"Home down payment fund account" in lieu of a gift registry...practical or inappropriate?

Question

I am getting married next summer. My fiance and I have been living together for three years now, so we have everything we need for a home in regards to items that are typically purchased as wedding gifts (appliances, silverware, towels, etc). I don't really want to set up a typical gift registry because there's nothing I need, and I'm not too crazy about the idea of getting things I'll never use, like extras of what I already have, monogrammed towels, or a set of china. I saw on a bridal website the concept of setting up a fund account with a financial institution where wedding guests can opt instead to donate to a "house down payment" in lieu of a tangible gift. My fiance and I have been living in the same apartment the whole time and with a 15 month old son and another due in 5 weeks, everyone that knows us knows we can't afford a house on our own. I like this idea but I don't know if it would be considered inappropriate. But I really don't need any gifts. Thoughts?

I was no tplanning on putting this information directly on the invitation, I at least know the etiquette on THAT. :|

Answer 1

Another idea would be to not register at all. For the most part, without another alternative people will just bring money or gift cards as presents.

Answer 2

I think it's insulting to ask people to contribute to y our down payment on a house. But then if I had to give a gift to someone and that was my only option, I wouldn't slight them. First off, if you've been living together that long, most people know you probably have what you need...give them enough credit to figure it out. If you really want cash, I'm sure your parents or trusted others can "hint" that is what you would like to receive in lieu of a tangible gift. Then you can direct the money wherever you want. Also, if you can't afford a house on your own, a down payment isn't magically going to make you be able to afford a home. It's just going to help a little. But whatever you do, good luck.

Answer 3

Wedding Registry House Fund

Answer 4

Down Payment Registry

Answer 5

I am the same boat as you are with having a set up household already. We also want to use the wedding money to put in savings towards a down payment of a house. However, we are still registering for minimal things, such as kitchen tools, towels, candles, small items and then any money we receive will be collected and put into a savings account that we will set up post wedding. That way, nothing is asked for, and there is nothing wrong with setting up a down payment account yourself after the wedding. It will be easier on the guests as well.

Answer 6

As you know, there is no polite way to tell people that you expect presents, much less tell them what that present should be. But as with most "impractical" aspects etiquette, there is a mannerly "work around" for this. You maneuver your guests into a situation where they will ask you (or someone close to you) what you might like to receive. If they ask, then it's AOK to tell them "contributions to our Down Payment Piggy Bank." (Be sure to give them other options too, as some people don't like giving cash. Surely there are items at Target or Amazon that you can register for?)

This was never a problem until The Wedding Industry invented RSVP cards, a handy item that enriches printers, wastes postage stamps, and gives brides plenty of headaches. Way back in the 1900s we did RSVP by phone, with family and friends pitching in to take and make calls. Here are 3 reasons the old fashioned way is better:
1. You don't pay for RSVP cards or stamps to put on them.
2. You create a situation that MAY let you tell your guests what sort of gift you'd like.
3. You have greater control of your guest list. You (or your deputies) INSIST on names of each guest and are prepared to say things like "There's a misunderstanding; the invitation is only for the two of you", "I'm sorry, but they aren't having children", and "We'd love to meet your new friend some other time, but the wedding is only for people we know and feel close to."

Answer 7

My fiance' and I already own our home (which equals BROKE!) and we already have all of our items for the house as well. So we set up a "honeymoon registry" I got mixed reviews about it at first but the way you word things can help. maybe wording it "Help give our family the biggest gift of all! and donate to our home registry in lieu of a gift registry!!" (sometimes wording it as a GIFT as opposed to MONEY helps people make the adjustment) I also went to Bed Bath and Beyond and put a few things on a gift registry for the more "traditional" guests (items I could've used new of, bc the old ones were worn out)and simply placed the gift registry in the elderly or more traditional people's mail instead of the other registry (it just helped save confusion and snide remarks) but be sure to send the wealthy the home registry ones!!!

Answer 8

You put on the invitation:

"In lieu of purchasing traditional gifts, the bride and groom request instead that donations be made towards the down payment for our future home. Thank you!"

It's neither tacky nor rude and saves many from the frustration of figuring out what you need or duplication of another's gift.

Answer 9

I'm pretty much in the same situation as you. I think the best way is for family to pass on the information that you aren't going to register since you have everything. (when people ask where you're registered.) I've already told a couple people that we would rather have money than gifts we won't ever use. Everyone that knows so far has told me that they would rather know we wanted money and liked the fact they would be giving us something we would use. Hope that helped! =)

Answer 10

It's unnapropiate. Do nor mention anything about gifts or cash on the invitation.

Simply, do not register anywhere. People ask them where are you registered and you can hint that you have a furnished household already and you are hoping to put a downpayment on a house. The bridal party and the mothers can spread this information by word-of-mouth, as this is the only appropiate way to divulge the information without coming acrooss as rude and greedy.

People would still bring others gifts as gifting is the choice of the guests, not you. You may suggest that monetary gifts are preferred but that's about it.

Good luck

Answer 11

Well, I'm joining the choir and I consider this a very nice gesture that happens rarely if ever. Enjoy the moment, be grateful and considerate, regard it as a tribute to your Mother, really it's not that difficult. You could always reciprocate this kind gesture by giving him a Father's Day present this coming June. Sweet and kind revenge? I bet this nice guy would appreciate it and wouldn't question it at all. Chill. Edit: Clean up your spelling, it's not typical of a person of "your age."