I need HELP from parents who have already gone through the 18 yearold "I know it all..but don't know squat!!"

Question

How did you handle all the changes that they are showing? (Coming in when they want, disrespect the house, seems to have head where sun don't shine, no rules matter, and feelings of other household members don't matter, especially mom and dad)

What rules did you let them decide for themselves?
(She can decide when to come home, where she's going and with whom, to call or not to call out of courtesy)

How did you make them adjust to, "ok, you're 18, but u live under my roof rules"?

When ALL EFFORTS have failed, who did you go to for advise??

She's been a pretty good girl for her life, chose good boys for bf's, including the one she has now, and seemed to always have a pretty good head on her shoulders, UNTIL she became "legal adult".

What the heck happened here??
It was like an OVERNIGHT CHANGE!!

HELP, SHE'S DRIVING ME INSANE!!

Answer 1

We have 5: and here was the rules.1. You are legal outside but not inside this house. You are still apart of this family. 2. If you live in the house, house rules still apply. Same curfew, choirs, etc. 3. I still own the phone, cable and food. 4. You are either working or going to school. I work and so do you. 5. If you cannot live by these rules, it is time to get out on your own.

Answer 2

I haven't raised any 18 year old kids, but from the other posters, it seems as though when their kids decided to move out of the parents home, they soon realize that the "real world" has rules just as well.
You are responsible for making payments and keeping up with the bills. Also, living in an apartment/house has rules and regulations. Keeping the noise down, and respecting neighbors just as you would respect the neighbors where you once lived- your mom, dad and siblings. You have to do your own cleaning and chores, prepare your own meals, etc. They may be in charge of caring for the lawn too.
They may have to learn the hard way.

Answer 3

Is she is school? If so there should definitely be curfew rules. This is such a difficult time but it will improve. It sounds like she is pretty mature and it is mostly a conflict of someone living in your home who is now an 'adult'. Can you visualize her living in an apt on her own? I mean she seems capable of choosing good friends which is probably most important.
Im sorry but good you wrote this since others may hopefully read before considering parenting.

Answer 4

If she is an adult and so mature, then she needs to start contributing to the household, as any mature adult would do.

When my son was 17 and 18, he got that attitude, too. And he wanted to quit school, so i told him it was ok to quit school but if he was going to live here, he'd have to pay me $150 a week rent, and help with the lawn every week in summer, and couldn't come in and out of the house at all hours, because i had to get up in the morning. ..... I told him that if he didn't agree, he'd have to find another place to live. So when summer came, he moved out and in with my father!

It wasn't 3 months before he came back home. It seemed the grass wasn't greener on the other side -- living with my father was like living as a marine.. heehee... He went back to school the next year, too.

I think that you need to set some limits on your daughter, and let her know that since she believes she's an adult, she needs to start behaving like one. Sit down and have a discussion. You can write things down before hand, so you will remember what you want to say.

My kids didn't decide on rules, it wasn't their house.

I wasn't a real strict parent, but i did not let my kids walk all over me.... as adults they were expected to pay for their own cars, insurance, etc. Of course i helped them from time to time, but kids need to learn responsibility.... especially those who think they are so grown up!

I hope it works out and that you get good answers here. Take care.

Answer 5

I have 2 sons 20 & 22 & we had all kinds of problems when they hit 18. I told them that they either follow the house rules or the move out. that it is our house we pay the bills, & if they wanted to start paying the bills & maintianing the house then we can talk about changing some rules.
I ended up kicking our one son out. My husband & I cried it broke our hearts to do that but that was the only way we could get our point across to him, & it worked. He ended up sleeping in his car & it was very cold out, he had no blankets, our doors were locked & he left in the morning & came back after his dad left for work & wanted to come in, I told him that he had to talk to his dad, & that things had to change or he wasn't living in our home anymore. It is called tough love but sometimes you have to do it for their own good.

Answer 6

Tell her point blank you live in my house you live by my rules, if you can't abide by that you have 30 days to find your own place and you can do what you want and stick to it.