do you agree with myself or my husband?

Question

hi

i picked upmy oldest daughter maddie (51/2) from school today and was told there was a note in her diary and that she had been very naughtey today, it said she had been answering back and she had refused to do several simple tasks 1 being to pack her bag at the end so after speaking with the teacher i went in to the class i spoke to maddie and told her i wasnt happy with her showed her the diary and she new she had been naughty i smacked her bum and told her that when we got home she was to go to the spare room and wait there untill i was ready to deal with her. She started to sulk because i had smacked her bottem and then i told her she was to say sorry to her teacher witch she didnt do so itook her back in and told her if she didnt appolagise she would have anouther smack and we would sit untill she did and shestraigh away said sorry and we went home when we got home she went straight to the spare room and i asked her why she thought i was cross and she said so i said she was

going to get a smack i put her on my lap and swatted her bare bum twice, but heres the thing my husband said to me now i should have straight away smacked her bare bum there and then and when she didnt say sorry like she was told smacked her botem again. in waysi agree with him and in others my self help please

it was not in front of the teacher the teacher was out side with the other kids and we were in the class room witch was empty

Answer 1

have any of these people stopped to think that maybe half of the reason we have problems with kids nowadays is because the parents are not allowed to disapline??? As soon as someone hears of a spank or two its Oh my god! Phone social services!! Personally I think you did just fine. But maybe, getting your husband to sit down and talk with your daughter with you, might help. Explain to her what it is that she did wrong and why your upset. It might help, it might not. All kids are differant.

Answer 2

well... my opinion is this... i think the entire situation should have been dealt with and when everything was said and done, the punishment for her behavior should have come into play... sometimes when we as parents jump the gun on punishments which only put the child in a defiant frame of mind. even though she was wrong, she probably did not like being corrected in front of the teacher or just knowing the teacher knew might have caused her to stand her ground on something ( not apologizing in this case ). how i would have handled it is like this... i too would have gone into the school, got the details of the problem, discussed the problem and why it was a problem, IF i thought my child was wrong, i would have told her why i thought she was wrong and require her to apologize. if she did as your child did, i would have explained to her that her punishment was going to be much worse if she did not try to correct this wrong by saying i am sorry... when i got home, i would have tore her butt though... find out the problem, discuss the problem, solve the problem and give consequences in accordance with the violation... :-)

Answer 3

There is a saying, that the punishment should fit the crime. I think this punishment you gave your daughter was way too much. Yes, she should have been reprimanded and spoken to about her not listening to the teacher, but to spank her several times in public was harsh for a 5 1/2 year old. And then also have her in a time out inthe spare room until you were ready to deal with her.....I guess you didn't consider the spanking enough of a punishment for such a small infraction. Did she give you an attitude? Talk back to you? Sneer? Yell at you? Not according to the story, so the punishment didn't fit the crime.

I am not one of these overly PC people, I have spanked my son, but when it was deserving. Both you and your husband are wrong in the way that you decided to handle this situation. There is another saying, the truth lays somewhere in the middle. You need to find a middle ground between passive parenting and aggressive parenting. I seriously suggest parenting classes for the 2 of you.

Answer 4

To the person who brought up social services... I am sure they are far to busy with abused kids not naughty kids who got a spanking. This new age parenting nonsense is ridiculous. Funny thing is look at the statistics has corporal punished has decreased, violent disrespectful minors have increased. I remember my father telling me about going to catholic school. He says those nuns could hit hard and from anywhere in the class. NO ONE disrespected them. How much respect does the average teen have for authority now when all they have to do is run to mommy and daddy when they get in trouble for something. And for all those who give me a thumbs down, keep in mind there is a BIG difference between spanking and beating. And, to answer your question both methods of punishment work...

Answer 5

Spankings are best given in privet! I don't think there is much of a point in giving a spanking with a bunch of on lookers. So i agree with you. If mine did this, I probably wouldn't swat them, I'd just take her home and give a good old fashioned spanking (yes-bare tush, like you said). Then the next morning she'd be apologizing to the teacher.

Answer 6

I don't agree with spanking and really don't agree with ever spanking in public. Even if there was no one in the room, your child's teacher was aware of what was happening and your daughter would know that. By spanking her there, with her teacher near by and aware, you embarassed her to the point that she was unwilling to comply and very angry at you for humiliating her. Under no circumstances should you ever spank on bare skin...that is totally inappropriate and in some areas would qualify as abuse. To even consider that in public is appalling..sorry but that is simply my opinion.

Rather than turn it into the battle of the wills it became, I would have taken her home and had her to go her room (or the spare room if you didn't want her distracted) and told her to figure out a letter apologizing to her teacher. You could sit with her, write it for her (and either turn it in that way or have her re-copy it if she is able) and talk about what happened that day and why. Once the letter was done, I would have given another appropriate punishment...no TV or straight to bed after dinner...while telling her that this is what would happen every time she acts out in class.

Answer 7

Alrighty, this is a tough one. First off, please disregard all of the comments from the dispicable people who think its appaling to slap a child. I for one, can vouch that for the past 100 thousand generations of my lineage, the parents have slapped their children if they were not respectful. Anyone who trys to say that its wrong, an old practice outdated, may as well try to convince the world that we no longer require eating meat, its not necesery and cruel.
There are however rules about it.
#1 the best punishment comes swiftest after the offense, never say "you wait till i tell your father" It helps to reinforce that if they do something wrong, punishment comes and swiftly.
#2 If repeated spanking has no affect, continuuing will serve no purpose as far as disciplining. Stop, try another tactic.
#3 It should never invlove causing physical damage, never a bruise, or a cut, or a friggin broken bone, never.
#4 once the child understands that punishment always comes when wrong is done, it may not be necessery to always spank them.
#5 and I count this to be extroadinarily important, IF you tell a child not to do something or punishment will follow, and they do it anyways, you must never fail to provide that punishment. This will teach them that they can get by the rules.
#6 this rule shall be last because it should be remembered most, if you can teach the child to be respectful, to listen or to obey by other means, always do so. Do not simply resort to spanking them because it works.
Another thing related, you cannot allow the child to think of you as only a source of punishment, you must love them, and hug them with such frequency that it far counteracts the (what should be infrequent) times when you need to punish them.

Answer 8

There are better ways to promote good behavior than smacking your child and humiliating her. She's 5 not 15 for heaven's sake and is just learning how to behave in school. If she has a bad day, talk to her about why she did what she did and if necessary, deprive her of a privilege or make her sit in time out for a while and inform her of further consequences if she repeats the bad behavior. If you keep smacking her, eventually she's going to use the same method of solving her problems at school. Then you'll have much bigger problems than you have now.

Answer 9

I take it that you and your Husband were spanked or knocked around when you got into trouble as kids. Well, bad behavior repeats itself until you learn that spanking ususally isn't the necessary punishment needed to correct a potential problem, or action. For this situation, smacking her bum wasn't necessary. You both should re-think your parenting discipline skills, or lack thereof. A simple discussion could have gone much farther in teaching her any values in this situation. If she had taken glass of juice and deliberately poured it out on the carpet, deliberately (not accidently spilled it)....I would think this would be something to give a smack on the bum, as it was deliberately wrong. Did you or the teacher even think about maybe Maddie isn't feeling well, could she be sick, and acting out simply because she is feeling bad....? What happened in class with another classmate to make her feel bad...was the Teacher unfair to her in her eyes for something said or done....Kids have a good sense of fair and unfair, right and wrong, but are too young to know how to say it in words.......My guess is no...no one thought of that....My kid acted up when he didn't feel good, later that evening I knew, usually he had a good sized fever, and came down sick.

Answer 10

my 5 year old is also very trying at times but to be honest with you smacking isn't always the answer !!! i dont agree with smacking your childs bare bottom in the school classroom or anywhere come to that, could you not have taken her home, sent her to her room left her there for 5 mins then sat her down and talked to her ? is she normally naughty or was this a one off ? after talking to her you could have told her that unless she appologises to the teacher the following morning she would be back in her room straight after school again and also lose one of her favorite toys !!! this works everytime for my little one. parenting can very rewarding but sometimes you feel like your losing a fighting battle, finding solutions to situations and things isn't always that easy is it ???? and yes sometimes were not always going to agree eye to eye on things. good luck with your little one.