My stepdaughter has been diagnosed with ADHD, her mother refuses medication therapy -What now??

Question

We share 50/50 custody with my husbands 7year old daughter. We have been the only parents involved in any and all school and sports activities for the past 3 years. Her mother has never met her teachers, not once and our daughter has been asked to be retained in Kindergarten, 1st and 2nd grades due to slow learning skills. She was diagnosed 2X (we got a 2nd opinion from another psychiatrist) and both doctor's requested she be medicated. They both also said she will continue to struggle in school and without meds this can be detrimental to her socially, emotionally & academically. However, we cannot legally medicate her without her mom's consent. We've asked her mom to attend all the meetings with the teachers and doctors for the past 3 years, but she hasn't shown up to one. Whenever we suggest some type of therapy or retention in school, she refuses to oblige. We are concerned and are consdering getting an attorney to mandate medication therapy and full custody. We want her to succeed.

We also know her mother does not do her homework with her and does not check it so there is inconsistency between our homes. Her mother takes medications (Prozac, Zanax) so it seems inconceivable to us why she's oppositional on this matter. We also know her moms boyfriend is an alcoholic and drinks every night. She has even witnessed physical abuse between the two if them. One more thing, she lives in a home with her mom, 3 other siblings, the boyfriends parents and the boyfriends brother and girlfriend. 9 ppl in a 1600 sq ft home. It's ridiculous. These are additional reasons we are seeking full custody, not just the ADD/ADHD factor.

Answer 1

Hi -- i can't blame you for being concerned about your step daughter.

Sometimes a complete change of diet can help those with ADHD, but if the step daughter is only with you for part of the time, then you'd have little control over her diet.

I think that, doing your research is a good start, and if your husband tries to gain custody for the child's welfare, it would be very positive.

Even if an attorney mandates meds, you can't control what happens when she is with her mom.....

I hope things work out. It's refreshing to see that a parent even cares. most don't, or are scared to get their kids help for whatever reason.

Answer 2

I would contact your attorney and proceed into family court to deal with this. I have a son who is ADHD and for years we tried everything from diet to extra curriculum to help keep him busy. Nothing worked. My sons grades had slipped as well and he was on the border of staying back in school. When he turned 6 we agreed to take the doctors advice and put him on a medication called Adderall XR, and since then his grades have improved drastically. He is able to focus while in class and is not overly medicated to the point where he is not able to be a child. He still runs around, plays like a child should and gets into trouble. He is just able to focus on the task at hand which is what this medication is there to help him with.
For the best interest in your child, i would ask the teachers at school to write up a letter stating the issues with behaviour, and attention span. I also recommend getting a letter from the doctors regarding the diagnoses and also to show that you did get a second opinion. This is in the best interest of your child, and she may not have to take this medication for the rest of her life. Your doctor will monitor her progress every 6 months to see how she is doing and will request a letter from her teachers as well. At least mine does.
Good luck!

Answer 3

Do what you think is necessary. However, the mother will still have a say unless she is declared unfit. As well, the child may just have some behavioural problems due to the strife that is going on around her and maybe just needs more careful attention and structure in her life. I disagree with children being on medication if it is not absolutely necessary. I would try other things like maybe a child psychologist before putting her on medication. I would say good for the mother too for not wanting to pump her kid up with chemicals. She should however clean up a bit the other parts of her life.

Answer 4

Unless she opposes medication on religious or moral principles, I would suggest getting an attorney involved. You say she also refuses to consider therapy or attend meetings with teachers and doctors as well so it sounds like a simple case of neglect.

You sound like a wonderful parent who loves this child more than her own mother and I wish you the best of luck, and don't give up on this girl ever!!

Also you can blame the mother for smoking during pregnancy since it's the leading cause of ADHD. I have never ever met a child with ADHD whose mother didn't smoke a pack a day.

Answer 5

First try and get her to give medication a trial period - say three to six months. If your stepdaughter does well in school and doesn't have problems on the meds, maybe it will be easier to convince her.

If she won't agree to that you probably aren't going to have any other choice than going to court. But realize that even if you do, as long as the mom has your little girl half time, she may not take responsibility for her medication. That can put your daughter on a real roller coaster. You may have to go for full custody with visitation for the mom to make sure your stepdaughter gets the medication as needed.

Best of luck to you and your little girl. I hope you can win the Mom over to what is best for your stepchild.

Answer 6

You have been put in an interesting situation. I would get the attorney because the mother is not going to budge. For now, because those types of things may take awhile, giving your daughter mountain dew, as crazy as that sounds, will actually act as medication. There is something in the caffeine that reverses the effect. It is not a permanent solution, but you could at least try it until you can get actual mediation. Best of luck

Answer 7

Hello Tiff, I understand how you feel. As a child who was diagnosed with ADHD, I can speak both positively and negatively of the impacts medication has had on my life. I was also a child who was held back in kindergarten. As an adult, I can say with clarity, I understand well, both of your concerns.

Sometimes in situations like this, compromise is best until you really can work to get the child medicated (if by court order). I think it is very hard for parents, especially mothers to accept life is not fair, that we are not all created equally. My mother took my learning disabilities very hard. A lot of parents would like to believe their children are born with the same abilities as other children.

While you do well to approach this issue legally, I would in the meantime, cordially approach the mother, and present alternative treatment options, which, while perhaps not as effective as medication, may benefit your daughter.

I am also a nutritionist (I have my BS and have almost completed my MS in nutrition science/dietetics). A lot of my research has focused on the role of nutrition and learning disabilities such as autism and ADD/ADHD.

You might want to discuss with the mother how the child's diet is? A lot of studies have shown additional supplementation of vitamin B6 and/or addition of omega 3 fatty acids does have an impact on a child's performance. Additionally, other nutrition factors may be playing a role. Perhaps this would be a good start? I do not think her mother would have any objection to speaking about diet options which after all, are beneficial and healthy?

I would like to mention one other thing, given I speak from experience and I have been medicated most of my life, some years off, others back on...

Your daughter may not need the medication all of her life. In the early stages of development, medication does have a profound effect on rewiring the brain. Overmedication may over-intellectualize the child and cause social withdrawal (again, I speak from experience). I would encourage you to follow-up with a psychiatrist and see if he or she thinks there may be an appropriate time to ween the child off? Usually puberty is a good time given growth takes place so rapidly and amphetamine-like medications can stunt growth (this did happen to me "a little bit" but I was never taken off them until college).

If she is on medications, make sure she gets an adequate protein and calcium diet to ensure proper growth. Additional protein in the diet may offset growth retardation for children on amphetamine medications.
In the event that your daughter does become medicated, it is important she STAYS on it. If her mother has shared custody, she may take her off during those times of custody. This is ill-advisable.

Finally, I would try to be very comforting to your daughter. Being medicated is not an easy thing...it tends to make a child grow up a little faster than normal...but then again, so does being held back in school and feeling intellectually inadequate to one's peers.

I wish you luck Tiff, if you wish, feel free to email me and I'll be happy to answer any of your other questions!

Answer 8

My son was diagnosed in the 7th grade with ADHD. Many times I had him tested and was told that he was normal just lazy. Entering into Jr high the counselor had him tested and was severly adhd. We had him put on meds that were horrible for him. He struggled greatly with his health as a result. We took him off the meds and found other ways to help and treat him. Food was a primary focus as some of the foods we eat can trigger the hyperness. We had to get rid of all of it. The teachers and the counselor were phenominal with educating him.
Once we were able to find what worked then we were able to see him work and succeed.
Meds dont always work but they may for others.
I would strongly suggest that you search all avenues before resorting to the meds.
I understand your frustration. It was tormenting to watch my son sit at the table and UNABLE to retain or comprehend what he was attempting to learn.
I would watch him sit there and get angry...pull his hair and face turn red. It broke my heart as a mother.
When they called his name to recieve his diploma was the most emotional and fullfilling times in both our lives.
Best wishes to you.

Answer 9

Just so you know medicine is a quick fix and won't last. My psychologist says if you give a child that you take away a lot of chances for them when they become older. They can't work at some places and be medicated... and have you tried behavioral therapy since it is usually managable... but if you feel like the child needs to be medicated I would recommend asking the child's mother why she refuses. Maybe she thinks it is a waste of money and going to ruin the child she made. I personally would never medicate my child when there are so many other options...

Answer 10

Unfortunately, it sounds like you will need to get an attorney. I think with support from the school and the doctors you've seen, you'd be able to get a court to mandate the medication therapy.