Ok, so I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. We have a child together but not married, we haven't had the best relationship. Any who, my whole life I have wanted to adopt at least one child. But just last night I found out that he's completely against adoption (yeah, I know). This is something I've wanted my WHOLE entire life, and now I can't because he doesn't like the idea??!! Do you think this is something to break up over? What would you do?
2007-10-17 12:04:10 · 25 answers · asked by kytta22 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adoption
I have a question for you, did your boyfriend and you plan your first child? If not, did he have an opinion on whether you should keep the baby, adoption, etc? Does he just not want to adopt children or does he not want to have anymore children? Honestly, you're asking this question because you are wanting someone to tell you yes, it is okay to break up with him because of this. And the truth is, it is okay. You can break up with him for any reason you choose. If you've always wanted to adopt, you need to make sure he understands that and give him the option if you don't want to be the one to bring down the Axe! Good luck!
2007-10-17 17:34:38 · answer #1 · answered by tat2mom1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You might ask him why he is against adoption. Tell him why you have always wanted to adopt. I also find it odd that this desire never came up in the 4years you have been together even more after you all had a child together. In the end there are only a few options 1. He changes his mind. 2. You leave him and find a man willing to adopt or 3. Stay with him and not adopt. You certainly don’t want him to just give in because no child deserves to be raised by someone who truly didn’t want them. Then again if this is something you have always wanted you may come to resent him. There doesn’t seem to be any easy fix.
If you two haven’t had the best relationship as you indicated in your post. Maybe you should end it but not just because of you wanting to adopt. You may have far more issues then just this.
2007-10-17 20:56:14 · answer #2 · answered by Spread Peace and Love 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Personally I don't find it be a good reason really. Especially since you should really be thinking about the child you already have and not a hypothetical one. But really, be honest with yourself. If your willing to break up over an issue like adopting are you really that happy with him? Maybe you need to think about how you really feel. I have a daughter with my boyfriend and I have always wanted to adopt. He doesn't. Ever. I also always wanted foster children and he doesn't. Ever. So I deal with it. Were partners so that a sacrifice I'm going to have to make because he and my daughter come first. I hope you guys work it out but listen to your heart. If hes not the right man don't stay.
2007-10-17 19:12:56 · answer #3 · answered by lovelylady 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋
A lot of men are not in favor of adopting. Biology means a lot to them. You already have a child together. Why not focus on that? He may change his mind down the road, or you might change yours and just have more bio children. Is he a good father and provider for your child? Does he treat you with love and respect? These are the things that truly matter.
2007-10-18 10:44:31 · answer #4 · answered by Mary 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's hard for me to put myself in your place, but I have a hard time seeing breaking up with the father of your child because he doesn't want to adopt with you. Once you have children, your life ceases to be only about you. What will be best for your child?
I would seek help in making the relationship better first and then worry about more children and how they will get to you.
2007-10-18 01:54:16 · answer #5 · answered by adoptive mom 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I agree that you need to examine your desire to adopt. What is your motivation? You say that you "haven't had the best relationship" with your child's father, and that is the LAST kind of relationship you should bring another child into - especially an adopted child. Do you want to adopt to "save" your relationship? If so, that is a really bad idea, and a very bad reason to adopt. I have seen middle aged couples do this and it has ended in disaster - including the suicide of one of their adopted kids.
You need to resolve your relationship with this man before you start playing with other people's lives.
2007-10-17 19:58:06 · answer #6 · answered by Julie R 3 · 9⤊ 0⤋
Before you take action, you may wish to consider that your boyfriend's stance may help clarify your goal. You say that you have wanted to adopt, "your whole life." Why? You already have a child. What is it about adoption that excites you?
Is it the notion that you will help rescue a poor unwanted baby? If so, your intention may be self-serving. If your intention is otherwise, such as wishing to give back to the community, then perhaps your motive is pure, detached and unloving, but still pure. No one can answer this question but you. Before you remove the father of your child from your life, please consider your motivations. Good luck, and I mean this sincerely.
2007-10-17 19:43:27 · answer #7 · answered by Tobit 2 · 7⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you immediately want to break up with him shows there is zero love in the relationship - you are just comfortable with him and want him for stability, and probably for sex. So you have a choice to make - are you uncomfortable with him or do you just not like him, or is it just the one decision you do not like? How does your child feel about both of you?
In the end, if you want to stay with him, tell him its time to stop beating around the bush and get married - and if that is a no-go then its time for you to find someone who WANTS to be with you, someone you might actually be in love with instead.
2007-10-17 19:13:56 · answer #8 · answered by MrKnowItAll 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Breaking up over opinions and desires are something you need to think about. You've invested 4 years of your life to break up over a disagreement. He may feel like that today and next week the opposite. You just need to talk it out. You two already have a child, just make sure it something you both mutually want.
2007-10-17 19:13:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
You are raising a child with someone and you are thinking of breaking up with him because he doesn't want to adopt another child who at the moment is hypothetical anyway?
If you care for him then no you should not break it off.
Children don't like it when their parents break up. Personaly, I think you need to focus on the child you have and try to preserve your relationship.
2007-10-17 19:41:39 · answer #10 · answered by Isabel A 4 · 7⤊ 0⤋