Parents, just because you kid turned 18 do you feel it's now "Hands off" on what they do?

Question

On what issues do you feel you still have some say in what they do?

Answer 1

YES! UNLESS the behaivor could influence their younger siblings.

Answer 2

"Hands Off" is when you "Move Out of the House". Period. End of Discussion. Senior year's finished, you leave for college, that's when I "back off". When you come home though, you still follow my rules in my home: it's called RESPECT.
I have 5 girls and have never been that control freak mom. As they've matured and proven to be that they can do something on their own and be trusted, at whatever age that may be, that's when I give freedom. My 3rd daughter will turn 18 on Dec 17. She's not going to have any more freedom in our home on Dec 17 than she did on Dec 16. What did she do in that 1 day?
My 21yr still lives at home while she communites to school. She knows she has to be in the house by 1am or find somewhere else to sleep because that's when I lock up the house and head to bed.
Problem? Find your own apartment.

I don't see an 18yr as an "adult" when a lot of them (NOT ALL) still act like kids. Then when they get into trouble they turn to mom and dad for help. What happened to being an adult? Hmmmm
Want to be treated like an adult? You need to act like one. A number proves absoulutely nothing.

Answer 3

I think that parents think there's no "gray area" on this.

If you live with your parents then there's some room for them to still have influence over your life.

Curfews? Maybe not. "Please be home before ___ or call us so we don't worry that you died." That's a bit more reasonable. This is also the adult way to treat your children.

"Eat your dinner or go to bed hungry?" I think not.
"This is what I'm making for dinner. Eat it or figure out your own food." Definately better. Again, teaching your kids responsibility.

Screening calls is a no-no over 18. Asking for calls to end before a certain time to not wake up the house? Certainly.

The difference here is a matter of adult respect.

When your children turn 18, they don't magically figure out how to act like adults. And, on the chance that they didn't learn it in the last 18 years, you can expect this 'adult' process to take some time.

What you NEED to do is understand that they are only going to figure out how to act like grownups when you start to show them the way.

This means giving them the responsibility they need and letting them make their own decisions.

It also means TREATING them like adults. You can't play the "I'm the mom and that's why" card. You have to justify and explain things- why? Well at 18 most people should be able to rationalize/logic-out WHY something is the way it is so they can apply it in future!!


There's a HUGE middle ground with young-adult children *IF* they live at home.

If the children are financially independant and live on their own and owe you NO money, then you really have no right (or reason) to interfere in their life unless they're causing harm to others or themselves.

Answer 4

I too lived at home when I was 18, and I was still treated like a 15 year-old. Of course, that's the way my parents have always been- and will always be. As long as your kid is living at home, they should still have to follow household rules for the most part. Still, I think the "hands-off" transition should start slowly at about 16 or 17, as far as letting them learn to think for themselves and control thier own lives.

Answer 5

my kids are under 5yrs. but when i turned 14-16 i became self sufficient i bought all my meals clothes and only sleep at home most of the time. when i turned 18 everything was the same for me but my mom went threw some control issues cause i turned 18 and an adult, she called the cops on me for leaving once (for a birthday party for me with friends) and the cops told me and her that they couldn't do anything b/c i was 18yrs old they legally can do what they want and since they do live with you, here where i live you have to give them 30 days to leave if you kick a 18 yr old out. i did move out a month after turning 18yrs and lived on my own since.

Answer 6

I don't think it's ever "hands off." Even if they are not living in your home. When someone turns 18 they have oppurtunities that they may have not had before, i.e. going to nightclubs, smoking cigarettes, stripping, consentual sex. I don't think you should micro-manage your young adult, but keeping tabs on them isn't the worst idea ever. It's a good thing for them to know and understand that no matter what life may throw at them, you are in their corner to support them and assist them in finding an answer. I've seen it more than once- a Grade-A student making wrong social decisions and winding up in a place that I couldn't imagine them being in after high school. As we grow older we always need some level of guidance...whether you are 18 or 58. You don't want to dictate their lives, that will just drive them away and lose their respect of you.

Answer 7

I think I could offer some unique insight to this question considering I'm 18. Of course I can't answer about what I do, but I can tell you what my parents did and how I feel about their decisions.
So, I'm not perfect but my parents raised me well, I like to think. They really trust me, I don't drink, party, or anything, but I still live under their rules or I'm out on my own. Technically, I live 3.5 hours away on a college campus, but they've given me a car and money and paid for the college my scholarship didn't pay for. If I screw up, they're gone. And them I'm really screwed.

So, to conclude my ramblings.... My parents are NOT "hands off" and I like it that way. It shows that, even though I'm an adult, they still care about me and I'm still their "little girl." Even though your kids may not say that (I know I don't tell my parents that to their face) I appreciate all of their love and care. Just give them some freedom, but still give them advice. We like our parents' input! :)

Answer 8

When I turned 18 i was still living with my parents so they said they had a say in everything I did!! :)

Answer 9

no not hand off but definatly a little more freedom as fas as dating and curfews. i think there curfew should be 12 due to drunk drivers etc. unless they are at a movie or something that will end after 12. and i think they should be able to date whomever they choose but no sleepovers bf/gf should leave by 10:30. and no freeloading. other than that hands off it's thier time to learn and experience even if that means letting them go through some things. try not to help unless asked. it leaves them angry and feeling like you can't trust them to make thier own choices

Answer 10

If they are still in High School, it's business as usual until they graduate. After high school, if they live in your house, they live by your rules

Answer 11

Hands off? No way - they're still your kid, you're still their parent.