Im 21 and pregnant and my boyfriend and i are very excited, until he told his family, i need help!?

Question

He told his parents a couple days ago and they flipped. We are from different cultures but it has never been a problem until now they dont want their son to marry outside his race. They are pushing him to make me get an abortion, they are lying to him making me look bad so that he will change his mind. We both want the baby but now he has second thoughts becasue of his parents approval. I am not going to let anyone make me get rid of my baby, but i need for him to be ok with this. I need advice PLEASE!!!!!

Answer 1

The best thing you can do (as hard as it might be) is to remain calm. If the parents are like that they're looking to raise hell.

And when you speak just tell him calmly, "I'm not having an abortion." You could also first ask him what he wants to get his headspace.

Answer 2

Hi,
1st-Don't look forward to your boyfriends parents being okay with this. This doesn't mean they won't. It's just that these things take time. It doesn't have to be even about race. At 21 you are very young and you cannot possibly know everything that a person who has had and raised children know. Therefore, your boyfriends parents anxiety is probably more because of your age and marital status.
2nd-Try your best to get along with them no matter what if you want your relationship to work. Don't do them any favors by helping them make you look bad!
3rd- Know this...that baby is YOUR baby and is in your body. You will live with the decisions that YOU make about this child. Make sure you are prepared for whatever you chose and be okay with others accepting it or not-even your boyfriend!

I wish you the best of luck. I have 3 children and my husband and I had our first child my first year of college when I was 19. We are curently happily married and the advise above comes from experience! Use it or lose it!

Answer 3

I'm sorry that they are so closed minded, but stick to your decision and tell your boyfriend that he's an adult and he can't let his parents control his life. He has a difficult decision to make, his parents approval or his girl and baby. He might even lose his relationship with his parents over this. Tell him you understand the situation but if you were planning on getting married and having children then you would have to deal with his parents eventually. If you are meant to be together you will be, but you need to seriously consider plans for being a single parent, because he seems to be leaning towards what his parents want over what the two of you want. Good luck, Hun, and no matter what happens you can be a great mother.

Answer 4

You are right that no one can make you get rid of your baby. It is not a disease or a bad rash, but a child. The way that they react, it seems that it has always been a problem for them, but they never thought that he would get that serious with you to begin with. You need to have a really serious talk with your boyfriend. If they are making you look bad, do everything you can to make sure that your boyfriend sees the good in you that he has been a witness to up until this point. As for his parents, you have to let them know that it is already a done deal. Let them know that you want them to be a part of your child's life, but that it will be hard to do if you are feuding. Whatever you do, try not to get into it with them. That would only give them more "proof" to give to your boyfriend. As for your boyfriend, let him know that you love him and the child that the two of you conceived out of love. But if he can't respect your decision, then the two of you (you+baby) will have to love him from a distance. If you do decide to go ahead and have the baby, it's pretty likely that once they meet their granchild, and spend time with him/her, some of that tension will ease anyway.

Answer 5

His parents are probably just surprised by the news and are not ready to be grandparents.

It is not their decision and hopefully he is strong enough to tell them he is excited about the baby and is in love with the mother.

Try not to "freak out or complain" about his parents around him. Instead explain that you understand why his parents might feel that way, but you don't agree with them. The more logical you are, the better chance you have to have a happy daddy and happy grandparents down the road.

Try to avoid the fight at all costs. If you are going to have this baby no matter what, then find peace with everyone the best way you can. Even if your pissed off at someone or something that was said, just ignore it and be the strong one. Your future family will see you in a different light.

Sometimes fights are won not by what you say, rather then what you don't say.

Answer 6

Your husband's family cannot push you to get an abortion....since IT IS YOUR BODY and ULTIMATELY YOUR DECISION. Its bad that his family has a problem with this, especially since the race issue was not an issue until news of a little bundle was mentioned. Your husband needs to realize that this is his life and it is his decision who to marry, not his parents. I understand that they have thier own beliefs and have possibly come from a different country, but things are done differently here in the US. Parental approval is one thing, but like I said earlier this is your decision to keep the child or not. Its your body. But you also need to involve the father of the child and you need to make it known to him that you want this child and will not do something you disagree with....dont let him make this decision for you. I let someone do that to me....and I have forever regretted it. Think about this very, very carefully.

Answer 7

You need to talk to your boyfriend about it first. If your boyfriend is on the same page as you, then you both need to sit down with his family and talk to them and just let them know you understand where they are coming from; however, you feel it's best to continue with the pregnancy and have the baby. Be as nice as possible about everything and try and not argue.
As for everything else, tell his parents that now a days it's completely normal to marry outside of your race. And also, you two wouldn't have been together in the first place if you didn't think you could be married happily one day to eachother so make sure his parent's know that. His parents have a choice on whether they want to be involved in the child's life; however, let them know you would love your child to have them as grandparents.

Answer 8

Having a family disapprove is very difficult, however race should not matter!!!!! That is very discriminating!!!! You are the mother of his child, the two of you created life. My sister got pregnant when she was 15 with twins yet!! At the time we thought it was the end of the world, however she is now 18 and she wouldn't trade them for the world. Everything happens for a reason. You both should be excited, his parents will except the fact and they will love the baby, how could they not.

Answer 9

stand your ground girl! nothing is more powerful than a child he will love that child like there is no tomorrow no one can force you to do anything i say keep that precious little thing and as your pregnancy continues he will love that child and you more and more each day if you want the child fight all the way you cant bring it back once its gone whos to say that if you did get an abortion that he might chanege his mind and want that child but it will be gone and then might add extra starin on your relationship!

do what you want its YOUR choice you dont know it yet but that baby is the best thing that will ever happento you!

you havent experieced life till you have a child i am 23 but i was blessed at 19 i hope this advice helps you make a good decision

Answer 10

Keeping it or abortion is a decision to be made between the parents of the to be child. If his parents think its wrong they don't have to see it. Then it would be just like they never had the grand child. If you two want the baby and decide to abort it you will probably either split up or regret it forever. I guess it depends on how long you plan on being with eachother. If you had a future child you would still think about the first one you could have had and it would probably break your heart. Although if times are rough and it doesn't seem like a good time... well its really a mutual decision to be made. good luck.

Answer 11

well, if he really wants the child as much as u want him/her, he wouldn't even have second thoughts now! it really depends how culture and all those stuff r important to him. To me, coz its not important-not that it is not but my relationship n my love would nt be even affected by cultural differences a little bit, coz simply love is so worth not followin ur cultural point of views. I mean at the end of the day, u guys r not goin to live WITH ur cultures, u r going to LIVE and LOVE each other. His parents should just back off! try talk to them first n convince them u r in love n both of u want this child badly, but first make sure ur bf is 100% on ur back, if none of talkin works n ur bf is not happy to stay with u n just turn his back to his family, then its better not to have the child, n ofcourse not to stay with that guy either, coz I cant imagine how he could possibly say I don want this child coz my parents are not happy with it, I mean , who gives a damn what his parents think, sorry if I sound angry, its just so irritating! Good luck to u anyways.