help me please....?

Question

i have a family problem and i really need ur help, i feel so fustrated that i want to suicide





I love my mothers family more than my fathers....its because my mothers family actually cares about me shows affection...right now my nanu is here and i am getting along very well, my dad seems to be irratated because when some members of his family come to my house ( i live overseas) i hated them for so many reasons....


and now i am missing my nani and insisting her to come as well my dad is angry and when i ask him why he does not say anything.....


i want to tell my dad that please don't be angry you cannot force me to love your family......




tell me why is it that in indian families there is always some kinda of competition that you have to like my fam or that my fam is betta than urs



i hate my daddy's fam, but he is different that is why i love him more than anything..... but i hate his fam...they don't shower, they stink of B.O... etc they liv in UK

Answer 1

You have to remember, even tho you may dislike your fathers family, they are your family and will always be. Try to look at the good side of his family. There must be something good about them. I am sure everyone has some relatives they adore and some that they feel like they can live without, but you must remember they are blood, and if it wasnt for your fathers family, you wouldnt be here. Just love them and try to get along with them, you lose friends throughout the years, but your family is your family forever.

Answer 2

Well suicide is not the answer to bad smelling family members, so you need to drop the drama and really think how to come up with a good solution.

The female side of his family, you could entice with nice bath items that the just have to try out.

The men, well stay away from them if they smell.

The bottom line here is that you are homesick for you Nana. Bless your young heart for caring so much for grandma.

You need to call her often or email/write and let her still continue to guide you and comfort you, just long distance.

You will not always be a kid and soon you will be able to make your own decisions and go where you want.

But you must honor your father/mother so do not be rude, OK.

Answer 3

this is not just a problem with Indian families. My fathers family was the same, they showed no affection, that did not bother me and i was not close at all to them, we immigrated shortly after them, my father also showed no affection, to some it is a sign of weakness, passed on generationally. In a way it destroyed his children and he is paying the ultimate price in his old age. But my mother's family although very small and still in the old country, were so close, i loved them dearly. When we immigrated, it is said, that i did not talk for 4 yrs. I have absolutely no recollection of those 4yrs. even today, but they don't seem to realise i must have been traumatized at leaving my grandparents. Although, he never seemed bothered by me not liking them. I was not even upset as they died off. But i did hold my fathers inability to show affection to us against them. I think if you can, you should find a quiet moment to express to your dad, your feelings of why you are closer to mother's family and that it is only natural, i think he might already see this difference, it could be he's more upset his family aren't as affectionate as he would like them to be. But make sure to let him know, you think he's different from them, and whether you do or not, for the sake of his feelings tell him you still care very much about them.

Answer 4

I'm not so sure that it's an Indian thing...... I've heard of these things happening in lots of cultures. You know- you've got to take the frame of mind that- no matter what- you are only one person- and you can't help how you feel. You are entitled to that. Do not obligate yourself to like anyone you don't. All you are obligated to do is be polite and respectful. Recognize that while they are all part of your family- there are some you feel closer to than others. Try not to think "hate"- it's such a strong word, also- please don't think of suicide- there isn't anything in this world worth not wanting to see tomorrow.
Find someone to talk to- it will mak you feel better. Don't let anyone make you feel like you are a bad person. You're entitled to feel the way you do- thats the bottom line.
Take care of yourself.

Answer 5

Nothing it worth the frustration that this is making you feel. It sounds like you are being torn apart by loyalty and feeling like you are betraying your dad.

You aren't!!!

In some cultures, the separation of the individual and the family are almost indistinguishable. Your father sounds like he broke out of the mold that his family fits in and treats you warmly and with love.

Your dad needs you to tell him why you love him so much.. maybe a letter would help. Tell him the qualities that you admire in him. Also tell him the pain that you are feeling at the thoughts of having to see his family.

Tell his that you are not emotionally strong enough to do it yet. That you mean no disrespect, but that you need to heal from the interaction. Have him see the differences that you admire that separate him from his family of origin. He probably feels disloyal to them and that he has failed. Show him how he has succeeded with you.

Ironic, isn't it what misguided loyalty can do to loving people - both you and your dad....

Please, be gentle with yourself. You can't make yourself love people, but you can see them as the limited individuals that they are on their life's path and feel pity and understanding for them.

Give this time. It has been generations in the making and will take time to change. I admire you. You instrinsically know what is healthy for you and are strong enough to take a stand for what healthiness you need to heal and grow.

Have hope!!! Joy to you...

Answer 6

well 1st if you feel suicidal then please seek professional help and talk with someone close by. 2nd I think there is much more going on if you feel suicidal over this situation. There is nothing wrong with not liking one side of your family and you have the right to express why you dislike them. Maybe your dad is hurt/jealous cause you don't feel the same for his side. It will be okay in a few years you can move out and be where you want and have Nani visit you and vice versa

Answer 7

He is upset because that is his family and he loves them. If he feels like you treat them badly that will hurt his feelings. put yourself in his shoes, how would you feel if someone you really loved and cared about hated your mom or dad? that would hurt you too. Also, nothing like this is worth taking your life. Things will work out, you just have to be patient. The world is better because we are all different and even though they may not show their love the same way your Mom's family does and they may have different habits than you, doesn't make them bad people. they are just different. try to see what is good in them and try to open up to them and maybe things can change for the better!

Answer 8

You must say to your father, "I love you very much, but some members of your family do not treat me well and I feel I must avoid contact with them. I mean no disrespect to you, but we must all try to surround ourselves with people who care for us, and avoid those who bring negative feelings into our lives. We are not here long, and so must create as pleasant a life while we can for ourselves and those we love. I do love you very much, and I'm sorry I cannot extend those feelings to your family who are nothing like you. They bring me great sadness, and I know you cannot want that for your child."

Sometimes, however, for short visits, you must just try to keep the peace and spend time with them -- in a cool, respectful way -- just as you would put up with difficult people at work. You cannot always chose who is a part of your life, but you have complete control over how you respond to them.

Suicide over such issues is not a good solution. You will meet some of these annoying people in heaven and some may also be in Hell, so there's no escaping them. (You've heard the expression "stinks to high heaven"?) So, it's always best to find a solution on earth. If they are truly despicable people, who are not worthy of a few hours of your time, they are certainly not worth your entire life!

Every time you must encounter them, promise yourself a nice, soul-cleansing treat to recuperate like a massage or a pedicure or something that indugent and relaxing. It doesn't have to be expensive, just something special for yourself.

Also, writing a journal (or blogging right here) can be healing. Detail the heinous things they do, or nasty things they say, and you'll find yourself looking forward to getting something really "good" to put in your blog. It will de-personalize such encounters. Writing for me is always a healing process.

(My younger sister would take half a valium when she had to spend time with some unbearable family members. I saw her smiling and happy at a particularly difficult event and asked her why she seemed not to care, and she confessed her secret. Of course, now that she has children she cannot take this approach as she must always be razor sharp and attentive. But also being a mother has made her more appreciative of having family -- good or bad -- to be a part of their lives. She certainly likes the free babysitting!)

You must create your own happiness, and don't let anyone else destroy it for you. You are so lucky to have loving family on your mother's side, and the rest can be ignored as irrelevant.

Answer 9

everyone has that problem
even i do,
i love my mom's family to dead, & hate my dad's Family
my dad's family is mean, cheap & they only care about what they get & how much money they can get from us & all & whenever they call its all about money, money & money, they live in Indian while we're in US,

My mom's family is very fine, kind & they have never ask us for a penny,

its best to ignore your dad's family, that what i been doing for the last 15yrs, ignoreing them

Answer 10

ohh, i was going to answer your question sympathetically. till your last remark, then i thought , does this spoilt person deserve to be loved by these people, when she treats them with such disdain, UK? b.o. no bath?. well my husband comes from poor village family in Mysore, he is now in UK. i went to his village, they are lovely people, his Agi/ nan. is an old woman. bed ridden. i never judged these people and their poverty. washing in the street, all sleeping in one room. this is there way of life and i loved them, they made me welcome and this is all i wanted. HATE is a very strong word,