People trying to tell you how to discipline your child. Thoughts?

Question

I asked a question the other day: "My toddler has officially started his terrible twos. My family isn't helping. Suggestions?"
It had NOTHING to do with asking for advice on how to discipline my son, yet the last answerer felt it necessary to tell me that I should only be using time outs and no swats.
Annoying, to say the least, considering that we know our child and what works for him and us and she doesn't. Annoying also because that wasn't what the question was about.
She sounded just like my stepmom... "Oh, he's just a baby. You're being too hard on him, blah, blah, blah....."
She cited him hitting the dog as a backing to her methods. What she didn't realize is that he's tried to hit the dog since long before he started getting swats. And a friend of ours uses only time outs, no spankings...her kids hit.
I feel like most kids just go through this phase. I know for a fact it wasn't taught, at least in our case.
What do you do when people tell you how to discipline your child?

Answer 1

Mostly I ignore them. You're always going to get unsolicited advice from now on that you have children...ESPECIALLY in a public forum or setting like this. Parenting is a style and an ongoing learning experience that a lot of people have decided they've mastered. These people usually don't have a clue. There's a mother at the bus stop who LOVES to give unsolicited advice to all of the rest of us...her kids are probably the worst behaved at the bus stop (and at school if her complaints about how often naughty notes come home are to be believed).

When someone tells me something that either doesn't agree with my parenting style I simply thank them "oh thank you. I'm sure that works great with your child, but I have different ideas for my own" You're never going to win an argument about parenting with anyone...it's sorta like politics...so I wouldn't waste your time, energy or blood pressure by worrying about it.

I spank my kids when they deserve it...they don't hit. I don't cuss my kids out...BUT they call me stupid or say that they hate me. Is it learned behavior...in their case I would say no...but in other kids who's parents constantly beat their children, yell at them or put them down....I would say yes.

There's a cute shirt that I saw that says "Please don't give my mommy and daddy unsolicited advice" for your children to wear. BUT no matter what you say or do....you're always gonna have someone tell you that what you are doing is wrong.

At least you know the truth right?

Good luck.

Answer 2

Most definitely discipline your child in public. Yelling, swearing, hitting, is an absolute no-no (at any time, by the way), but you have to set boundaries and structure for your child or he'll walk all over you. You did nothing wrong. In the future, when someone gives you that kind of look, ask her if she'd like a time out too.

Answer 3

My son just turned two. i get all sorts of unsolicited advice from everyone from family to complete strangers! I say flat out, "Thank you for your concern, but this is my child and I will handle him as I see fit." The end! Do not let people tell you what you "should" be doing with your kid. Hold your ground. I know that feeling. To my mother-in-law, I can do no right when it comes to my son (or my husband for that matter.) I've actually told her, "Look, you've had your chance to raise your children, now it's my turn to raise mine." She wouldn't talk to me for a week, but it got the point across! I wish you luck! Stay strong and take eveyone elses advice with more than a grain of salt!

Regarding the whole spanking thing: I was spanked and swatted at a child. I grew up with a deep love and respect for my parents. I have no psychological problems from it. As far as I'm concerned, most teens these days should have been spanked more often.....

Answer 4

Oh this is a good question, because I feel many people aren't telling you how to discipline your child to be rude I guess its from experience and they are just trying to tell you what worked for them. What they do not realize is the same disciplinary actions may have worked for them but doesn't necessarily have to work for you. Someone once told me not to spank my child because its just going to make the child hate me.... I don't believe that concept. I believe if you spank your child "not beat" but spank your child explain why you are spanking them eventually they will get it and know mommie or daddy don't want me touching that. Kids understand more than we know. They know exactly what they are doing. So I think spanking them "after" already telling them no don't do that or you will get a spankin more than once. I think its okay to spank the child. But to answer your question. I think you should tell a person I appreciate your advise but no thanks. Just that simple don't go into explanations or anything of that nature that would be too much... Just say thanks but no thanks and smile lol that always put the finishing touch on it! Smiles good luck!

Answer 5

I ignore them entirely. I know my daughter (2 and a half) best. I also know what she responsds to best given certain circumstances.

As far as the last poster on your previous question was concerned, I have to laugh. We use a swat on the bottom in our house as a punishment for our daughter if she is doing something that could be dangerous to herself or others (hitting our dog is included ;). My sister, on the other hand, does not spank her 2 year old son at all. Her son is the one who has a serious problem with hitting, pushing, hair-pulling, biting, etc. of all of the other children in the home day-care that we both use!

You know your toddler best and that is what makes you his mother! Just let their nosey opinions go in one ear and out the other :)

Answer 6

Depending on the person, I have different reactions: If it's an elder in the family and they are wrong, I just say "Oh" and pretend I will try what they are saying. If it's a stranger, I completely ignore them. I don't feel the need to explain myself to everyone. It seems easier to just say "oh" and then I go and do what I feel is best. My daughter is 2 1/2 and I don't spank her (when I do it is only on her bottom or a light pretend slap on her hand - more for the action, not for pain) unless it's for her safety - don't go in the street, don't touch hot stove, etc., which is rare. She knows how to hit too. You are right, it's a stage, and kids naturally will hit. Good luck with the terrible two's!

Answer 7

When someone tells me how to discipline, I always say, "Thanks, I'll think about it" something non-commital like that or I'll just say, "really? does that work for you?" and deflect the conversation back to them. It's non of their business and it's really not worth getting into it. I do believe in spanking...for appropriate times. Some kids don't need to be spanked and some do, it just depends on the kid and situation.

Answer 8

it happens to me all the time (mainly from my sister who doesn't have kids) I just try to be polite but just do what I know works. everyone has their own methods and if the method works and isn't harmful go for it.
I alos found that spanking does get my sons attention and works. plus it's perfectly legal to give them 3 open handed swats on the tush! our parents used to spank us and we all turned out fine!

Answer 9

I ignore them as best I can. Its hard at times, I know.
another thing I have learned to do is when they are acting up at someone else's house or if someone is here. I take them into another room, Its not their business what Im doing in there.

Answer 10

It can get annoying when we're not seeking for advice, but we can look at it positively. Just listen to the advice. If you feel it will be applicable and be of good use to you and your family, use it. If not, ignore it. Plain and simple. :)