I'm torn. I want to try and have a baby but my husband doesn't now.?

Question

I'm young(not too young) and have been married now for a while and want to try and have a baby. It's been my dream my whole life. Instead of dreaming up the perfect wedding,I always imagined the perfect kid. Im not obsessed I just feel as thought for me,its time. But my husband doesn't feel as it is for him and I would NEVERforce him into someting like that right now if he doesnt feel it's time. Yet, how much longer should I stay around and wait. I love him but this is just building up inside me...aww this is selfish huh

Answer 1

seek a marriage councillor, give it some time, try and show him the benefits of having a kid, and if all else fails, divorce or don't have a kid...

you can't force a kid on someone, some people have done things like poking a hole in a condom... and doing something that low is sooo not classy... doing something like that puts you on the level of dirt and you wouldn't deserve a kid if you stooped that low.

Answer 2

I would have thought this would have been something you and he would have discussed before you even got married. This unfortunately is one of the many reasons so many people are getting divorced nowadays is because of lack of commuication before they get married. One wants one thing the other another and not that they are bad for it they just never asked you see what I am saying. Hopefully you and your husband can communicate now and eventually work this out talk with him dont pressure and try and find out where his head is at on this. Ask him when he thinks he would be ready and why. Tell him your feelings and why you are ready now, try and meet in the middle. He might want to wait due to money or a certain age or until he reaches a certain point in his career or maybe he just feels you guys are too young and need to see the world a little more before you have that responsibility. So talk I am sure if you love each other you will be able to find a resolution but just don't force him into it if you know what I mean thats not good for anybody and will eventually ruin your relationship if he really feels as strongly as you say about it. Good luck to both of you.

Answer 3

You're not selfish - you're experiencing the desire to become a mother - most women do experience that. Well, you need to hang with some people who have young kids and listen to their stories. Not many of us - exactly planned every child. Not many of us were ready - I can't think of anyone I know who can say - they were 100% ready for it to happen. It may not be what he wants right now - but - well it will be when the time comes. Just keep talking to him about it - not many men don't want to have kids - it's just that they don't want to give up their many freedoms and increase their responsibility factor in life by 500%. You need to ask him - if he ever wants to have kids - I mean - that's a conversation most pastors I know - make couples talk about in pre-marital counseling. Most pastors don't marry couples who don't feel the same way about having kids - it's a woman's deepest heart desire to raise children - it's only natural. This is something that I think is serious enough to talk through with a pastor or older person you trust. Is he saying - he never wants kids - or that he wants certain things in place first? If he wants those things in place - what is he doing to reach those goals and what if he never reaches them? You need to share these feelings with your husband with a counselor or someone who can keep him accountable to taking you seriously and really help him listen to your feelings.

Answer 4

I don't think ur being selfish but this seems like something that should have been worked out before u were married. None of my children were planned but we love them to death. I think u really need to sit down and have a serious talk with your husband because I would hate for u to become pregnant and have him think that u did it on purpose. So just have a heart to heart with him and if u feel that strongly about kids and he soesn't after u guys talk then maybe u will have to make some decisions. But first try to talk it out and see exactly why he feels like its not a good time. It may just be alittle anxiety.

Answer 5

First, you need to find out why your husband does not want to have a child right now. Is he worried about money? Time? Does he even want a child? Then see how you two can address the issue together. For example, if it is money you could go over your household budget together and figure out whether or not you can really afford to have a baby right now or what changes you could make in your budget to save for the future. Hopefully, you both discussed having children before you got married but if you didn't, or he's changed his mind, you will need to take that into consideration. It really depends on how long you are willing to wait. Pushing him into it or "accidentally" getting pregnant could wreak havoc on your marriage. Good luck!

Answer 6

What concerns me is your imagining of the "perfect kid". While being a parent is the biggest blessing in the world it is rarely what you imagine it will be and I think that you need to explore that before you have a baby to ensure that you are ready for the situation. What if your baby or being a mother is nothing like what you have imagined. You need to have a realistic and mature view of motherhood and parenting. Your child is a human being that will emerge with his own personality and may not be your image of a perfect kid, what happens then. Give yourself some time.

Answer 7

I was in this same situation with my ex-husband. Around our second year of marriage, I felt it was time for us to start a family. But he kept making excuses not to, like not enough money, etc. Come to find out, he had a child that he never told me about with a woman before me who left him shortly after the child was born and he was scared that I was going to do the same thing. A couple of years later, he was still of that mindset and I left him for that and other reasons. Ask your husband what he's feeling about it and see if there's anything you can do to ease his fears or whatever else. If you feel like leaving him is a good decision for you, then go for it. But before you do that, exaust all other options first, including counciling for the both of you.

Answer 8

No, it's not selfish of you. I'd say to give him time, but you also have to keep in mind that you only have so much time before you can't have kids. So, don't hang on too long, either. Has he ever told you why he needs more time? You're never REALLY ready for a baby....you're never going to have enough money, enough space, etc. But, like I said, you have every right to be a mother if you want so give him time, but don't hang on so long that you run out of time.

Answer 9

My sister in law had The same issue with her hubby. He was worried they didn't have enough money and that with his job he was away a lot and wanted to wait til he could be home more. They started trying to conceive on their 10th wedding anniversary( she was 32) . She is now almost 39 and they are still trying. Be careful about waiting to long as you may have fertility issues.

Answer 10

Do you know why he wants to wait? Finding the real answers to that question may help things a lot.