Should I tell my family I'm getting HITCHED?

Question

My b/f and I love each other and we've been together for a sometime now and we live together. We've planned to get married one day just not so soon. Well he decided he wants to go into the military and he wants to marry me and have me come along. I know it's a different life style, but I feel like I can handle this. So I'm ok with it.
Every girl would love a big wedding. It's just were VERY tight on money and everyone we know is to.
Plus they live far.
So we decided that we'd go to City Hall and do this.
None of my family or his know about us and him going in.
We BOTH decided we wont mention anything untill were situated to have another wedding but this time with our family and friends.
The prob is I feel guilty for not telling my family. His family wouldnt mind either way.My fam wouldnt be as supportive.
Do you think I should tell them or just surprise them?!?

I feel more hesitive about telling my sister than my mom, dad or brother b/c I know they would ok. Also I'm close with my brother and he's away in college in another country. He's not going to come home anytime soon. My sister her and I havnt always got along and I feel like theres a high chance of her being close minded about our "event". It just seemed easier not to tell anyone right now and do it on ower own for now.
They'd except it easier then than now.
What I care about is have everyone I care about get along and be happy for us.
I can care less about the gifts.
I

Answer 1

I'm sorry but it sounds like you want to be married in secret and also want to have a big wedding later for the big gift-grab. Honey, if you love this boy truly, madly,deeply, then you must decide to marry him now and tell the world - or to put it off until you can afford the big splashy wedding. No marriage that is done in secret for any reason is beginning on good ground! If he is going into the military, you will NEED your family!! The "future wedding" will never happen. Money just is always needed for things like rent, food, BABIES! So then in 2 years how do you tell your folks that "oh, we got married. We just didn't want to tell you." That is very hurtful!! As a parent, I can tell you that your family will want only the best for you, and if the BEST means having a tiny civil ceremony, then so be it. But do not keep it a secret! Let your parents - both sets - know that he wants to join the military, that you want to be married, and that you're broke. You may be pleasantly surprised. I know that most parents would find the resources to have at least a modest reception and celebration for you NOW, and then be there for you whatever happens. You are going to be lonely. You are going to be afraid. You need your family and he needs his. Come on. Be mature and do the right thing. Even if your family isn't totally supportive, at least they won't be able to be upset about not knowing.

Answer 2

Another vote for 'tell them'. Secrets like this always come out, and in the end, they just hurt people you love. First of all, marriage licenses are public records and hence public information. Also, the military will probably have to know you're married in order for you to be able to travel and move with him (not sure, though). There's no way they won't find out. And they will probably be very hurt and upset when they do find out. Don't start your marriage based on a lie.

Here's an idea: Have a very small wedding with just your parents and then have a vow renewal ceremony and big party a few years later when you can afford it. Get married in the court house or in someone's home or in a park, and then have dinner at a nice restaurant for your reception.
Besides, there are plenty of men and women who prefer small, intimate weddings to big ones. Don't let the wedding industry make you feel like a big wedding is better and that a small one isn't a 'real' wedding. What matters the most is that you'll be married.

good luck.

Answer 3

I would be up front and honest with both sides of the family. Tell them that because of time, DISTANCE,and finances, you've decided to get married just the two of you. That in a year or so you will have a HUGE party to celebrate your union. I'm a military wife. It's hard to plan stuff when you don't know what the schedule is going to be like arrgghh! I wish you much joy in your happy day,a nd good luck.

Answer 4

Well do your folks and his know you two are going out? If so YES, you should tell them your getting hitched. But about that ARMY thing girl the army is tough what if you both get sent to war but at diffrent times. You guys are not going to really be together if you both join the ARMY. I think you should get married have a beautiful life, kids, and both get good jobs better than the ones you have now so you can have enough money for whatever it is you want, and tell your folks. I belive if you belive that you can become a millionare then you will so girl be honest with your folks and think about what i said, even though you don't know me.

Answer 5

Why wouldn't you tell your family? Unless you hate them all and don't want to talk to them again - by all means, tell them! They deserve to be "in" on one of the most important decisions of your life. It doesn't matter if you have a "wedding" or not - the important thing is that you are *getting married*, and it is something you family will really want to know about. I think they will be more supportive than you give them credit for.

Answer 6

Tell them. You should be understanding of their feelings. After you tell them and still want to get married go ahead. As for the military thing, he will be gone for a while and you will not be with you will be alone. So, telling your family would be a good idea in case you would like to go home while he is doing his training. Good Luck!

Answer 7

I don't see any point in keeping it a secret if they won't mind.

They will be more upset that you did NOT tell them than if you did beforehand.

Plus they may decide to help you fund the wedding and that way you'd at least have something better than City Hall. And btw, everyone who goes down to City Hall and says they will have their big wedding later NEVER does.

Answer 8

Let me tell you, I told my mom the day before me and my hubby got married, if you really want to choose to be a military wife...its a long haul.....and u love him, do it! Just let everyone know, they don't have to approve. It is your life your living! I just celebrated my two year anniversary. My family never met him until two weeks after we were married! They love him more than anything and now understand why I married him...good luck!

Answer 9

it is up to you, but i did the same thing. my hubby and i were in the military and in order for me to get transferred to be with him, we got married with a JP and that was it. didn't tell our families until almost a year later! i feel bad about it now, but at the time, i was nervous about what they would have said, so i did what i had to do. and it wasn't like our families don't like each of us...just felt right to do it and get it overwith so that we could be togther. good luck in whatever you decide to do, just remember that you aren't the first, and you won't be the last. :)

Answer 10

Tell them, if you and your bf are happy and in love you should do it. tell them that you and him have made this decision to be together and that you will be getting married at city hall, not going overboard bc you cant afford it and do not want to put anyone else in a bad place bc you are expecting them to help. ask them for their blessing and support and i'm sure they will give it to you both!

if you wait and surprise them, they may get upset and feel betrayed that you did it for reason you dont want to share.

good luck