call and tell my parents if i will be out late, for example, so they don't worry.

They do not interfere with the private aspect of my life though. They don't tell me who I can date, what I should or shouldn't be doing sexually, if I can drink, things like that. Sometimes I tell my parents what is going on in my private life, but I know that if my parents were too nosy and "hands on" i wouldn't tell them anything.

Basically, we respect each other. They respect my space and i respect their need to still give input sometimes. When i feel like my parents are too involved, i let them know to please back off a bit. They tend to sometimes forget that I'm technically an adult. But they usually dont get offended so thats works fine.

i think the system i have with my parents works well. I have independence and my parents allow me to make my own decisions, but I am still too young to not get any guidance from them at all.

Answer 6

My kids are not 18 yet, but I will always have some say in a lot of things they do. I would always be their parent. Eighteen is too young to just let them decide for themselves. I remember when I was 18, I didn't always make the smartest decisions.

Answer 7

When my kids turned 18 they were still living with me so I felt like I still had a say on any issue that I had something to say on.My kids all ways asked for advice on all the important things and some things that were not so important.

Answer 8

When my kids turned 18, they were still living under my roof. Until they moved out, they were required to abide by the house rules. Our daughter moved out when she married at 20, our son moved out when he was 20. They have returned for visits, but have not lived "at home" since they were 20. When they moved out, THEN it was "hands off", as you say.

Answer 9

depends on whether they still live at home or not. i believe i have the right to tell them if they come home late to be quiet i have the right to know where they are going and make them carry a cell phone but if they live outside the home not much you can do as long as they live under your roof they still need to respect your house, rules, and you need to respect their privacy.

Answer 10

No. You simply have to change your role from parent to ADVISOR.