they are a great group of male + female friends. one night we had a row, and i went out with HIS group of friends, because i get on with them, and consider them MY friends too.. he was really annoyed and thought i was "taking the p*** out of him". i understand that his last girlfriend actually slept with one of his friends. but should i not be allowed to see "his" friends on my own, or is this just silly?
2007-10-17 01:38:30 · 23 answers · asked by jay Lo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Your boyfriend is insecure because his last girlfriend slept with his friend and he is afraid that it will happen again, so I can understand why he does get upset when you spend time with his friends. He has a trust issue and who can blame him. He had two people that were close to him and they betrayed him. He is going to take time to be able to trust you and this is out of your hands.
You do have a right to see his friends but he also has a right to be respected. If you love him, you will respect that he doesn't want you to go see them without him. Wouldn't you feel weird if he went and saw your friends without you? I'm not saying you can't see them at all, but you just have to wait until his insecurity has gone.
You have to work out a compromise between the two of you. You have to talk to through. And remember, you have a right to be heard and you are allowed to have a opinion. Respect has to shown from both parties.
Best wishes for good decisions.
2007-10-17 01:55:27 · answer #1 · answered by Advice Angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the reason the whole friends sharing thing is a problem is because things get ugly if you break up. if its a bad breakup, say due to him cheating on your for example (its an extreme example).
IF you've become good friends with 'his' friends. then theres a chance he might lose them, or lose face, some of them who side with you might drift away from him. you could lie about him too, if the breakup is bad, same effect to him.
also... you had a fight "one night we had a row"
and you went out with HIS friends?
very insensitive. that will immediately raise the idea of the reason i gave you above, spark some fear, and if he doesnt know his own feelings too well, hes gonna get really reallllly annoyed with you, and very defensive.
anyway bottom line is... keep your distance from his friends. if he lets you go with them voluntarily, it means he trusts you. friends circle merging is a good sign. if you think sharing friends is fine, then you must trust your gf/bf. good for you, but some people take longer to trust than others.
2007-10-17 02:08:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is over reacting to me.
If he trusts and respects you as a person you should be free to do whatever you want. Poeple don't "own" their friends, if he feels his friends are disloyal thats not your problem. He should be happy you were with his friends so he knows you were in good hands
If he feels neglected because you went out with his friends then maybe try reassuring him that you are not going to do what his ex did, and that he should not tarnish you with the same brush.
Good luck!
2007-10-17 01:46:34 · answer #3 · answered by billy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Silly
2007-10-17 01:40:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is being a bit irrational, but I can see how he could be upset. Remember his last girlfriend cheated doing this and he may be oversensitive on the matter. He may also be a bit possessive about his freinds.
Lets put it this way, if he rang up some of your freinds behind your back and went out with them, would you be cool about that?
Or would you wonder why?
2007-10-17 01:46:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex was jealous that I got on with his group of girl/guy mates too. In fact I found out they all hated each other and were mostly friends of friends. I used to see how much they didnt like each other and my boyfriend was one of those people who used to talk behind their backs to me. Maybe he was worried that I would go behind his back and talk about him. Maybe he was worried I fancied one of his guy mates like you said. Im not sure about guys, they get insecure and posessive over their mates, but its nice that he can introduce you to them because you need a social life too. But making friends with his friends and you two splitting up can be a disaster, not only do they tend to take his side cos they've known him longer, that bitchy group get involved and cause problems in the breakup. he wants you to have your own set of friends in case they take your side and hes left with nothing.
2007-10-17 01:44:30 · answer #6 · answered by a beautiful lie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No i do understand what he means they are his freinds after all, i mean ok if u did get quite close to one of the females and went out with her for a drink or somthing i very much dought if he would mind that but all his mates - if that was me i wouldnt b happy either soory my love x
2007-10-17 01:45:55 · answer #7 · answered by katieloo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand totally. If they are his friends then they are the people that he goes to when he is upset. They are the people who console him and talk about what he should or shouldn't do. If you go out with his friends then it stops him from having anyone to talk to about your row. If he goes to his friends now he probably thinks that they will talk to you about whatever he wants to discuss and he is right. Sometimes you need people who are there for you, not your partner. Personally I would dump you for making that mistake.
2007-10-17 01:51:48 · answer #8 · answered by SR13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jealous
2007-10-17 01:41:49 · answer #9 · answered by Fuzzybutt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is worried it will happen again and that you maight take his friends away. Try to assure him that this is not the case. If you have your own group of friends spend equal time with them and he will soon see there's nothing to worry about.
2007-10-17 01:41:37 · answer #10 · answered by catwoman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋