no child custody order, never married, son's father wants to see him after no contact for 7 yrs?

Question

I am not against them developing a relationship although I am understandably nervous. The last time I spoke to his dad...he asked when I was going to get married so he could sign his rights away.
I have been out of touch with him for 7 yrs...gave up trying to call when they blocked my number...call screening-etc.
Have only heard from his wife....not him. This was common in the beginning as well.( No he wasn't married when Adam was born)
Wife wanted to know what school he goes to...I wouldn't say. Am I required to tell her?...They still won't say where exactly they live...and neither will I...but they haven't asked THAT? Just what school he goes to.. Is is legal for them to go pick him up at school and take him? I have seen many people try to get custody that way. I am very worried about how to proceed with letting them get to know each other while at the same time...protecting myself and my son from anything underhanded.

I called the school...they all know me well because I spend alot of time there. His name is not on the birth certificate. But paternity has been established and he might have a copy of the results of the blood test from all those years ago.
School says they have to see his name on the birth certificate or his name on the emergency contact list. All the office ladies are aware and will call me if anyone tries to pick him up out of the blue.
There is an order for child support and it is attached directly from check. He hasn't really worked in years so usually it gets taken from wife's tax return. sporadic at best. I only know this from dealings with child support agency in my county. They are not allowed to disclose his address/phone...and cannot disclose mine to him.
Wife cannot have children.
I found that I have to go fill out the forms at my courthouse for custody but I will need his ss#
I couldn't find his card and his is the only one I don't remember....I have 2 older kids

I am applying for a replacement card this morning and will file papers as soon as I receive.
In the mean time...I am not letting him out of my sight.

Answer 1

If he didn't sign the affidavit of paternity at the hospital and he isn't listed on the birth certificate he has no rights at all. Contact the school and make sure they know that NO ONE is to pick your child up unless they are on the approved list and establish a safety word with the school that way no one can call pretending to be you and authorize a pick up by someone who isn't on the list unless the safety word has been given.

Most of the time schools will oblige. I have a very similar arrangement with the schools my children go to. They don't want the liability of releasing a child to the wrong person and that child being a victim of kidnapping.


If he is on the bc then file for an injunction of custody or emergency custody order to protect your rights as the custodial parent.

Answer 2

If he is not on the birth certificate then he cannot do anything. However, if he is that is another story. If you did not list the childs father on the sheet they gave you about who you allow to pick up your child call the school and tell them that someone has been threatening to take you child from school and they will keep a close eye on him. Also depending on how you feel you can try and get his parental rights taken away if it has been years since he has seen the child. You should speak with a lawyer or someone at legal aid about gaining custody if he is listed as the father on the birthcertificate. Good luck and dont let your guard down.

Answer 3

To answer your question with a question - Does your son know that his "dad" isn't biologically connected? If not - I suggest you contact a family therapist and an for guidance in this matter. You "should" be able to get your son back - but will your ex black-mail you and pit your son against you? IMHO - If your ex has been there your son's entire life - then he is Dad - biological or not. Legally, you have custody of your son and that should be enough to go through the court system and get him. However - if your Ex has been supporting him this long... Don't try to make X the "bad guy" - especially if he's done a decent job as dad. However, you must be the one to explain the situation to your son - and be sure to reassure him that your ex will always be his "dad". Your son might get mad - but in the end will respect you for your honesty. However - if he gets the "word" from someone else - he might not take it as well. Good luck to you! Just make sure that you do what's best for your son.

Answer 4

I had this problem with my daughter's father. He had no contact with me for 5 years and he called me out of the blue. He told me that he wanted to see my daughter. I only knew what city he lived in. I told him no that if he wanted to see my daughter to take me to court or give me his address so I could serve him so we could go to court. A year went by and he had the police dept. serve me at work. I went down to speak to someone in Legal Aid at the family courts and they said that I made too much money so I went to this lawyer's office and asked him how much would it cost. He told me $6000 retainer. Which I could not afford but he was nice enough to give me advice so I listened to every word that he said. We went to court and he only got 3 hours of supervised visitation every other weekend and I have full legal and physical custody and he has to pay child support.
You need to get custody because if he is on the birth certificate and he gets your son from school there is nothing the police can do. Well at least here in CA. Don't tell him or his wife where he goes to school. Is your son open to the idea of spending time with his father? My daughter wasn't and I didn't let him see her till we went to court. After our court date I reassured her he can't take her because if he did he'd get in trouble with the police. They have a relationship now because this was almost 2 years ago and she is 8 yrs old. They spend a few hours by themselves now and it's because she still is not ready to go with him for the whole day or the weekend. The good thing is that he understands so he doesn't pressure her about it.

Answer 5

Well if you have had custody of him for all this time and you have been taking care of him financially (without the fathers assistance) than legally he could not pick him up form school and take him. All you would have to do is call the police.

As far as letting your son see his father it could be a good thing. But that depends you say you have only spoke to his wife. I would tell the wife that if her husband wants to see his son than he needs to call you so that you and him can talk. I'm sure that there are things that you need to talk to him about. You need to make sure that he is going to be in it for the long run not just here for one visit to satisfy his guilty conscience. If you don't believe him than don't let them see your son, I wouldn't tell them what school your son goes to. If they believe that you are breaking some sort of law by keeping your son away form them, let them go to court to get visitation

Answer 6

Get an attorney and get a protection order against him. Perhaps his wife can't conceive, and she wants your child. Make sure the school knows that he has never had anything to do with the child, and that now he's asking all sorts of questions. Tell them that NOBODY except you should ever pick up your child from school.

NO, you don't have to tell him or his wife anything at all!



If he has never paid child support and he tries to get your child, make sure you sue for child support now! If he wants to be in your child's life, he can be in it in a financial way! But make sure he doesn't get your child.

I think it would be great if he could have visitation if he's serious about being a father, but it sounds to me like his wife might want a child and can't have one. Don't let him get the child this way!

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Answer 7

my understanding is that neither one of you have legal custody of him so i know in California who ever has the child some time it can stay that way until custody is set.. i suggest that you go right to court and file for full physical custody. if you get that and they take him they are breaking the law. i also want you to know that even if the father has been absent for 7 years legally he does have rights because he never gave up his rights.. so what i would do is let them have a relationship with each other but go through the court system get a court order.

Answer 8

You really need to make an appointment with the school, or go there to talk with their administration, and let them know no one is to pick up your child except for you and whoever else you designate to pick him up.

I would also consult with a family law attorney if i was worried about this. I haven't a clue why the child's father is suddenly wanting to see him? It's odd.

Perhaps ask the child what he wants to do, if the father persists on visitation -- and if he does, he can also start paying support. It's the law, anyway.

Answer 9

I can understand your hesitation. First thing I would do is contact an attorney and see what legal rights he has. I would definately let the school know that no one but you and maybe your parents are to pick up your child from school. I would also have a talk with my son and explain about not talking to strangers, even if they say they are his dad or know his dad.
Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 10

They cannot go and pick him up anywhere! He has no legal rights established by any court order and since he has furnished no support he has no right to even expect any visitation. Tell him if he wants anything to happen, he needs to start paying support, file for visitation through the court, and do not attempt to pick him up from school or anywhere else (this is kidnapping). Be very wary about any visitation allowed. If any, it should not go unsupervised by either you or a case worker (if court ordered).