Ok, so you march onto stage to deliver a presentation to the Scientology communty. What do you say to them?

Question

All the Scientology celebrities are in the front of the crowd. This is a major Scientology event with 50,000 present and dozens of cameras streaming your presentation live all over the world.

Answer 1

You know something Gandalf....you Scientologists keep saying that to me, yet you never even attempt to refute anything I've said...I guess that speaks for itself doesn't it :)

I'd give them this to chew on...its an overview of some of the info I've compiled about their organisation.

Scientology is a criminal organisation , founded in the late 1970's by a convicted felon named L. Ron. Hubbard. This organisation destroys lives and is responsible for countless crimes and deaths.

Scientology teaches that around 75 million years ago there was an alien named ‘Xenu’. His home world was over populated, so he dumped the excess population on earth in some volcanoes (which didn’t exist 75 million years ago), dropped H-bombs on them, then captured their souls and brain washed them. These souls are called ‘thetans’ and supposedly attach themselves to humans, causing all manner of ills.

Scientologists believe in denying various medical treatments such as medication to control seizures, anti-psychotics (for schizophrenia etc) mood stabilizers (for Bipolar, Manic Depression etc) and anti-depressants (for depression, Post Traumatic Stress (shell shock), postnatal depression etc).

Heribert Pfaff, aged 31 died in hotel room, of a seizure. He was undergoing a Scientology treatment regime which required him to cease taking his prescribed anti-seizure medication and take vitamins and minerals instead.

Margarit Winkelmann, aged 51, drowned herself after Scientologists placed her on a similar treatment regime which required her to stop taking Lithium, a mood stabilizer used to treat depression, Bipolar etc.

Check out this link for more examples of such tragedies

http://www.whyaretheydead.net/others/ars1032.htm

The following links are news stories about a girl with schizophrenia, whose parents refused to allow her to take her medication because they were Scientologists. She had a severe psychotic episode because she’d so long been deprived of treatment and killed her father and sibling, almost killing her mother too.

http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,20867,22069705-28737,00.html

http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,22045262-5001021,00.html

http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/scientology-denied-daughter-help/2007/07/09/1183833431861.html

Scientologists also believe they have the right to torture or kill ‘Suppressive Persons’ (SP) people who oppose Scientology
“ENEMY: SP Order. Fair game. May be deprived of property or injured by any means by any Scientologist without any discipline of the Scientologist. May be tricked, sued or lied to or destroyed.”
http://www.fairgamed.org/fairgame.htm
Scientology also has its own navy, called ‘Sea Org’. Sea Org members sign billion year contracts and are punished for perceived transgressions by being thrown over board (sometimes tied hand and food and blindfolded) and are thrown from various heights according to their ‘transgression’. Alternatively they may be locked in a chain-locker. ‘A chain-locker is "a dark hole where the anchor chains are stored; cold, wet and rats,”’

http://www.xenu.net/archive/so/index.html

The costs of becoming a Scientologist are prohibitive. In order to be fully ‘audited’, it costs a minimum of $277 000.00, and $380 000.00 if a fully audited individual wishes to become an auditor.

http://www.xenu.net/archive/prices.html


I think they'd throw me out before I got through saying all of that...

Answer 2

Tash-Viva: WOW you got so much wrong there. You need to wait for ZC to make a post on that stuff. I mean that you even get the anti-scientology stuff wrong. Such as, it was founded in the 1950s not 1970. And Im looking for the "convicted felon" thing on xenu.net but not finding it. Just to name a few things. (and Im an ex-scientologist)

Personally I think I might say alot of the same stuff but worded differently. Id say it more along the line of
"Did you know that you believe......"
Lots of Did you know statements followed by references such as ClamBake or YouTube or South Park.
Then when the laughter died down I would take my bows and consider it a successful standup routine.

Answer 3

Hahahaha. Yeah! I like that.
Since most of them don't know what they believe then I want to tell them all the secret stuff about their religion and tell them that my source is a cartoon show on tv. Maybe I can get paid as a comic for their meeting. ZeroCool would be much better at it but that would mean showing up someplace that there actually are scientolgists

Answer 4

So you 's get mostly rich people,so why when I drove cab out of Tampa FLa Airport and took you's to Ft. harrison Hotel in Clearwater fla you's were so Cheap and didn't TIP better,i guess you was going to leave it up to god like everythng else!!!

Answer 5

The Sermon on the Mount would be good!

Answer 6

"You are in a Cult, Get out... You to Tom Cruise."

Answer 7

ET phone home!