Should i ask him to leave?

Question

Help!! I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. I really love him, but i can't take any more. He has never had a proper job since we met, he goes from job to job and always ends up falling out with the boss, or work just fizzles out. It's either that or he works for family or friends and doesn't get paid. Meanwhile he expect me to pay all the bills from the house, give him pocket money, pay for his car to be fixed etc. I even got him a bank loan last week. I just feel like he's taking me for granted. When i try and talk to him about it he basically tells me he doesn't need the agro!! I'm working constantly and i'm soo sick of it. We're meant to be going on holiday soon & he needs spending money. What would you do??

Answer 1

Hun I would tell him that if he hasnt got the decency to sit down and discuss this with you then you are better off on your own!! It sounds like he needs to grow up and start acting responsibly. He has got that used to taking you for granted that it's become second nature to him. He will have the shock of his life if you stop lending him money and bailing him out.
At the end of the day its easy for people to say I would do this, I would do that.... Its your heart thats involved and its you that might get hurt. I'd say that you need to take a step back, take a long hard look at whether or not this guy is worth the hassle and can you imagine him changing his ways. If not then you have answered your own question.

x

Answer 2

Hun relationships work two ways, give and take on both sides, seems a little from what you say you are doing all the giving and he is doing all the taking. If you still live him as you say, I would sit him down and tell him how you feel and that this is making you unhappy, that he needs to get sorted out now, as enough is enough. If he truly loves you back he will take in to account your feelings and do something about it, not say what you want to here and do nothing, but get up and actually try to make things better. Lay down some ground rules. You are not been unfair or unreasonable, you seem to be doing a lot for him and he nothing for you. If he does nothing then sadly, you know your answer and its over, say good bye and move on, I know its hard, but will be harder in the long run x

Answer 3

It sounds like your in a tricky situation however it is your money you have earned and that are spending all on him and his needs. What about yours? You need to think about what makes you happy and put you first. He isnt really respecting you by expecting to get this from you and not wanting to support you. Relationships are equal and it sounds as though your doing all the work.

I think going on holiday with him would only make you feel worse than you do now. Perhaps giving him an ultimatum... telling him instead of asking him to get a job by a certain date otherwise thats it. If he does get a job and it works then he does want to stay with you otherwise he isnt worth it. He would have time to prove to you he loves you and not just your money and the security. If it didnt work and nothing changed then perhaps you moving him out will make him benefit more having to stand on his own two feet...

Good luck! remember to put your happiness first! if the other partner doesnt do the same then it isnt worth it. xx

Answer 4

If he doesnt straighten up with a steady job, dump him. If he is really having a hard time with finding a good job or feels he has these fall outs cause he thinks he is getting screwed, then you need to be there for him. If your the one paying the bills, your the one that controls what he gets as an allowance. Tell him your broke and dont have money cause your too busy paying his bills. Maybe if you do leave him, he will realize how good he had it and how much he took advantage of you.

Answer 5

well, if u really love him, i d say u should leave him -at least for a couple of months or so- take a break from him, he won't really stop taking advantage from u, unless u cut off the root. if u leave him, he will only have 2 choices: either he gets a job, and puts his act together and with maybe a few months with a fixed job, he will try his hardest to keep it and if he's goig 2 leave it it ll be 2 get a better job..... OR he will find another girl and do the same that he does to u... in which case, u ll know that he wasn't really in love with u, and it'll be easier for u 2 move on and find some1 else. good luck, and hope u ll find some1 else if he's not the right 1 4 u. but for the moment being, i'm sorry but he's taking advantage of u... unless he changes, i think u should leave him.. take a break, a few months... see if he changes...good luck

Answer 6

Sounds like he "Really Hasn't Grow Up Yet!" Sad but that does happen! Just sit down with him, if he will sit and has a "Serious Conversation" and just let him know "The Free Ride is Over" (I love you, you know that, but this just isn't going to work any more! If you are looking for a Mother & Maid you need to go back home!?)

He May Say; I love you too and I'll change.

Live on your own for 12 to 18 months "Not At Home!" and them "Maybe" we can talk! You need to grow up, know you have responsibilities now "Family & Child" to take care of! Love! yes, but Love and support!

"I THINK YOU SHOULD GO NOW!"

Going to be hard but at this point it sounds like that's all there is left to do! "Be Strong And Don't Let Him See the Hurt in You, try to hold it in till after he goes.

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 7

I'm sorry to say this but unless he is prepared to knuckle down and get a job and STICK it then, yes, I would ask him to leave.He's on a right good thing with you isn't he? "Ah..I will work for a little while just to show willing........" then he's back to you scrounging for everything. In the future don't be so easy parted with your money. If he wants money tell him to go and earn some of his own as you need yours for the household bills...he might even get the hint...if not....get rid and find someone who is with you for the right reasons....you know what I mean. Maybe he does love you too but it's high time he showed some commitment in the relationship don't you?Good luck.

Answer 8

My initial suggestion was to part ways with him, as he appears to allow you to bear the financial burden without guilt. That is until you mentioned that you "got him a bank loan last week". Did you co-sign for him or is the loan in your name? In either case, for better or worse, you're tied to him for the life of the loan. At this point, you've got to consider if he'll make good on the loan. If it's in your name, chances are he won't. If it's in his name but you co-signed, he may also default on the loan out of spite because his credit is most likely poor to begin with.
If the loan was for an asset (car, furniture, stereo), you might want to gain control of it prior to breaking it off and then work on a monetary settlement with him.
I'd speak with a financial adviser prior to ending the relationship. This is a bit more complicated than a simple breakup.
Good luck.

Answer 9

I know how you feel! My ex boyfriend drained me for 3 years for finance and was in and out of jobs and when he got paid he would spend it in the pub! I took as much as I could and then left him and moved back with my family! I feel a lot better now! I loved him so much but all he did was use me as an ATM machine! I too took out loans for him and got him a car and he kept it! Some men are just users! There are good men out there! You are the only one who will know what to do! If you need someone to talk to please get in touch and I will help if I can! Please take care of yourself! Good luck!

Answer 10

hold on a minute, he does F* all and you have to support and pay for him...what a cheap bastard.
Dump his sorry As*
You gave him a bank loan? Actually you took a bank loan for him...so now you are the person who has to pay it, he can basically F. off and leave you all with the payments...
Well, good luck with the whole thing, if 2 and a half years are not enough to wake up and see the reality, you might never be able to.