Dear Friend
I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good
this year, and since you have, I will be telling my elves to make some
goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas.
I was going to bring you all the gifts from the "Twelve Days of
Christmas," but we have had a little problem up here. The Twelve
Fiddlers Fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the Ten
Ladies Dancing. The Eleven Lords a Leaping have knocked up the Eight
Maids of Milking, and the Nine Pipers Playing have been arrested for
doing weird things Four Calling Birds, Three French Hens, Two Turtle
Doves, and the Partridge in a Pear Tree have me up to my *** in bird
shi*.
On top of all this, Mrs. Claus is going through menopause, eight of
my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the Gay Liberation and
some dumb-@ss has scheduled Christmas in Poland for the 5th of February.
Sincerely,
Santa
2007-10-17 11:24:37 · 25 answers · asked by Jim Jnr M 6 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Scuse me? I'm Polish. What is that supposed to imply?
And what the heck are you talking about, 5th of February?
I take offense. -seethes-
2007-10-17 11:37:17 · answer #1 · answered by d 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Ten signs Santa has marraige problems
He's replaced all the elves with scantily clad Swedish exchange students
Mrs. Claus calls him "that fat freak in the red underwear"
He traded in his sleigh for a van with a waterbed
He's been spending a little too much time with the life-sized Holiday Barbie
His new live-in personal elf valet, Steve
Mrs. Claus having cybersex relationship with accountant from New Jersey
He knows when she's been sleeping, he knows when she's awake, because he's bugged the bedroom
Lately, she keeps "forgetting" to tie her robe when she brings the elves their morning coffee
Stockings aren't the only things he's been nailing in front of the fireplace
Not a creature is stirring in Santa's pants
2007-10-17 12:30:19 · answer #2 · answered by daffydd max 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to read about this. Bless your heart. Yes, you can get a restraining order on him. Go to your local court house and get that started. Then, after you fill out the paperwork, namely the petition with all the details filled in, then you'll get a temporary restraining order, and then you and your ex will get to go before a judge to see if you can make the order permanent. A restraining order is based on fear. If you fear him or fear what he is going to do, or fear what he may do to you, then you have a good strong, solid basis for an order. Do you have copies of emails he's sent to you? IM's? Any recordings where he's threatened you? You'll need those when you go to court. You can also go to your local rape and sexual abuse center and explain the situation to them, and they can point you to an attorney who will work with you for a reduced fee to ensure that you get the protection you need. Once you get the order, you have to be proactive in enforcing it. If he even sneezes in your general direction, then have him hauled into jail. Good luck.
2016-05-23 05:36:51 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Brilliant pmsl 10/10 x
2007-10-17 18:57:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG!!!
i didnt realize that Santa had all those problems and we thought everything was hunky-dorry in the North Pole!!!
2007-10-17 13:12:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Got to have a star for that Jimbo
2007-10-17 18:50:52 · answer #6 · answered by BRIAN M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ha Ha! Funny! 10!
2007-10-17 12:32:10 · answer #7 · answered by cats 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guess Santa won't be filling my stocking this Christmas :(
2007-10-17 13:23:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Guess I'm on my own this year in the gift department! lol
2007-10-17 12:30:43 · answer #9 · answered by Polar Molar 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hehehe, sound like christmas might be cancelled this year, pmsl hun
have a star
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
2007-10-17 11:41:01 · answer #10 · answered by tastybits 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋