If you son had a deadly peanut allergy and a child at school knew it and taunted him with a peanut butter?

Question

sandwich at lunch. What would you do?
My son is protected under Title 504 in a public school for his severe peanut allergy. It has been a long road, but my son is very aware of his allergy and of the people around him and to avoid anyone with peanut butter. Our decision as a family was not to isolate our son at a peanut free table (which basically does not exist at the school...he theoretically would be sitting by himself.)
Today he tells me that a girl was purposely taunting him with peanut butter after he told her that he could possibly die if he ingested any. She held a sandwich in the air close to his face and waved it in a circle and yelled "oooooo" ... My son and a friend told the teacher after lunch what she had done and the girl was called aside privately and spoken to.
Should I take any more action with the school? A phone call? A letter to the teacher? What would you do?

He is in the third grade.

Wow what a great response. And all have been so helpful! I really appreciated all of your responses... well almost all : )... Anyway I sent a note to the teacher thanking her and asking her to call me after school. Stay tuned for an update.

The teacher called and I immediately thanked her on the advice of many of you. Then I asked her what she knew of the situation to make certain it is the same version as I had heard...and it was to a "T". I asked her what she said to the little girl and she told me that she pulled her aside and told her that her behaviour was not acceptable because the peanuts could harm my son or even kill him...and to NEVER do it again. I asked the teacher if the message had sunk in and she said absolutely that she felt the girl was very sorry. She also said that she did not feel this girl was a trouble maker or purposely trying to hurt my son.. just a "kid being a kid" as a few of you termed. I asked her if it was possible for herself or the school nurse or myself to come to the classroom to educate the students on food allergies. She immediately was very positive and said that she hadn't done so till now not to potentially embarrass my son. So..tomorrow his grade will hear all. Thanks!!!!!!!

Answer 1

First, the teacher seems like s/he has the situation under control. Thank him or her for that. That's what I would do. If there is a repeat, and the teacher doesn't escalate action (contacting parents herself), then and only then, go to the principal and talk about it. Why? Because he'll know you're getting involved, and that will cause him more stress, and make him feel more different and isolated than actual bullying will.

It's really cliche, but there are some things kids need to learn to deal with by themselves. Your son seems like he reacted well - he presumably got away from the girl and then went and told the teacher. You aren't going to eliminate idiots from your child's life, and this sort of bullying doesn't always go away: I had a college roommate who left jars of peanut butter on my shelf of the pantry whenever she was mad at me and one of my coworkers last year did pretty much the same thing to me that the girl did to your son. You can't force everyone around him to grow up, but you can help him deal with people who won't.

The point is, don't rely on the school to clear the idiots out of your son's way - they can't. They can keep blatant abuses to a minimum, but the important thing is that your son knows how to deal with them (and it looks like he does, so good job). Since he knows to tell the teacher, I'm assuming he'll let you know if this sort of thing gets worse or if it gets to a point where he can't handle it. It's a lot more responsibility than a kid should have to deal with, but he will have to shoulder it, and delaying that will only make things worse.

Answer 2

The school and yourself should monitor this very closely. You should know if the school notified the girls parents, they should have. If it has not already been done, a school nurse or counsellor should speak to your son's class and make them really aware that he is not kidding peanut butter can be lethal. The school and your child should have the appropriate medication on hand for immediate treatment if something does happen I know they probably have a rule saying all meds be kept in the office but this is one place where every adult he comes in contact with should be prepared.
I think I would also make it a point to thank the teacher for intervening appropriately. Teachers do not get enough money or Pats on the Back.

Answer 3

Your safest bet is home-schooling. Unfortunately, kids will be kids. If she or others who taunt him are penalized often enough, it's a harsh situation to think of but he may walk through the halls one day and suddenly find some delinquent's PB&J sandwich plastered to the back of his shirt.

Most kids don't understand the severity of death or fatal allergies and childhood for those with outstanding limitations such as these allergies is a very rough road in public schools, especially once highschool rolls around. Children will play and taunt and tease and they often tend to go too far.

Now that I might've frightened you into pulling you child out of that school, know that that little girl is also one step closer to understanding the consequences of not taking his limitation seriously. Over time, more people will become aware. He'll make friends who will probably spread the word, under penalty of "schoolyard quarrel."

I would consult the Vice Principal of the school about this until it's resolved.

Answer 4

In my opinion I think that you have acted correctly. Although when speaking to your son's teacher I think that you should ask her if it is possible to have an assembly on this topic for the entire school.

Students need to be aware of the seriousness of food allergies. In some cases the simple waving of the sandwich in front of a student's face could have caused a reaction. All children need to be aware and educated. I don't know where you live but there must be someone in your area that is trained to give presentations to schools. With the number of students having severe food allergies, I'm sure that your son is not alone at his school and students, present and future, could benefit from this.

Answer 5

The fact that the teacher said nothing to the principal is incompetent and unacceptable. I'm sure the principal would have called to discuss the situation with both parents immediately. It is an important topic nationwide and the reason that "peanut butter free" tables have been established. All of the students should be aware of the severity of a peanut butter allergy. My kids are very aware and so are all of the kids in their schools. What that girl did, knowingly or not, is the equivalent of holding a loaded gun to your son's head. You should reach out to the principal because he/she should be aware of the event so that they can be proactive in protecting all students. This is not coddling your son - I'm sure he can take care of himself by the way he handled the situation on the spot at the time this took place.

Answer 6

Unfortunately children can be cruel, they just don't no any better or have not been taught very well at home. I would probably call the principal just to make sure that this little girl was talked too and that she is being watched for a while. Maybe even have the principal or teacher speak with her parents and explain how dangerous this could be to your son.

Answer 7

If the teacher speaks with the girl and her parents, I personally wouldn't take any more action. It sounds like your son knows about his allergy and is smart enough to know his limits, and it's good that he got the teacher involved. Kids will be kids - it's amazing how mean they can be to each other at times. There is no way to "peanut-proof" your son, but making him aware and involved is a great thing to do and will most likely keep him safer in the long run.

Answer 8

Let it go...the teacher talked to the girl - hopefully she understands now. Kids will be kids...they don't quite grasp death and that sort of thing yet, so you can't really blame them. Sure, she was a little brat but most kids don't understand the severity of that situation. If your kid is already protected under title 504 then the school is aware...just tell your kid to stay strong, watch what he eats and make sure he has a good teacher who will look out for him in those situations. Don't push the issue, though. This is just a little girl being bratty.

Answer 9

If the girl has been spoken to you should let the matter rest unless she does it again. (I'm assuming she's not the sort who'd hold him down and rub it in his face or something.) I know it's your son's health at risk, but you shouldn't come down too hard on the girl for this one instance of taunting. You could end up with a situation where kids say "Don't go near him or you'll get in trouble". Just make sure your son knows the situation, and that the girl does too.

Answer 10

The same thing happened to my daughter in 2nd grade. I called the teacher and the principal. The boy was spoken to and told the next time he did something like that he would be sent home from school. The technical term is called BULLYING and most schools have a 0 tolerance for it.