Last year I thought my pastor was flirting with me secretly, and I was flirting back. All the signs were there. Once I even went to him privately and told him people could see it, and he should stop. He was concerned about it, but he never confirmed or denied that he had. He left me alone, but stared at me alot, and would say weird things when I passed him. I am NOT proud of this, please no sneers. Later I called and told him how I felt about him, and he gently refused me. But after, he still kept staring at me, and would pull me close to him when we shook hands. Once we were standing close together until hiswife appeared, so he backed away from me quickly. He would "accidently" call me and say he meant to call someone else, but would try to keep me on the phone. Very suddenly, after all of that, he put in his resignation. Before he moved away, he acted as if I weren't there. Long story, but I had to confront him. He denied it all-said someone planted it all in my head. Am I crazy?
2007-10-16 16:48:03 · 24 answers · asked by Wendy's My Name 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
When I first asked my question, I ran out of letters and submitted it. I did repent. When I confronted him, I asked his forgivness. He fogave me, but never owned up to the flirtation he started in the beginning. After I had first told him to stop, he did.After I told him how I felt, he backed off, but later started up the special attention again. It became almost unbearable for me, but my husband could not see it and thought I was reading too much into it. Just beofe he resigned, he got very friendly with me, but I had stopped flirting and asked forgiveness not long after he turned me down. I was VERY ashamed, and still am. I am a christian. At that time I was having marital problems and he made me feel beautiful. He treated me like a queen. He knew about my problems. Yes, there is a 12 year difference between us, but we are both adults.
2007-10-16 17:33:37 · update #1
I'm still replying to some of you. Yes, I certainly think he did the right thing! As humiliating as it was, I was a relieved when he did turn me down. I think I just wanted to hear him say it? It was so sinful, I know. I have suffered, believe me. To the point of needing counselling, and feeling like God had abandoned me. I still struggle and wonder if I had imagined the whole thing. For those who think I just came on to him with no regret, that's just not true at all. I hate what I did. I just feel so confused about why he kept it going after he refused me. Guys- is it possible he just wanted to flirt, and nothing else?
2007-10-16 17:39:21 · update #2
Yes, it is possible he just wanted to play the game. Maybe he needed you to adore him, and because you obviously did, he found it hard to let go of you. So after he refused you, I'm guessing you were humiliated and backed away. After awhile of no games, chances are he "missed" you, and tried to keep up some secret communication with you without risking anything. In otherwords, he could still flirt with you, but not do anything that would cost him his job, reputation, ministry, testimony, marriage, or possibly the respect of his children if he has any. So basically what you guys had was a twisted emotional affair that he thought he was in control of. Evidently he realized he wasn't, because he had to get away from you or fall. I am so sorry he left you holding the bag. Yes, you were both wrong. In your hearts, you both commited adultery. And it cost your church it's pastor! Seek the Lord, Wendy. Keep up counseling, and learn from this tragedy, so that you never do something like this again! God bless you as you grow in Him.
2007-10-17 16:25:34 · answer #1 · answered by Truth Warrior 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wendy:
This Minister resigned. He did not conduct himself as a Father figure in this situation it sounds from your description.
Sometimes we do imagine things because we want to be wanted. You are not crazy but you must understand that people are human and if he was attracted to you, then it may have been a temptation that is not easily dealt with if he allowed his temptation to rule his head. I don't think it is wrong to appreciate someone for their beauty. It is wrong to carry your thought out and attempt deceit and affairs especially when you are the leader setting the example. He would not be the first minister to be tempted to sinful ways because sex is one of the easiest ways for the dark side to get into our life and destroy it. There is the notion that we will get away with it. Then it ends up going too far and the person is caught.
Only that man and God knows the true story. He will have to answer for it perhaps, perhaps not. I will not be his judge.
Rev. TomCat
2007-10-16 17:07:51 · answer #2 · answered by Rev. TomCat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It´s easy to miss read other people. It's also easy to fall to temptation. a pastor should be above that but he is, after all, a man.
From what you have said there is nothing to really accuse him of so you can´t bring him before the church as you might have if he had actually done something.
Maybe he was flirting and that is already to far for a pastor.
But so far, it looks like you for sure are guilty. You are not sure about him, but you did say you were flirting back. You committed adultery in your heart.
Have you considered asking him for forgiveness.
It will heal you and if he is guilty, it will (or should) convict him
Gypsy Priest
2007-10-16 17:08:42 · answer #3 · answered by Gypsy Priest 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, I'm a Christian, and a male.
Second, you're not crazy... pastors are human too, and humans make mistakes, and humans make more mistakes by trying to cover up their first mistakes.
I love the story of Joseph and Potiphar's wife... simply because Joseph *fled*... he didn't wait around to see how much flirting he could toy with before getting burnt... he just fled.
Why did the pastor do this? (I'm not sure if "this" refers to flirting or denial of the flirting - I think I answered the denial above)
Did you know Billy Graham has a chaperone? He won't enter a room alone with just a lady present... he makes sure he is accompanied by another man... there's wisdom and accountability.
2007-10-16 17:04:20 · answer #4 · answered by David F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Possibly. But if he resigned and left, it appears that he was trying to take care of the problem. Every pastor is a man, and every man is attracted to women (every normal man), so you shouldn't flirt with your pastor any more than you should flirt with any married person. If he is now gone, take it as a lesson, and one that you got through unscathed. In the future, honor the position God gave such a man, and do what you can to ensure he stays faithful and righteous. That ensures the same for you. Capish?
2007-10-16 17:02:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You may not be crazy at all. Pastors are men, and all men (women too) struggle with tempation.
Pastors are particularly vulnerable since they are supposed to be "approachable" to all the members of their flock.
Perhaps what started out innocently quickly got out of hand, and he watched you to keep an eye on you. Perhaps he was smitten, and knew a resignation was the only way to avoid temptation with you in the congregation.
He did what he did, and is responsible for it.
You did what you did, and are responsible for your participation.
Let it go, and move on, growing in the Lord.
2007-10-16 16:56:39 · answer #6 · answered by Bobby Jim 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Don't know if you're imagining it or not, but, it sounds like he was trying to avoid the feelings that he had for you, maybe with a few weak moments.
Noone can control the thoughts and feelings that come into their heads - they can only control what they do about it.
Don't you think he did the right thing? Obviously, if he was married he couldn't have a relationship with you, not to mention the inappropriateness of the relationship given the position he had.
Don't know the age difference, but that might have been part of it as well.
In any case, gently refusing you was the right thing to do, don't you agree?
2007-10-16 16:53:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 9⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you are crazy, he very well may have resigned from a simmiler incident with another woman in the parish
remember that pastors are not super moral humans, they are tempted just like everyone else, and with the trust parishiners put in them it is even harder for them
just be glad it didn't go farther than it did, and try to understand that he is a weak human being too
2007-10-16 16:54:16 · answer #8 · answered by Michael W 5 · 6⤊ 1⤋
Because of lust.And it sounds like he repented.He should've confronted you and rebuked you for the flirting as well as apologizing for his lack of discernment and committing spiritual adultery.His denial was also a sin of bearing false witness against you,so clearly this man has some issues.But then so do you.Stay in God's Word.That innocent flirting is harmless between two single people,but you should know better than to flirt with a married man.
2007-10-16 16:57:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Why? Maybe because he liked you. Just because he was your pastor do not let him put you into an uncomfortable position, if your pastor gets too close to you or is too friendly tell them to back off. You don't have to put up with that. It has nothing to do with religion, its just that sometimes us guys are too aggressive and have trouble realizing you are not interested.
2007-10-16 17:04:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋