Too soon to introduce him to my son?

Question

I'm newly divorced and dating a great guy on wealthyromance.com(at least he seems great after five dates). Things seem to be progressing so quickly ? I'm excited but also wary. He has a daughter, and he wants me and my son to go to a movie with him and his daughter, but I'm not sure if it's too soon to introduce him to my son. I'm afraid my son will think I'm trying to replace his father. Help!

Answer 1

Do not replace his father. Don't try to be overtly affectionate with the gentleman on the date, just friendly. I'm sure you have other friends, and he and his daughter should be introduced first as friends and then allowed his relationship with your friend to grow as your relationship grows.

You should be careful also. Remember, though you want companionship, and deserve to have it, your first responsibility is to the child, until he is grown. Give the relationship a lot of growing time. If this is a good relationship your new friend will understand.

Answer 2

You can, but you take it slowly. So in other words you would introduce him as a good friend, you wouldn't be aafectionate with him-Establish this plan with him before hand. So no hugs, kissing, or holding hands. You don't want to make him a threat. You tell your son he has a daughter and it would be fun to hang out. Do something less intimate though-bowling or a walk in the park- movies are dates..and you want to do something where he and your child can interact..you can't do that in the theater...So he wouldn't be getting to know him.
After a few days of getting to know him, you see his impressions on it and take it from there. It is dangerous to introduce someone as a relationship too soon, b.c even if he likes him-if you break up he has to suffer another loss all over again..go slow.

Answer 3

It can be hard starting to date again with a child. You need to talk to your son and tell him that you have a friend that wants to meet him. If it works out with the guy try to explain to your son that you are not trying to replace his father but you need someone to be there for you and him both. His father should reinforce this. I know it can be had b/c I have a son and am not married to his Father. I have also been through this as a child with my mom and dad. Just keep the lines of communication open between you and your son. That is the main thing. Good Luck.

Answer 4

This is tough. If you see the relationship progressing to a point where you could have a permanant future with this person, then you can consider introducing him to your son. If you don't see a permanant future, or "aren't sure" if that is something you want to pursue, then you shouldn't. You don't want to bring people into his life that aren't going to be there long term. If you do decide to introduce him to your son, introduce him as your friend for now...and no PDA in front of the children.

Answer 5

If you feel this uncomfortable about it then wait. It doesn't seem to feel right with you. Try taking small steps and talking about mommy having men as friends and how that would make him feel. Over time (no matter how fast or slow that is) you can introduce the idea that you like this man and so forth. But always reassure your son that he comes first.

And I agree with an earlier post, If he attaches to this man and the man leaves your son suffers also.

Answer 6

First, I would ask how old your son is.

Second, I would advise you ask your son what he wants to do. If he's a teenager, let him decide. If he's younger, explain to him what's going on and let him decide if dating is right for you. If your son is effected negatively by it, it won't be good.

Regardless of where this goes, don't make any decisions based on your butterfly feelings. For example, don't move in together. Date for many months. Set a good example for your son.

If he's a suitable husband, I suggest not getting married until your son is 18, or atleast let your son decide.

Also, it is up to your son who he chooses to be his dad. If he's young, he shouldn't be subjected to your various boyfriends. Also, your dating shouldn't interfere with your relationship with your son, since it isn't your sons fault for the divorce. His possible step-father has not right nor authority over him, however the step-father does have complete responsibility for the proper care of the family. This responsibility does not give him any authority, however. Remember, your son is a child, not an adult.

Answer 7

well, I suppose if your son wonders about that, then it might be a good example of explaining him about moving on, and keeping the person that you had memories with in your mind, or maybe not even in your mind (everyone has different ways of remembering their ex-'s...). But if it has to come to hiding the truth from him, it is extremely probable that he will find out sooner or later.

If you want to tell him, explain the situation without using baby words, and answer his questions directly. Moving on is important for people to learn, and most of us don't learn via their parents (god forbid, a broken family hurts). But because of this, telling him about relationships and moving on will definitely help him in the future...unless he's my age (high school)...in that case, all the better to tell him: he'll understand the seriousness faster. if not, then it'll just be a good life lesson that he will choose to remember or not. In any case, good luck with the new guy and hope I helped.....

Answer 8

Always remember. Your son will always be a part of you.
Do you think that your son is strong enough to handle it? I don't think there is anybody that can answer this question, except for you. You are the one that knows your son the best.
Whatever you do decide. I wish you the absolute best of luck!!

Answer 9

It all really depends on how old your son is, and just how attached he was to his father. Also, how protective he is of you.

Answer 10

IF IT IS A PLAY DATE THEN DO NOT SHOW ANY AFFECTION TOWARDS THIS MAN AND IN FACT I WOULD NOT EVEN DO IT YET IT IS TOO SOON!!!!!