I don't know how i do it,but whoever i date always ends up either abusing me physically or emotionally. I was a victim or rape as a young teenager. Im now 25 & feel like very thing I do when it comes to dating is related to the rape. I have started hooking up bc I don't want to be involved, in case the man would hit/hurt me in any way. I have sex with men I barely know, just to prove myself I can have sexual relationships (& that the rape didn't screw it all up for me). I have now been seeing this married man for about 6 months (i am not proud of it). He is crazy about me and talks about leaving his wife & having a child with me. I don't know if I believe that, but my point is I wouldn't even want to be with him if he were single, bc every time I'm in a relationship, I hit a new low. So after deep reflection, I am now considering just having his child and not having to deal with men, focusing on this baby, not feel lonely, and having someone to love unconditionally. Is it really wrong?
2007-10-17 11:12:09 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thank you all for your answers...
I have been in therapy for about a year and half, but I feel like I am only slightly better than when I first started. It's just not helping.
And to clarify, having this child is not a purely selfish thing. I have so much love to give, and every time i tried giving it, it came right back in my face. I don't have any close friends (i have trusting issues obviously, since that rape occurred bc of a mistake by my best friend at the time) and my family has just given up on me. I am a very giving person. Too giving, and I need to be able to give that love to someone who will take it and not hurt me. That's why I am considering doing that.
2007-10-17 11:56:38 · update #1
That's an interesting reason for having a child. Might work. Who knows? Would satisfy that biological drive to procreate and not involve being in a relationship, which you historically have trouble with. Beyond that it is suggested you do some prepartory work as any would be mother would. Consider your finances, living conditions, food and health coverages. Also the time you have to spend at home with the baby. Single mothers all over are successfully raising families. Understand it is a 24hr a day endeavour and there is no going back. After deep reflection you decide you can truly meet all these requirements and you know the meaning of responsibility, then go for it. But if you feel the slightest doubt then it's not a good idea.
2007-10-17 11:33:36 · answer #1 · answered by eagleman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes , you are very wrong Jayjay. I recommend that you seek some counseling for your bout with rape. Rape can be a life long hinder of judgment act if you don't deal with the long lasting effects. The rape that happened to you as a younger teen and is still having a huge effect on how you see yourself and men in general. You don't need to prove yourself in anything, it should come naturally. Having a child because you want to focus on this baby is not a good idea. The baby will not stay a baby for long and it is not good. You will be short changing the child by not allowing the father to be part of his or her life. Having a child should be a two person choice, not because you are able to have kids. You said, you wouldn't want to be with him if he was single. So why make the child suffer without being around its father?
2007-10-17 11:28:05 · answer #2 · answered by Kaya M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is wrong to have a baby to deal with the guilt of being a rape victim, especially when the father is a married man.
If he's so desperate to get out of his current marriage, what are the possibilities that one day he'll be desperate to get out of the relationship he'll have with you. He'll maybe only leave you alone with a young baby and you'll be at step one again.
Also it's not right to have a child and to raise it when you're still dealing with your demons.
I recommend you seek guidance soon. Talk to your doctor and he/she can recommend a good therapist. Both the doctor and the therapist have to abide by patient/doctor confidentiality, so you don't have to worry about your problems becoming public. Also you can confide in some close friends or family.
I truly wish you good luck and I hope you can defeat your demons. :)
2007-10-17 11:21:50 · answer #3 · answered by Jamie G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-13 00:03:19 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a child won't help you feel better A child will only make you feel more lonely and lost. Don't give up on guys just yet, there are tons of nice guys out there for you who aren't married and who don't want to hurt you. Your only 25. You need to end your relationship with this guy and start new. Idk if your religious but a temple or a church is a great way to meet a great gentle guy. Be the kind of girl the kinda guy you want would want to date.
2007-10-17 11:20:37 · answer #5 · answered by Manda M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A baby can't do that for you. They grow up. They leave and sometimes it might feel as if their love has conditions. What could you give this baby if you don't heal yourself? A perpetually sad mama. You shouldn't have a baby because of what you hope they give you, but what you can give to them. No one can feel you up or make you feel you are lovable. Stop having sex, see a counselor and take this opportunity to focus on you, learn how to love you unconditionally and to be your own best friend.
2007-10-17 11:30:16 · answer #6 · answered by xtremesummerraine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Do not get pregnant
2. All cheating married men claim they'll leave their wives
3. Get into therapy to regain your self-respect
4. Realize many victims of sexual abuse act out sexually and it is self-destructive.
5. Give yourself a chance. You're worth it.
2007-10-17 11:21:33 · answer #7 · answered by beez 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should stop having sex. You need to discover who you are. You need professional help in dealing with these issues. Please get help before you bring an innocent child into your twisted world. I care. I will be praying for you.
2007-10-17 11:18:45 · answer #8 · answered by robee 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with disco stu...sheesh, girl!!
get counseling and then put a period on this behavior and find someone who loves you.you love, who is reliable, employed and NOT MARRIED.
2007-10-17 11:17:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You REALLY need some intense counselling. Stop doing ALL of what you are doing.
2007-10-17 11:15:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋