Im shy and my boyfriend wants me to change and talk to him more. I try but I never seem to talk...?

Question

Me and my boyfriend have been dating a year and we dont talk much. we cant see each other because we dont live by each other. We use to talk more once we met and could talk over the internet but i don tknow what else to talk about. I love him very much and he feels as if i dont because we never talk. He doesnt trust me because of soemthing that happend in his past relationship...but i keep telling him i'm nothing like her. I really do love him. I'd do absolutely anything for him. just icant bring myself to talking more..im not that good at talking over the internet. but i want to for him. He means the world to me and he doesnt believe me. he doubts my love soemtimes because i never talk to him...but I do want to just never talk much.please any advice would hellp.I really wana be with him. he loves me i know he does. he's told me even after he breaks up with me. he always comes back..this time he almost leaves me just he wants me to talk. we do lovee each other very much. please help me

Answer 1

Please don't you ever change for a man!

How many times has this man broken up with you? It sounds like hes done it a few times, in which case, you deserve someone much nicer.

You sound like a lovely girl, and lovely girls get trampled on by confident guys.

When you was born, your personality was mapped out for you. This is the way you are, and trying to change that will upset your balance.

It is obviously not you, to chat away for hours about everything and anything. You like to keep things close to your chest and wait until you are in the right moment before you chat about stuff.

Good for you, as you are in a safe place.

If he is not happy with the way you are, then that is his problem. Don't take on his stress and fill yourself with his negative vibrations.

Your Angels are looking after you, i feel very positive energy coming from you.

As time goes on, you will realise that this man is not the love you thought it was.

There is another man out there waiting for you, he will love you inside out, he will love you for who you are and not what he wants you to be.

Keep smiling, your time will come.........

Peace, Love and Light. x

Answer 2

My advice, which you may not want to hear, is that you should just end it. Here's why: every time I have had a boyfriend I couldn't talk to, I wound up realizing later that I was intimidated by him in some way, shape or form. He was either treating me badly, but being subtle and manipulative about it, or we really just had very little in common. The whole relationship always made me miserable. And after I broke up with these guys, I felt free. Because I realized that we just were not compatible. If you're with someone, they should make you happy. You shouldn't be swimming in self-doubt and worrying that there's something wrong with you. If it's a good match, you're going to be able to open up and talk to them about anything with no reservations. It will make you feel alive. Really, I think you should find someone better for you than this guy.

Answer 3

Perhaps you have trouble "chatting" over trivial things. Is that what he means by "talking more". If so, for the sake of your relationship, you need to figure out some things to talk about. Putting a lot of pressure on yourself will make it seem even harder. So consider this an assignment - day 1, tell him what you did all day. Pick one thing that was either the best or the worst and elaborate. day 2 tell him what you liked/didn't like about a t.v. show you saw. day 3 read some of the questions on here and use ones you like to spark a conversation. Ask his opinions and then respond to them. It doesn't have to be deep. I'm shy and people never believe me when I say that because of a couple of things I've learned - always be interested in the person to whom you are talking. They will fill the conversational gaps if you ask them questions. People like to talk about themselves. Also, just as you like people to acknowledge your existence, so do other people. In the end, it doesn't matter what you talk about as long as you are talking. It is the very act of communicating that validates a relationship to most people. So it can be as trivial as the kind of pizza you like, or the ugliest outfit you saw on someone today. Good luck.

Answer 4

This relationship is doomed, so move on. He is punishing you for what someone else did & he always will. You don't need to be with someone like that, nor do you need to be with someone who wants you to change for him. A relationship is built on trust & without it, there's nothing. I wouldn't be with a guy who didn't trust me just because of someone in his past. That's neither healthy nor fair, in a relationship. You're a shy person who doesn't communicate well & that's something you can improve upon, but do it for yourself & no one else. How secure is a relationship when he keeps breaking up with you but comes back? Don't allow yourself to be used. The right one is still out there looking for you. Your guy will get worse if you stay with him, by becoming even less trusting, more controlling, & maybe even violent. The red flags are flying high, so heed their warning signs. Your guy is not ready for a serious relationship until he gets his head on straight.

Answer 5

this is a sticky situation. you should never wait around for a guy. there is no reason why he should break up with you and then come "running" back. if he really loves you then he would stay with you through thick and thin(talking or not). it seems to me that he has serious trust issues. don't allow him to compare you to an ex because then you are only living in her shadows. if you don't see someone everyday then it very very hard to talk no matter it be via phone or e-mail. you could lay out your everyday time line and that would allow you both to ask questions but it seems to me that things aren't going yo change. if neither one of you can move to be closer then this will be an on going problem. ask yourself "Do you want to go day by day wondering is he going to break up with me?" don't you deserve better? if you really think about it he is mentally and emotionally abusing you. you say he always comes back but one day he won't and so basically your relationship has an expiration date on it and you are just sitting around waiting for you time to expire. i know love can blind you and I'm sure that you love him but love should never hurt, make you question, and you should never feel like you have to prove your love.

Answer 6

Talking is a very important part of a relationship. Try talking about simple stuff and it will help you open up. Say maybe a movie you both have seen, or even tell him about the still/stupid thing that happened to you in front of eveyone. If you love hiom the way you say you do then Im sure you will find something.

Answer 7

It sounds like you may be too young to be in this relationship - you're not ready to open up and share your deepest thoughts and feelings with him - and he's not mature enough to handle the pace at which you're moving, which causes him to react badly. I don't doubt you care for him very much. If you do want this relationship to last you may have to try harder to talk with him - he is right to want to communicate, that's what relationships are about. You don't have to spill everything in your mind all at once - but maybe you can think of one thing you haven't shared with him, maybe a simple story from your past, and tell him about it - give him some hope that you're trying to be better about sharing your feelings, memories, etc. with him. If that works - try sharing something new with him every week.

Good luck.

Answer 8

trust is very important in a relationship, and you need to establish that with your boyfriend.
but regarding your dilemma, you can read more magazines or other stuff that may interest you so that at the end of the day or when it's time for you to chat, you can tell him what you think of what you just read or done (if you did something like a new hobby), or just what extraordinary thing that came up with your day.
i usually start our conversation with "know what? i think i...." like that.. like little trivias about myself that may make him feel like he's just there beside you and you're talking to him and telling him stories about you that can even develop a deeper meaning in our relationship.
also, you can do a Q&A, like random questions
for example: "what is your most recent dream?".. let him talk for a while his share of story, then tell yours, a give and take situation.
hope this helps. :)

Answer 9

Well. Think of things to talk about before you start talking. Find things throughout your day that you can tell a story about, exagerate if needed. I know everyone's life isn't that amazing, but it's all what you make it. And he's asking you to put something into the relationship.
But honestly, after a year- you'd think you'd be able to talk...
Also reading books, magazines, newspapers, or watching informational TV will give you good topics to talk about.
Ask him questions, and give answers.

Answer 10

You and him should go to a movie or out to eat sometime you can't have a healthy relationship over the internet. Be more open with him everything you said let him know, let him know your shy and sometime you have nothing to say then maybe he'll step up to the plate and take the lead.