I was glowing the first few months after we were engaged (after 3 yrs of dating). But now, we're less than a year away from our tentative wedding date.. and I'm just not "feelin' it" anymore. I think nonstop about how I don't want to ever divorce, or have kids w/someone if the relationship won't work out.
He and I have also lost that "honeymoon" feeling, and I don't know what all of this means. I'm horrible at figuring out my own life.
2007-10-16 22:06:08 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
To quote Scrubs "Women go through stages after engagement."
Its normal to have worries, and one day feeling exciting then the next feeling dread. Its a big step in life but take a good look at the person youre about to make your husband. Think of all the things that led up to this point, the moments you've shared. Theres got to be a reason you two have been together so long, so remember it and realize these feelings of doubt are normal. Best of wishes to you both.
2007-10-16 22:10:58 · answer #1 · answered by Preexist 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I will use an anology here: We run in a race and long for the finish line and once you get there, you feel happy and then exhausted. This is completly normal. Do not feel guilty to feel how you feel, being gf/bf and then being engaged and plan a weddding and then get married is a huge change in pace and life changing events and decisitions. That would scare the crap of any sane person, that's life.
I'm going through the same thing right now, after wanted things for so long, it's finally hapenning and now I don;t know what to do with my self. Not because I doubt the big step that we are making, but is definetly different ftom having a casual relationship to talk about relocating, combined households, income, kids, pets etc.... it's a whole different ballgame and it could be overwhelming at times.
Do not feel discouraged. Look in your soul and see if you are just simply shedding the old you to beging your new life. It's hard to let go of being single etc. but the rewards are greater than the sacrifice.
Embrace your destiny and look at it this way, it's not the end, its the beginning. And the honeymoon never last sweetie, it's just like fireworks. It's love, companionship and team work what lasts and will endure the test of time. No one gets married to get a divorce, so you have to trust the strenght of your relationship before taking that step. It's a matter of faith in yoruself, yoru partner and your future. Look within yourself and see why you feel this way.
Congratulations! I'm happy for you
2007-10-17 09:41:09 · answer #2 · answered by Blunt 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
My opinion is it may be too long of a wait for you and all the planning may be taking a toll on you too. Also you may hear all the negative stories sometimes from other people. Sometimes when you are just in that "dating" stage people nag you about when your getting married. Then once your engaged people look at you like your crazy for getting married when you see the divorce rates, they think you have lost your mind for planning on getting married. I don't know what your situation is with family and friends but if they say negative things to you then that could be why you have these feelings going on. Don't listen to people because if they are miserable they will make you think less about your relationship, Misery loves Company. Just my opinion. Hope this may help. Keep your head up.
2007-10-17 08:54:36 · answer #3 · answered by OFFICIALLY MRS. HOWARD! 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In every relationship, the honeymoon feelings will end. Not just with your fiance but with anyone you have a long term relationship with. To think that you'll always have the feeling of being passionately in love with him all the time is a false expectation. You have to think whether you're having a bit of cold feet (some doubts about the commitment is normal), if you haven't discussed your expectations of marriage thoroughly enough (finances, communication, children etc.) or if it's something more serious like you just don't want to spend the rest of your life with him.
2007-10-17 23:13:29 · answer #4 · answered by Jasmine808 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are planning your wedding yourself, you might be burnt out. There's a lot that goes into planning a wedding, and if you think about it too much, the excitement about it will start to fade.
Try to step back and go for a month without thinking about the wedding and remember how you and your fiance felt before you got engaged.
2007-10-17 07:53:04 · answer #5 · answered by KigerKat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HEY who said married life is easy....but if 2 people love each other enough to take that great big marital step then go for it (providing you do in your own hearts truly and deeply love each other) life isn't easy, married life certainly isn't easy but its no good thinking about kiddies and divorce at this stage, life is what YOU make it and married life is what you BOTH make it...I have been married almost 20 years and there is not one day goes by without my husband and i telling each other we love each other AND we never ever go to bed if we have had an argument until it has been sorted...dont be afraid of what you dont know about (your future) live your life today and MAKE A FUTURE (GOD BLESS YOU BOTH)
2007-10-17 05:20:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is normal. A relationship isn't how well you do when everything is great, you can't wait to get your hands on each other, and you still think it's cute when he leaves his socks on the floor.
The "honeymoon" period has to end sometime and it's how you handle it that really decides if you are going to fail or not.
Not wanting to divorce is completely normal and I can't imagaine anybody who would want to put kids through divorce on purpose. The problem comes in if you are actually planning for it. "Well I don't want this house since I can't afford it by myself when we get divorced"
Talk with your fiancee and be honest about it.
2007-10-17 05:13:17 · answer #7 · answered by pspoptart 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The "honeymoon' feeling usually goes away in about 6 months to a year. That is jsut the way it works.
If you feel you're not in love with him anymore, you better tell him. No sense in stringing him along while he thinks he is marrying the love of his life.
If you just have the jitters, tread very carefully. You could lose the best thing that ever happened to you.
2007-10-17 09:36:42 · answer #8 · answered by Mimi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i wasn't "excited" as much as "certain" before my man and i got married. i knew without a shadow of a doubt that i was doing the right thing. it felt natural and relaxed.
you don't need to feel anything right now... take the pressure off yourself. All you need to do is be honest with yourself, and be honest about how you are currently feeling. Your partner needs to be told what you are going through so he can support you, and take any pressure off for you.
enjoy your relationship. go on fun dates. drink till dawn. go out dancing. walk in the sunset. Enjoy what you share and feel what you feel.
if you feel that you want to spend the rest of your life with him, and he feels the same way, plan and simple wedding that can be arranged and organised quickly. Having a set date, organised arrangements all sorted early will give you the time you need to enjoy the now instead of stress about the big day.
he's a lucky man to have someone who's so aware of her doubts as well as her love.
best of luck
2007-10-17 08:23:06 · answer #9 · answered by chilly 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you're stressed out from the wedding plans? I started to feel like that too when I was planning, but then my fiancee and I eloped. Without all that stress and arguing over the wedding, the magic came back to our relationship again.
2007-10-20 18:38:02 · answer #10 · answered by emmajane06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋