My husband & I have been together for over 8 yrs. He has an 11 yr daughter & recently things got worse in the relationship he has with his daughter's mother because she expected more child support money & other demands. To make a long story short, the court did NOT give her what she was after. Since this time (1 1/2 month), she has made life really impossible and is always trying to fight about something. His daughter celebrated a b/day the end of Sept and they wiill not answer the phone when he calls to try to speak with his daughter. His ex said that he cannot see her anymore or talk to her anymore. It doesnt stop there, she also declared that my husband's mother cannot pick up their daughter anymore. My husband used to pick up his daughter on Sats & spend the day with her. His ex said that he treats his daughter differently from our 2 sons, etc. She told their daughter that daddy doesnt love her because he would buy her "nicer" presents for xmas and her bday.
2007-10-17 01:15:45 · 13 answers · asked by ★Banäna . Nightmärẹ★™ 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He doesnt love her because he doesnt take her to school, doctor's appts, help her paint her room, etc. Just to note, his ex is married (about 6 yrs). I dont understand all of the anger in her.
My husband is heart broken over everything. I told him to take her to court for custody, but he feels that it will cause more problems for his daughter. He thinks in time when (if) she ever cools off, things will get back to normal.
Should I push my husband to take her to court? Is he right to let her cool off and attempt to regain a relationship with his 11 yr old?
2007-10-17 01:18:27 · update #1
What terrible, terrible, humans we can be! It is unforgivable when thinking adults create emotional trauma for children by using them as pawns in adult arguments. How hurtful for this young girl to continually hear such rotten things about her father. It is a difficult question, as quite often children when they grow up will realise what has occurred, but equally so quite often they become brain-washed and resentful and feel rejected. I think I would try for set access through the courts, as custody battles can be long and traumatic for a child also. It should be remembered however, that emotional abuse is as destructive as physical abuse. The important thing is that he continues to attempt to keep in touch with his daughter at all costs, even if it is writing letters (and keep copies so he can show her at a later date how much he loves her and how hard he tried, as her mother may keep them from her). A very sad situation, and unfortunately one that the child is wrongfully punished for. Best of luck!
2007-10-17 01:34:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a really scary situation because she is 11 and is at that age where she can be influenced a lot by the things her mother is saying. If she (the mother) never comes around it may be to late. If the daughter starts to feel like maybe he really does not love her she can tell a judge she doesn't want to visit wit him or anything. I think he should really try and regain a relationship with his daughter. Even if he goes up to her school or something. I don't even understand why the mother is acting like that. Do her and her husband have any children? If not maybe that's the problem. This whole situation is stupid. I seriously doubt that you all treat the daughter differently than the other children because you would not be on ere trying to find out what to do. He pays child support and he definitely has the right to see his child. Find a way even if he feels court is to much of a hassle. She needs her father. and she needs to know he does love her.
2007-10-17 08:32:42 · answer #2 · answered by Model07 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hang in there...we went through the same things (exactly). This is what we did...Good Luck
1. Get a lawyer, take her to court on visitation. Every other weekends and 30 days in summer is usually standard. or ask for joint customy.
2. Tell the ex and the child that you will call every night at 6:00pm for example...set a time and be faithful. Then document everything you get to talk to her and everytime you do not. Keep records.
3. Sorry grandmothers really do not have any rights, unless you put that into your visitation.
4. Get a notebook and everytime she says something that is cruel to your daughter and negative about you write it in a notebook, keep records and be accurate.
5. When the child becomes of age, seek customy and you can use all that stuff as evidence. Good luck...
6. Step mom, stay out of it or the birth mom will make it a personal thing between you two...just be supportive and help with the record keeping. I hope this is some help.
2007-10-17 08:29:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Most of the time, when people divorce and child support arrangements are made, a SCHEDULE OF VISITATION is also set up.
If his wife is neglecting that court ordered visitation schedule, she is in contempt of court. Maybe he should check the legal paperwork to see if there is mention about visitation....
It's not right for the ex to put the child in the middle, and that is what she is doing. Some parents don't realize the emotional damage they are causing to their youngsters by denying them visits with the other parent. This is an ignorant, person and i have to say it's all about HER, not the child.
Perhaps your husband can talk to the child support people or his attorney for more help and information.
Like i said, she's only hurting the child, and the child is the one who will suffer in the end. Telling that little girl that her daddy doesn't love her is rediculous. The little girl will put two and two together, use her own brain sooner than you think, and will come to resent her mother, by the way.
I hope things work out. If i were your husband, i'd ignore the ex, and take measures to get my visitation.
take care hon.
2007-10-17 09:06:37 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has to walk a fine line here. He's right and taking the mom to court to enforce the visitation schedule probably will cause more problems with her. Especially since it sounds like she's already willing to take the court decision against her out on him and his daughter.
But, taking her to court to enforce the visitation could be a very tangible sign to his daughter that he does love her. In fact he loves her enough to fight for her. I think that's a message worth sending to her.
2007-10-17 10:17:22 · answer #5 · answered by Critter 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to fight for his daughter. The message he gives her when he backs off is that her "mother" is right. She doesn't have the right to keep him from seeing his daughter or to change the custody agreement in any way. The judge who make the decision on the requested child support needs to know what she is doing. Talk to your lawyer.
Don't be afraid of this woman. She's very unhappy and she's emotionally abusing her daughter because of it. But this little girl should already know that her daddy loves her, and her mother telling her that he doesn't buy her more "things" isn't going to convince her of that. If the reason that he doesn't get more involved in her daily life(painting her room in her mothers house makes no sense at all, but he could be taking her to doctor appointments), is because this woman won't allow it or its part of the custody agreement that's all he has to say to his daughter, even if she asks. I'm betting he's paying for her health care, most dads have to in their custody agreements.
Whatever you do, don't make it harder on the child, but stand up for her. No one is at this time and this woman is abusing her.
2007-10-17 08:30:54 · answer #6 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There should be a visitation agreement set by the court. He definitely SHOULD take her to court for violation of that agreement. I wouldn't suggest going for custody. Your husband should also try to call from a different phone, as she probably has caller id and that is how she knows the call is from him.
Remember, one day the little girl will grow up and be able to see that her mother has lied to her all these years.
I wish you all the best in this.
2007-10-17 08:24:26 · answer #7 · answered by Debi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most men take the easy way thinking that it will help their child when really all that it does is hurt them. His little girl NEEDS her daddy. He needs to take her to court and fight for her, but you can't make him. Just encourage him, and tell him you really think it would be the best thing if he did. Also try doing some research on the impact Dads have in their daughters life, it's major!!!
2007-10-17 08:25:28 · answer #8 · answered by Tre 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
after I posted I saw your side note. Yes, it will probably make the mom tell more lies to his daughter. BUT at the same time if he sits idely by and waits for things to cool off, he is also sending a message to his daughter that the mom is right, and doesn't care. I say call the courts and request mediation or court order visitations if they are not already documented.
2007-10-17 08:20:56 · answer #9 · answered by Deez 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He needs to go back to court, he has a right to see his daughter. Judges may let mothers have custody, but that doesn't mean the moms get to decide when a father gets to see his kid. It isn't fair to his kid either, she has a right to see her dad. HE DEFINITELY NEEDS TO GO BACK TO COURT!!!!!
2007-10-17 08:51:13 · answer #10 · answered by CZ94 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋