self image problem advice needed.?

Question

Im feeling down at mo and have a bit of a self image problem. I dont think im as pretty as the girls who i work with as theyre skinny and blonde and cause they know how to flirt get a whole lot more attention. Im not an attention seeker i just dont understandy why the guys flock round these kind of gals and people like me whos nice n shy they dont make much effort with in or out the office. I am trying to overcome to overcome my shyness and to feel better ie having a funky haircut,wearing makeup and my contacts more but i find it hard liking myself and thinking of myself as attractive. As i find the girls around me arent always very pretty but have them flocking. Its like theres a group of people who know everyone and invite everyone yet i feel excluded

Answer 1

Guys flock to your coworkers because they're easy. Don't worry about it, do you want to be thought of like that?

Answer 2

Firstly the more you look in the mirror the more flaws you will find. a dot here a spot there. don't worry too much about those other people it's obviously not in your nature.. you can't change your personality. just be yourself and don't be afraid to show it. that's the key. when you have an opinion speak it with a confident tone even if your not feeling confident.. (remember no one can see what's on the inside only what's on the outside) so if your not feeling confident they will never know .. don't be taken aback by image.. you can do some little things that could make you look very different.. mascara and eyeliner makes the biggest difference ever.. sounds like nothing but believe me huge difference.. curl your eyelashes.. get a few nice fashionable clothes.. doesn't need to be brand..

Answer 3

Stop being obsessed with work! They will no doubt sack you sooner or later when they see how much time (under four identities that I can see) you post these questions...

Seriously though: Obsessing bad. More to life than work.

Indeed, it sounds like you must be missing the point anyway. As we have established that you are no longer in primary school, people do value more than looks in their coworkers - and typically will be quite happy to talk to / invite out to lunch / "flock around" people irrespective of how funky their haircut is.

Perhaps because you are so obsessed with these sorts of things people find you a bit intense and difficult to talk to? Perhaps they know that you don't have a lot of friends - and are worried what you expect from them? The answer is clearly to chill out a bit and look beyond work for a life. I am sure most of the people in your office have social lives that extend beyond work?

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear that. It seems that you don't have confidence in yourself and this is more common than we think. I can tell you that even pretty girls can have a low self esteem because sometimes people don't see themselves the way other people see them. The only thing you can do is to fight against your demons as it seems now you are stuck in a hole and you cannot do anything to get out. To feel and be loved first of all you have to love yourself and the first step to get to that point is stop being so hard on yourself. You have to invest in yourself because you are worth it! Go, get a new hair cut, buy new clothes you feel confident in, new make up, anything to make a little change, you will see yourself fabulous and you will start loving you a little bit more. I'm not telling you to become a vain person, as you see to be quite a sweet girl. The second thing you have to think about is that those girls are not better than you or prettier than you, they just have the confidence you don't have. Stay active, socialise, meet new people, be talkative and helpful at work and everything will improve, trust me! you have to change your attitude towards people and towards yourself. I know it is easier saying it than doing it, but you deserve to be happy, and if you don't fight for your happiness nobody will do it for you!! Best of luck girl! show this world who you really are!!! As I said before even nice and pretty girls can feel really tiny beside girls with powerful personalities and charm!

Answer 5

Hello,

(ANS) Try NOT to worry about being different, try NOT to follow the crowd, you DON'T have to conform or be a member of the so called "in crowd". Just be yourself, be true to who you are.

You don't have to play the same flirt games as the other girls, or be girlie girlie & fluter your eye lashes. NOT everyone is the same, not everyone is up and out, not everyone can be outrageous & overtly flirtatious.

Being abit shy is totally OK!, just be yourself don't try to be anything your NOT, trying to be something your not is doomed to failure as people can spot a faker miles off.

**Build your own self confidence in small steps, make small yet achievable goals or challenges. Dare yourself to go and talk to someone you do find attactive but keep it light hearted i.e. just small talk if you like.

**Flirting does have its place in the scheme of things, flirting is a great game and you can potentially have huge amounts of fun with it. Perhaps learning to flirt abit more in your own way would also boost your self confidence too.

You never know you may even get the surprise of your life and get a date with someone you fancy?? :-)

**More than anything else though, you should like & love yourself before anything else. I'm sure your a lovely person inside and someone will see that sooner or later, you just haven't met that person yet.

Kind Regards to you, Ivan

Answer 6

It sounds like they know how to use their assets to get attention. It's about enhancing your good points, like if you have a pretty face, get a hairstyle that flatters it, and nice earrings and other jewellery. If your hands are a good feature, get regular manicures, paint your nails and wear nice bracelets, rings and watches. If you have a nice figure, wear clothes that set it off - but appropriate to your workplace.

I'm a fair bit overweight but I attract considerable male attention because I have a nice face, a great rack and great hair - and I'm not blonde!

It's good to make the effort, and don't get disheartened about the other girls in your office. They are flashy, skinny, young, and probably learned how to handle themselves out of desperation. Find a colour,item of jewellery, pashmina, whatever that really sets you off, and wear it. Emphasise a certain class in your style that's different to their flashiness - it will attract the type of attention that you will like.

Remember, flashy things attract magpies and carrion crows. Like attracts like. So what if you're different from them, it doesn't mean you're less attractive.

Answer 7

Here's a little secret - There's something wrong with every person in the world. Might be self-esteem, could be personality disorder, manipulative tendences, depression, perversions - you name it.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being you. It's all right not to fit into societal norms and just be yourself. The girls who flirt need attention from an outside source (as you astutely noted), so you're not as insecure as you think. You simply prefer your own company. Who's to say that's wrong if that's how you choose to live?

Answer 8

Just be confident in everything you and it always comes the best in you!

Answer 9

forget skinny - blokes are supposed to like big boobs and butts

Answer 10

Assertive vibrance is where its at.