How should I approach a parent about their child's behavior?

Question

My 5 year old daugther was playing in the kids zone of our local gym when she saw a classmate of hers (a boy) playing with another boy. The two approached my daugther and the classmate told the other child to "slap my daughter in the face" which he did - twice. I do not know the classmates mother, but I know I will see her this week and I feel that because he was the instigator it is necessary to inform her about what happened (I would definitely want to know if it was my child). I am just not sure how to approach the situation and because I don't know her I am unsure how she will react. Have any of you been in a similar situation, and if so, any advice?

Answer 1

You don't say whether you saw this happen, or whether you got the story from your daughter or from another adult, or.......

This is how I would approach it: "Hi, my name is Sally; do you have a minute? I don't know if you remember me, but our kids were together the other day at the gym, and apparently there was a problem. I thought you should know about it. What I saw happen (or heard happened), was that Tommy (or whatever her son's name is) and his friend were playing together and approached my daughter Melissa. I guess Tommy's friend suggested to him that he slap Melissa in the face, and he did, a couple times. I don't know if Melissa had done something to upset them or they don't get along, or if this was just some random thing, but I wanted to run it by you to see if you had any idea...... Is there some part of this picture that I'm missing? Do you have any ideas what happened?"

By doing it this way, you are not accusing her child of being "horrible," but allowing for the possibility that there MAY be more to the story, even though it's likely that there is NOT more to the story. This approach will point out the problem to her in the most disarming way possible. *Hopefully* she'll then apologize for her son's actions, and promise to address it with him. She may even thank you for bringing it up.....you never know.

Answer 2

Yes I've been in similar situations. My oldest son is special needs and he would walk home from school with his younger brother. One day a neighbour child says to my son I will give you $2 if you hit your brother. He hit his brother - got the $2! I hit the roof when I found out what he had done but was more upset with the neighbour kid. I went straight round there, gave the kid his money back and told the Dad what had happened. But the difference was that I knew the parents. Personally I would have talked to the instigator when it happened and not left it. Then if the mum wanted to say something she had her chance. You do need to let her know what happened now by simply approaching her and telling her the story (without anger on your part). If you keep calm so will she. Just this weekend my 3 year old was in a bouncy castle and another young girl grabbed him by the neck and he was choking. I screamed at her to stop and got him out of there! Believe it or not the parents were right there watching and didn't do anything! It's a jungle out there!

Answer 3

Yikes, I know how you must feel. You can just approach her by introducing yourself and wanted to talk to her about something that's been bothering you. Just let her know what you saw and that you thought you would let it pass but it just bothered you to much to let it pass. It hurt your daughter and you would want to know if tables where turned. Her reaction is all in the way you approach her. If you kind towards her an the little brat you will probably get a favorable responce. Best of luck to you. I can't stand little brats who get away with this stuff, it's just fuel to do it again....

Answer 4

Well, it sounds as if the one kid is exerting Bully behavior, and beginning to be the Leader, which has to be stopped. We all know this is wrong. If I was in this situation I would definately be approaching the parent with my kid and her kid.
And after explaining what you witnessed happening to your daughter I would then ask her how she could stop this type of behavior in her son. This will certainly make her think as a parent about her discipline skills. You need to stand your ground as well, as hard as it can seem to be, as this is very wrong for a boy to slap a girl especially at that age and not in self defense....Also, you mentioned that this was a classmate, so I definately would speak to the one in charge, be that the teacher, or principle for additional discipline to the boy who did the coaxing and the one who did the hitting. I think a conference type meeting would actually be in order, with all the parents involved.
Yes to the other answer, more than once with my son, and talking to parents. From bullying episodes, to a rock throwing situation, that grew into a fight with a girl in the 4th grade, of which the Principal handled very badly, so I simply withdrew my son from that school, and placed him in another school.(This proved to be the best thing I could have done for him by the way) At the time this happened, I worked for that school as a Campus Supervisor, and continuted there for 7 years. Another time later that year, during the Pony Bball season, as I was the Snack Bar Coordinator (Board of Directors position) and my Husband was a paid Umpire and the same kids that I had here at home for overnighters, and pool party afternoons, campouts in the backyard, etc etc, decided that my Son should steal for them candy from the Snack Bar (because I was in charge he wouldn't get into trouble). Well, he came in the Snack Bar sheepily and I saw him, and went to talk to him. He was obviously nervous, redfaced, so I questioned him. He wanted some candy. "No, it is too close to quitting time, and we will be eating dinner soon, so go on out and play til I am ready to go" He still asked and begged...I finally made him leave. It wasn't like him to keep badgering me for something I tell him no too. Well, a little while later, my Husband comes into the snack bar with my son crying Hysterically, and says "You know where I found him?" Well no...."He was in the equiptment room" and then he named the boys 5 of them that were our good friends Sons from 3 different families. Hubby proceeded to tell me that 2 of them had a bats and were just getting ready to beat our son because he didn't get them the candy from the snack bar...........My Husband walked in at the right time and believe me....I talked to all the parents gathered them around and in front of their kids.........Not only was I mad, hurt, and scared for my son......How dare you boys think it is ok to steal, then try to beat someone up because they have higher morals and values than you do....Yes those friends had red faces, and it all got talked out....I did my best to keep my kid from hanging with those boys as much...they were on the same team, so this complicated things a bit. But, we didn't have any more instances like this at the Baseball fields...because I made the Board of Directors aware, so we all were watching for this type of GANG -UP stuff. By the way my Son learned to be very tough, very calm, and rational. He doesn't like to fight, but now knows how, and is strong physically, and can hold his own quite well.

Answer 5

i have not passed a situation similar to this but i can understand how you must be ffeling since i am a mum of two boys! what i thik is to go straight and sepak to the classmates's mother...'cos she should definetly know about this situation what had happened and make sure that this doesn't happen to any other! speak to her casually saying like...hope you dont mind...i would like to talk to you about this thing ....and go on smoothly........tc

Answer 6

you should try to be calm and clear about how you feel about what happened. you don't need to be familiar with another parent to make it plain how you feel about your child being "abused" by another child. if she reacts badly, so be it. it's not you or your daughters fault that she was slapped. if that doesn't work, threaten a lawsuit (and mean it). she needs to take responsibility for her childs behavior. what if he was a biter or scratcher? that spreads disease and you would sue for Dr bills, so why not remind them that there are laws against this behavior and they are taking children to jail at younger and younger ages. so she should be very concerned