and complain that they didn't get anything?
Gifts are not compulsory, they are optional and it is nice to give them if you can but people should understand if some people can't give them. Guests attendance should be enough and you should never invite people just to get extra gifts. Some people have to pay lots of money to travel to and stay at a place for your wedding and I think it's a bit much to expect a gift on top of this. If they don't give a give, who cares? It's not the end of the world. Who agrees? Why are some people so rude when it comes to expecting gifts for weddings?
2007-10-16 19:18:19 · 27 answers · asked by BTB2211 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I should have said before that of course everyone likes to get gifts and to some extent expects them in return for inviting people, but if they don't get them for whatever reason, they should just accept it and not kick up a stink.
2007-10-16 19:45:44 · update #1
I do think that some people get a bit too concerned about the gifts. The reason that most people expect wedding gifts is that it is customary, and nice, for guests to give them. Though no one is ever obligated to give a present. Someone who gets upset because someone else didn't give a gift needs to grow up. There are *far* more important things in the world than who did or didn't give a present.
EDIT: In response to Israel: I would certainly hope that a person who couldn't afford a gift would come to my wedding anyway. Weddings are for celebrating - not for gift-grubbing. That's the attitude that needs to change. sorry, but it does.
2007-10-17 03:49:52 · answer #1 · answered by SE 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is not rude to expect gifts for a wedding, just about every wedding there are wedding gifts from the guests, but I agree that it is rude to kick up a stink if you don't get the gifts. However it IS a wedding and guests really should bring a gift even if it is something small and inexpensive, even if it is just a card. It is rude for the guests to think gifts are optional. They are happy to go for the free meal and alcohol but can't be bothered getting a gift for the couple. Rude as!
And yes you shouldn't invite people just to get gifts, in fact I have never heard of this happening as what you pay for the extra person would (generally) not be covered by their gift, so why bother.
2007-10-17 03:22:57 · answer #2 · answered by Stiffler 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I have to agree with a few of the previous responders here. I mean for a wedding its a celebration of two new lives together. And everyone knows that doesn't come easy, especially when you first buy a new house and maybe even move to a new state or whatever as the new couple. So I think the gifts are more than that, they are tokens of help from family and friends that went through the same thing on their big day. So to me gifts are a symbol of help/getting the new couple off started off on the right foot. And in return the house warming party they throw if they are still in the area, is sort of a thank you I think more for the people that helped the couple out with their gifts. I mean its more rude I think to not show up with something at a wedding, even though you knew about it several months or even a year in advance. No money is that funny, that you can't at least pick up a small gift. Maybe a bit of silverware or something from the dollar store or whatever. Personally I would not accep someone's invite to my wedding if they didn't at least bring a small gift. I know it may seem rude to you, but seriously if I spent alot of money for my big day to share with family and friends, basically people that love me and my new hubby, then I would be pissed as all get out if someone just came, with their bratty kids, or just came by themselves and was there to partake in all the festivities and then down grade my wedding after they leave. I really think that is rude and highly offensive. Just my take on it.
P.S. Why do you think gift registries are used? To get stuff that the couple need. Some people buy things that aren't on there, which I think is generous and at the same time unnecessary. But if they wish to do that I'm not going to turn them down.
2007-10-17 02:55:40 · answer #3 · answered by Cursed_Romantic 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I have mixed feelings about the subject. I've attended several weddings, and never would consider attending without a gift. To me, that is the way things are done. It's understood that when you attend a wedding, you offer a gift. It doesn't have to be extravagant, but some token is normal. I think it is rude to show up to a wedding or any other occasion like that without a gift. I also think it is rude for the host to say a word about the lack of a gift to anyone. To tell your family that Aunt Sally didn't give you a gift, and how cheap she is makes you at least as jerky as the Aunt who didn't offer even a card of congrats. I suppose I will get thumbs downs for my reply, but it is honest. I appreciate people coming to my wedding, and I also appreciate their gifts. It isn't that I think I'm owed a thing, either. For me, it's because I think that's how things are done. And, I don't care what anyone says about the ability to afford a gift-anyone I know has $10 to spend on a picture frame or $5 for a card.
2007-10-17 08:43:59 · answer #4 · answered by melouofs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I got married 14 years ago ( I will be celebrating my anniversery next week) I did not expect anything from anyone and people were very generous and kind to both of us. One lady on a very fixed income gave 10 dollars and for her that was a lot of money and out of all the gifts I got her gift touched me the most because she gave all she had. It is nice to give a gift my niece just got married and I was and still am unable to give a gift right now because of finances but when my husband and I get on our feet we will send her a gift certificate to bless her. When I was at the reception I was given a money bag to carry all the envelopes in and I refuesed to carry it around because I thought that was rude and in poor taste to expect money so I left the bag at our table and people put the envelopes in. I wanted along with my husband for our guests to feel loved and appriecated NOT feel they HAD to give. I dont go to many weddings but I do give a monetary gift for those that cant afford a gift a photoalbum or something nice for the home is also acceptable. I do agree that many weddings have become very cheapened with commericialism and materialism. You raise a very good point there is a lot of emphasis on gift giving. I feel you do what you can afford. Thank you for posting.
2007-10-17 02:45:33 · answer #5 · answered by encourager4God 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree and disagree. like you said It's nice if you can but some just can't Sometimes people are in a bind with money. If that is the case Do something simple, to say congratulations and thankyou for the invite.
You have to keep in mind that they also spend ALOT of money to have you and everyone else there, and you didn't HAVE to go. When a couple gets married it's nice for people to get them things to help them out.
They should not however complain or be angry about not getting a gift. Then shouldn't be that selfish.
I hope you see where I am coming from and I don't want to come off ass if I am attacking you.
2007-10-17 02:26:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
From the POV of the the couple getting married, they should not expect gifts.
BUT the guests should not use that as an excuse to be cheap. From the guest's POV, etiquette requires that they do give a gift if they attend. According to the Emily Post Institute: "Guests invited to the wedding have an obligation to send a gift, whether they are attending or not." (Although she gives a few exceptions.)
2007-10-17 02:33:48 · answer #7 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
While i wouldn't EXPECT people to bring gifts at my wedding, most people will anyway. I would never say anything to that person and it wouldn't bother me if i didn't get gifts . ( i'm putting no gifts on the invitations )
However, everyone is different . i'm going to a wedding in December , and i honestly would not turn up without a gift, i think that is not only rude , but also embarrassing .
2007-10-17 03:05:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
I do think it is rude, most guests are polite and bring a card at least but it is wrong to expect gifts or be upset if you don't get any.
We did not register and when people asked us what they could get for us we said we just wanted them to come and celebrate with us, that's all we wanted, we got very few gifts and were very grateful for everything we got, but more than anything we loved having all our friends and family there with us to celebrate with us. That was more than enough of a gift.
2007-10-17 06:52:49 · answer #9 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is so hard about going to the dollar store picking up a card and shoving some money in it! I really don't care if I get anything when I get married because I need for nothing but shoot, if I'm spending a crapload of money on a plate for you, you could at least give me an EMPTY dollar store card. But would I be mad at getting nothing of course not Why? because you're presence at my wedding is gift enough for me, the fact that you dragged yourself to the place and sat through the whole thing means something to me. But DO NOT skip the wedding then come to the reception JUST for the free meal. That pisses me off
2007-10-17 03:16:22 · answer #10 · answered by yungin4lyfe 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋