and he does not listen to our rules, and trys to take run of the house. right now i been looking for a place for him to move to.. i cant take his disrespect anymore, he also brings cops here daily and gets in trouble alot with law. pety stuf mind you, but police know him personlay and dont like him..my husband works midnites so he isnt much help. son is up all nite raiding our fridge and so forth, he does not pay rent or anything, just his phone bill. im asking here is it rude to just go get him a place to live, even if its a slum, since he cant afford much. but he is corrupting my house hold, has been since he was 16yrs old, now 23 yrs old...he refuses help or counsiling, he and i do not speak with out arguements he lies to his dad all the time on everything, he leaves all hours of the night and leaves my door open, returns about 10 min before his dad gets home, and usualy drunk. and loud..hubby had enough as well but feels sorry for him.. he also has a gf and baby..
2007-10-17 09:26:54 · 8 answers · asked by flowerlegz 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
permanent disablity, organ onhis body is diseased and detrioirating
2007-10-17 13:30:07 · update #1
He's an adult, and refuses to take responsibility for his life.
Give him a timeline (like a month, two weeks, whatever...make it fairly short), and kick him out.
All you're doing by letting him stay at home is enabling his very self-destructive behaviour, and it is affecting those around him.
He needs a boot from the nest. Time to make him fly.
2007-10-17 09:31:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
wow.... 23 years old and still at home, with a girlfriend and a baby? Yikes! He really needs to learn some personal responsibility. As a parent I understand that some have a hard time booting their kids out on their butts into the real world but sometimes that's just what needs to happen. You didn't really say why he is on disability though....may I ask? I was out on my butt by the time I was 17 - a bit sooner than I would have liked but I was a pain in the @$$ (I can admit that now but back then I was in denial). I lived with friends for the first while and then at 19 I got my act together. I've been paying rent and bills and all that jazz since then (I'm 25 now and a responsible adult - at least I think so). Looking back I'm thankful that my parents did that for me. It was a reality check that I was not really prepared for but I survived and so will your son unless he chooses not to. He can't be dependent on you forever and will need to learn that life and his actions has it's consequences. He may have to be the live and learn type...perhaps?
2016-03-13 00:55:37 · answer #2 · answered by Joan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like a big part of his "disability" is that you and your husband enable him. I have worked with people who have SEVERE disabilities, and that doesn't stop them from at least working part - time. Even if he doesn't, that's NO excuse for him to drink and act like a child; he's using his disability as an excuse. Give him a month to get a job, quit drinking, and start contributing to the household. If he doesn't, drive him to the nearest homeless shelter and drop him off. It's called tough love - if you don't do it, he'll still be controlling your house 20 years from now. He's not your little baby anymore, and you need to start treating him like an adult. Best of luck to you all.
2007-10-17 13:23:46 · answer #3 · answered by SoBox 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is clearly using his disability as a crutch, and as long as he is under your roof, you are enabling him to do so. If I were in your shoes I would tell him he has one month to get out of my house. I would not look for an apartment for him. He does not need mommy to keep helping him. I would kick him out at the end of the month, whether he had an apartment or not. He is 23 and has a child. In my opinion, anyone who is willing to accept the fun part of having sex has to be man or woman enough to except the potential consequences. I have met a lot of people like your son and the only thing that has got any of them through their petty BS was some really tough love from mom and dad. Get him out.
2007-10-18 04:55:09 · answer #4 · answered by wagnerzx22000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be easier if I knew if he was temporarily disabled or permanently....If he is or always has been disabled, there should be some organization you can talk to to help you set up something for him. No I would certainly not put up with it. About the 2nd time the Police came to my door about him I would have had him move out, and with a GF and a baby...hopefully they all aren't there with him being into the alcohol like he is and not responsible for anything....You didn't elaborate on the GF and Baby and where they live, and or could he go there??
......Here is how we got our son to move out........Sept of last year I told my Husband I was sick and tired of Calif. I have been here all my life and I wanted to move out of state, so I picked a state near my Aunt and Uncle, and we honestly decided that is what we would do...So we talked to our 23 year old son, and told him what we were going to do, He was visibly shaken, and in a few days, decided he didn't want to go with us, but it would be time for him to go out on his own. By November he moved into his first place. (A run down 700sq ft 1920's built shack) We helped him with everything he needed. Dishes, brand new bed, bedding, etc. over the next couple months. He did very well on his own. And avoided coming home for anything. He was conditioning himself to be on his own as if we lived in Texas. We still arent moved, but, all in all this caused him to grow up and get on his own. Despite the fact that he moved back home in June (the place he lived in became non livable...the foundation was leaning when he rented the place and got remarkably worse in the next few months so he was asked to move out to make repairs) Well, now that he has been back home for a bit, he is getting ready to move back out again, into a better place. He had grown up enough to realize he prefered to be on his own. Scraping by, etc was still ok because he said "I'm a Man now Mom"....
2007-10-17 10:36:30 · answer #5 · answered by Toffy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him one more warning. If he doesn't listen, start by changing the locks the next time he leaves. Next, pack up his stuff and leave it outside, waiting for him. It's too bad that he won't be sober to deal with the situation, but you have warned him many times. It's not fair to you and your other children. I wouldn't worry about the gf and baby - those are not your concern. It will be a long, hard night, but it sounds like some tough love would be the best way to deal with this.
2007-10-17 10:09:40 · answer #6 · answered by Teresa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
definitely time to say peace out. there's a limit to what a mother's love can accomplish, and he's apparently passed that long ago. the only way you're going to help him is by giving him the boot and forcing him to face the harsh reality of life. if you want to keep supporting his child, i think that is reasonable. after all, it's not the baby's fault she has a father who can't support her. help him get a job or help him get into rehab and help him get a new apt. that's the only way he'll make it.
2007-10-17 09:37:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Offer to send him to rehab. If he won't go, he has to move out of your house. Get a restraining order on him if you have to. It isn't rude. He is an adult and should not be living with his parents.
2007-10-17 09:31:33 · answer #8 · answered by kat 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
HI i am 24 and on disability....it does matter why hes on disability so can you please let me know why...so i can help you appropriately...according to his specific disabilities?
2007-10-17 10:14:07 · answer #9 · answered by Jewels 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋