What to say to someone who has been date raped in the past?

Question

My friend just told me that in her last relationship she was date raped. Her mom doesn't know, the only person besides me who knows is the dean of our university, which is a private Christian one.

It's not a deal of who do I tell, but it was something that really matters to her. Where we are now, the general school of thought is that you get married before you have sex. So her virginity was something incredibly important to her, something for her future husband.

Now she feels devalued, worthless, tainted... And to have that taken forcibly from you, not even being able to give it to someone you love... I can't imagine it. All I can do is love her, but now my heart is breaking and I don't know what to do. Some help?

And to FENDER- what a feeling statement. This is not something you just "get over". Being a psychology major, looking at people in counseling, this REALLY messes people up. It tears out any sense of self-worth,leaving you dry and empty and depressed. And helpless. Do you have any idea how awful it is to know that any power you had, however you handled yourself, is not going to stop someone who wants to hurt you? I didn't think so. Don't spout off stupid, unthinking, callous answers. Just keep them off Yahoo. We don't want them.

And just because you can't get enough does not mean that my friend is going to like it after a while. I don't need that.

And it doesn't matter whether or not virginity is overrated. Try telling someone that the watch their dad gave them before he walked out is worthless. It isn't worthless. Not to them. It represents something. It's special. To my friend, her virginity was something that was important to her even before she lost it, is even more important because she lost it through no choice of her own, making it even more special than before.

Answer 1

All u can do is reassure her that you will help her in any way she needs it..be a friend and just listen if she wants to talk

Answer 2

generally speaking, the Politically Crowd have written the guidelines so as that a girl's sexual previous is probably no longer entered into the checklist as information. adult adult males are being released from detention center each and all of the time who've been falsely accused and have not been authorised to grant a solid protection at their trial. some have served many years via fact the female lied. yet permit's get authentic international right here. Any guy who hooks up with a chick with a foul acceptance leaves himself open for all varieties of unsightly consequences. STDs, violence, robbery, fake arrest, etc. someplace interior the Bible is the passage, "the sensible guy sees the evil and avoids it, however the fool passes on and is punished".

Answer 3

My boss raped me in January, and I think I'd rather be murdered than raped, after going through that. It was humiliating, it was degrading, and he took away the one thing I can never get back. I highly suggest that she gets counseling--as embarrassing as it may seem, it'll be more embarrassing to waste countless months, even years, dealing with this pain.
I have some advice for your friend: Don't let it define you. Control was taken from you, and now you have a chance to take it back. You MUST forgive your rapist, and forgive yourself. Forgive literally means "to give as before," which means when you forgive, you will live as you did before your incident.
Virginity is a lot more figurative than it is literal--if "virginity" was defined by when your hymen was broken, then all of us women would lose our virginity at age five, riding our bikes. Your virginity is YOURS. That means you define when you lose it. You are not dirty, you are not broken, you are not spoiled. You are beautiful and it's your choice how you move on from here. Later down the road, you might choose to give this special gift to someone you love, hopefully someone you're married to. On your wedding night, you will look at your husband and say, "This is a gift for you. I have saved it just for you, and I have never given it to anybody else." Your body isn't tainted. Rape is a violent crime, not a sexual crime. It had nothing to do with sex, except that his penis entered your vagina. It was violent, not sexual.
You can either choose to let this run your life, let it define you, and you can live in this horrible event. Or, you can choose to say, "This is not who I am. I am not a rape victim, I am me, and I was raped." That doesn't mean you "get over it." It means you cope with it, deal with it, go to a counselor if you need it. It means you don't let yourself be defined by this single event. It can help shape you, but it doesn't have to define you... unless you let it.
Good luck with your friend. Give her all the love, all the space, and all the support you can. Make sure she knows that she isn't alone, and there are hundreds of thousands of other women who have been exactly where she is. If she needs someone to talk to, make sure she knows you're there, all day and all night. Let me know if she needs another rape victim to speak to. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 4

ohhh that happened to a cousin of mine!! she felt the same way...saving herself for marriage.

tell her you'd kick the guy's all if you could and for her that it doesnt count!! she's just as perfect as always and tell her not to let one traumatic incident control her happiness for the rest of her life.

please make sure she does seek REALLY GOOD COUNSELING by talking to other similar victims.

I heard a trick somewhere, that when you want to put something in the past....to write such on paper ...then burn it or bury it.....by making a traumatic event the 'memory of the burying' so everytime she will think of it ...her mind will go to the buriel event instead of the actual event. ok? good luck

maybe along with writing out her feelings (no one to read it but her) she might also take a 'doll' and rip it up stomp on it stab it etc. hehe go along with her and some close friends or family and then have a nice celebration of release.

Answer 5

i say call a hotline so she can get some counseling. if she doesn't feel comfortable telling people. the same thing happened to me last semester. i'm at a private methodist school. i didn't tell anybody because i already knew what the results were gonna be. and i definitely didn't want my mom to find out. i just didn't want it to get around school. i'm getting over though. just basically blocking it from my mind. but i wish i would've gotten counseling at least. so i say do that.

Answer 6

all you can do is be there for her when it gets too much --- i know it will not help --- im sorry virginity is very overrated --- she is not tainted she had no control over what happened (which makes it worse) she has to find a life and find the strength to get past this ---- best wishes

Answer 7

she'll get over it edventually don't worry about it