i know she's been through alot in her life...my dad didnt care and gambled so she's cheating on him right now with my dad's brother and it hurts me.. My mom yells at me over every little thing...i know its normal for parents to scream...but even my family thinks she get caried away for no reason...she sees me as a mistake...like i ruined her life...i messed thinghs up for her...i dunno how...but i just wanna say im sorry for being born...she calls me every posible name imaginable...screwup, stupid, useless, pendeja, estupida, cabrona, etc...what did i do to make her life so wrong?..why cant anythingh i do make her happy?..how an i make her happy...i really have tried everythingh...but she doesnt even care...all my aunts have or are even scared of her...is that normal?..
2007-10-16 17:19:39 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
you can't make her change. you can't say anything to take away her pain. taking blame for something you are not responsible for isn't going to help her.
you can do several things. you can learn to shut down completely, but i don't recommend that. i did this when my mother went through her raging fits (most likely she's bi-polar) and called me this and that. i just learned to just not be there. not care. what happened was that eventually, any time i had to face something remotely painful, i shut down, didn't engage. it'll affect everything else because the injury has already been done. you can pretend like you're not in pain, or that you won't let her get to you this time or the next, but you're in so much pain you don't even know.
you can ask for help. you can do something good for yourself and find a counselor to talk to. you can stay with relatives you can trust. you need distance because nothing you can say will help her. your mother needs help that you cannot provide. her presence will only further damage you. a child should never have to apologize for being born. that's horrible.
your parents have made terrible mistakes, but you are not one of them. how they have treated you and done things that have harmed you, however, is a different story. we need to accept that we are individuals of choice, sometimes we are ill, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
accept that if you stick around, you can't help her be better by accepting what she says about you & trying to appease her.
it's not abandoning your mother. it's taking care of yourself by getting proper care so you don't lose your mind. you didn't mess things up for her. how did you mess things up for her? by being born? doesn't make sense. does that make sense to you? in truth?
it's going to be a long road ahead.
if you cannot or won't find another place to live/even if you do.
find activities outside the house.
please.
things you enjoy, things you thought you enjoyed, things you enjoyed in the past. art. sports. anything.
don't feel guilty about finding pleasure in life, either.
she wants to stay miserable and do miserable things, that's her. that doesn't have to be you.
she has been through a lot, i am sure, but that doesn't make it right. that doesn't make what she does to you okay. it's not okay. she's angry, she's in pain, it's true. but it's not your fault and she should not be taking it out on you. maybe she is sick, but you are not qualified to cure her. you need healing, too. and she's not interested right now in healing you. she claims you're a disease, but she's giving you a disease, and it's not right, it's not ok, it's not normal.
she cannot see. she cannot or won't. but just because she is blind and caught in her own web does not mean you have to be blind and trapped.
2007-10-16 22:58:39 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it's not normal.
For me to list all that is wrong with your mom would take too long to mention here, so I am not even going to try.
I think what is more important is for me to try to help you understand that none of this is your fault.
You can't make your mom happy because her happiness is entirely up to her.
I am so sorry that you have a mother who has created an environment where her daughter would wish that she had never been born. That's just not fair.
You aren't being fair to yourself either.
By trying to make an unhappy person like your mother happy, you have placed an unrealistic burden on yourself.
I hope you can find ways to turn your focus on your own happiness, & leave your mother to find her own.
The best way to start is for you to see if there are councellors at your school, or at church.
Or look up in your local telephone book, or on the internet for a kids crisis line, or kids help phone number.
Your mom might feel justified in her bad behaviour, but there is no justification for her letting you feel that you are somehow responsible for any of her troubles, or her unhappiness. That is just wrong!
Take care now!
2007-10-17 00:54:11 · answer #2 · answered by No More 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi friend,
You're mom is a terribly unhappy woman. She's hurt by your father's indifference & angry at his gambling. And her affair with your dad's brother just add another emotion into her, guilt. Sometimes guilt & being hurt can make people do inexplicably foolish things. People have this nasty habit of lashing out at others when hurt. That's what she is doing to you right now. You seem to be a convenient target of her frustration. But believe me, she's not mad at you. She's angrier at herself & the way her life has been going. In fairness, as you said she's been through a lot..But that's still not an excuse for the way she abused you. The answer to her unhappiness is all in her hands. The best you can do now while you're still with her is to be patient with her, understand her & show your care for her. You don't diffuse fire with fire, you throw in water instead. She's so hardened now that it seems that she's impenetrable. But hey, everybody still has soft spots in their hearts & if you find that in your mom, you'll see a transformation far beyond your wildest expectations. Your mom is not yet a lost cause. You make her smile again & you'll see your real mom.
2007-10-17 07:36:02 · answer #3 · answered by BERNARD C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't make her happy. You can't fix this because it isn't your fault. It is your mom's fault. So your dad is the way he is, her cheating with your uncle isn't going to help anything. She probably thinks it will, that shows you she isn't thinking straight. Or maybe she is just so selfish she doesn't care.
She is the one who had the choice to get pregnant or not. She is the one who chose not to abort you. She made those choices that brought you into this world, so if your being born "messed things up for her" it is her fault, not yours. Has she ever thought about how her choices have affected you? You didn't have any choice in being born, she brought you into this situation. Has she thought about how her whining about the choices she made are messing things up for you? No. She is thinking only of herself. If you can go live with another family member, do it! When your dad finds out what is going on, you won't want to be there. Stay in school, do good in your life, you can overcome this and prove her wrong about all those mean things she has said.
2007-10-17 02:30:37 · answer #4 · answered by RainbowSeer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NOT Normal. She is very unhappy and it has nothing to do with you but you are getting the hurt by it simply because you are there.
You can't make her happy- only she can do that and she might not be ready for happiness. She has a lot of trama going through her life and is not dealing with it well. It is not your fault. There is nothing that you can do to make her happy. All you can do is focus on making yourself happy. Be there when she needs you. Help out as much as possible, but don't make her problem yours.
It is not acceptable for her to call you names. That could be verbal abuse. If it is not tolerable, then tell someone and live with a relative until she gets her life back together. If this is how she has always been then she will problemly not change. I know that you love her, but does she love herself? As a parent, I would never want my children to hear that from myself or anyone else!
Best wishes.
2007-10-17 00:25:47 · answer #5 · answered by Angela S 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel bad for you. No child should be treated like that. Is it possible for you to move out? Maybe to a relatives place for a little while? You shouldnt even be apologizing for being born!! It was no fault of yours. You didnt ask to be here. The problem is your mothers and hers alone!!! At the moment , I honestly dont believe anything will make her happy. But I still think you should look for somewhere else to live for a while.
Good luck to you.
2007-10-17 00:26:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't be sorry for being born.
Her number one problem is guilt. Deep down she feels guilty not only for cheating, but for cheating with his brother. She has a guilty conscience, because no mater how your dad treats her it is wrong. She is taking it out on you. She is ruining her own life not you. She has messed things up for herself not you.
Try your hardest not to let her ruin your self esteem. One day she will realize that she is messing things up, and if not you will be 18 ( if not already ) and you will get to a point and not take her crap anymore. Don't let her make you hate your life.
Someday you will find some one who will make you realize that you being born was a blessing.
Stay strong
2007-10-17 00:29:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your family is your first set of challenges to overcome.
All you can do is get through school and get the heck away from there. See if you can find a grandparent or aunt to stay with while you finish high school.
Your mom is just plain messed up. Taking revenge for screwing around by screwing around is nuts. She's on drugs and alcohol. She doesn't respect herself so she can never respect anyone else.
2007-10-17 02:20:42 · answer #8 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
mein liepchen, if this is a real problem and im not trying to downplay it, please,please, go talk to a school counselor. a pastor or any other adult with commen sense.
there could be any number of problems with your mom but one for sure is that she is not emotionally sound.
without being a professional, i would tell you that she does not realize the bad feelings she is giving you.
you are not useless or stupid. the best thing you can do is find help for yourself. please, go to your pastor, or any pastor at all. if you feel that you cant, plz write me.
nothing seems normal about her behavior. i would so like to hear back from you. there is hope and help. hang in there.
tajura001@yahoo.com. i will listen and try to help.
2007-10-17 00:34:46 · answer #9 · answered by tajura001 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh hun, you did absolutly nothing wrong. It sounds like your mom has some mental problems. I grew up like that and my mom was always off like that and just always mad... it took her years to find out, but she was bipolar! She is just now since all of us kids have been out of the house, being treated for it. Regardless of what your mother tells you, you were not a mistake. Someone else has a reason for you being here. You may not find out what the reason is for a while, but you were not a mistake!
No its not normal, its sad.
2007-10-17 00:37:17 · answer #10 · answered by Mommy to 1+triplets 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋