My boyfriend and I have been together plenty long enough to be engaged by now so I am kind of expecting it soon. I know it won't really be a total shock when he purposes because we talk about it all the time but still , I really want to be surprised! So tonight he asked me if I'd like to look at the engagement ring he picked out!! I don't know how to feel about that! That kind of ruins the surprise... not kind of... it REALLY ruined it! I mean, I'm not expecting romeo to sweep me off my feet kinda thing but still, it seems like if I go look at it and pick it out with him that he shouldn't bother at all!
I am pretty upset and I don't know what to do or how to feel about it. Maybe I should go so I'm not disappointed in the ring he chooses (though I'm not fussy). I feel like just the fact that he told me he's looking at rings has ruined it.
Is this something normal, that girls go look at their rings pre-engagement??
Just need some help with this one!
No responses from kids, please!!
2007-10-16 15:14:51 · 18 answers · asked by seeingidog 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I understand what you are saying....you want to be completely surprised. However, think about it from his point of view. He wants to please you....he is going to spend money on something that you will have the rest of your life and he wants to do it right. It's a lot of pressure on a guy to pick something the woman would like.
I actually know a lot of women that pick out rings with their boyfriends. I have an idea for you. Look at the ring he picked (I'm assuming it's still at the store and he hasn't bought it).... then, pick 3 that you like equally....tell him what you like about all of them. Include the one he picked if you like it.
Show him what you do and don't like and then tell him to surprise you.
Would that be better?
In the end, you are going to be surprised. You won't know when or how and when he asks it will be wonderful.
I really do understand where you are coming from, but I think there is a way to help him and still be surprised.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I wish you all the very best.
I'm 36, by the way! ;)
2007-10-16 15:22:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not engaged, or have even looked at engagment rings with anyone. And last I checked I wasn't a kid anymore or even when I was a kid. But I will tell you this, if you wanted to be surprised so badly, you never would have brought it up so much. I mean I think you have literally wedged yourself between modern woman, who doesn't want to overly romanticize the proposal, but at the same time you are old fashioned and wished he would have picked the ring out and you don't have to go and pick one out. Now I say this is indeed a rock and a hard place situation. I honestly think being of such two minds as you are, you have ruined your own proposal be it a surprise or not. So I say the best thing you can do now is just own up to one or the other of the sides you are feeling the most. Either be very romantical and old fashioned and not go looking for rings because you trust his taste. Or be modern and pratical and go with him and show him the actual ring you want. But you can't have it both ways.
2007-10-16 22:25:36 · answer #2 · answered by Cursed_Romantic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is very common. Now days it seems to be more common than getting it as a surprise. Oh and just so you know it isn't because of the guy, a lot of girls WANT to go pick out a ring that they actually want. Personally I am old fashioned I would rather be surprised, but I wouldn't exactly say he shouldn't bother at all if he didn't. That's pretty selfish.
Like you said anyways
" I know it won't really be a total shock when he purposes because we talk about it all the time"
2007-10-16 22:22:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It does kind of ruin the surprise, but it's also nice to be able to give your input on something that you will be wearing for a long time. I picked my own ring. After a day of looking at many different rings, I saw the one I wanted and my eyes just filled up with tears. We didn't buy it that day, but my boyfriend (now my husband) surprised me with it a few days later when it showed up in an Easter basket full of candy.
Just tell your boyfriend you want to be surprised. Go through a wedding magazine together and show him some examples of what you like or don't like. If he understands that you want to be surprised, he will probably love planning the ring and the proposal.
2007-10-16 22:31:39 · answer #4 · answered by Suze N 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lots of women help to pick it out, and then again lots of women are completely clueless that it's about to happen. My husband and I decided together one night to get married. There was no real proposal. Afterwards we went look at rings. He gave me my engagement ring on my birthday (about a month after we had decided to get married). He was a lil short on cash at the time, so he wasn't able to get the one I wanted. But he also didn't want me walking around anymore without one. We've been married for seven months now, and he recently let it slip that I'm getting the ring I really wanted for Christmas. So yay! I told him I wanted him to give it to me in a special way since I never really got the real proposal.
I understand how you might feel a little cheated since you know it's coming. But knowing that the one you want is coming is a good feeling! Just make sure he does something special for you when he gives it to you!
2007-10-16 22:28:22 · answer #5 · answered by copswife134 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Every girl I know, including myself, has looked at engagement rings. My best friend picked out and told her boyfriend what ring to buy. I on the other hand would like to be a little surprised about the ring so my boyfriend and I have looked at many and I have told him what I like and don't like. We have looked at stores and online.
I'm sure he wants you to look at it so he knows you'll love it...after all you are the one who will have to wear it for the rest of your life. On the other hand I can completely understand wanting to be surprised.
How about instead of looking at the specific ring he has picked out how about you go online or go to a jewelry store and show him what you like. He can then figure out if you would like the ring he has picked out or he can pick a ring out that you have told him you would like. It would still be a surprise because you wouldn't know which one it would be.
You still don't know when or how he will propose so that will still be a surprise and what the ring could potentially be would also be a surprise. All the fun hasn't been taken out of the event...there still a lot of mystery...
Look at it this way. My best friend I mentioned before, knew what ring she was getting, she knew when he bought it (she found the receipt) but she was still surprised at how he proposed. All is not lost.
Best of luck!! Hope this helps.
2007-10-16 22:27:50 · answer #6 · answered by Kikihops 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are many different views on this. I picked out my own engagement ring; I knew exactly what I wanted (a sapphire with side diamonds) and the experience of shopping for it together was actually quite romantic.
It sounds like the surprise is a big thing to you, though. If so, then your best bet is to tell your boyfriend this--it's not that he's dense, but men usually don't know things like this unless they are told.
2007-10-16 22:23:19 · answer #7 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know a lot of girls that knew before hand and helped pick out their ring...they were very anxious to get married. But I would want to be surprised, so i understand where you're coming from. Tell him that you don't want to see it! You know that you are not picky, so don't sweat it. Just let him know that you want to be surprised about the whole thing. Even though you know it's coming, you can still be surprised about exactly how and when he's going to propose!
2007-10-16 22:22:47 · answer #8 · answered by janamichella 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I would like my man to have some guidance when picking out an engagement ring. I wouldn't want him to pick something I didn't like or would be afraid to wear. I would do this one of two ways. I would go ring shopping with my man and browse through the rings to let him know what I like and what I don't, and why. Or, I would take a trusted friend to do the same thing. This friend would be able to advise my man on the type of ring to pick out. For me, even getting to the question would be a shocker in itself, no matter how long I was in a relationship with him.
2007-10-16 22:20:50 · answer #9 · answered by Erin 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
hmmm, I know how important the way a guy proposes, the kind of ring, the wedding and all of that is to a lady. I should know, after all I am one. However, over time, I have learnt that all holds little value to me. I don't care what type of ring, how big the wedding is or how he asks me to marry him...the bottom line, is im spending the rest of my life with the man i love....u get me? soo dont be too upset.. the ring is a symbol of your love. nothing wrong, with deciding together what that symbol should look like.
2007-10-16 22:31:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋