what do you do when your step-daugther who is 20 gets whatever she wants and can do whatever she wants. We have been paying her cell phone since she was 16, this month we got the bill and it was over 500 because she used double the minutes that we have. I called her and asked her to pay her portion of the over charge and my husband came unglued. I am not allowed to call her about things like that and as he put it, she can do what she wants and I will always cover her. She is 20 years old. He thinks he can make up for not being there for 8 years when she was growing up. What do I do? I have a 13 year old from a previous marriage, and her behavior takes things away from him.
2007-10-16 14:49:12 · 20 answers · asked by shanna_mae_pink 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You've got to get on the same page as your husband. Its not that she's the problem, the issue falls between the two of you. You've got to work it out how each others kids are negatively effecting the relationship of your marriage and what compromises your going to do to work it out. Seeing a therapist on this might not be a bad idea. Otherwise it builds more and more resentment.
2007-10-16 14:52:37 · answer #1 · answered by Kellie 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She's not ruining your marriage. You need to sit down with your husband and go over your household budget. You need to each have some play money, or money that neither of you needs to account for. His daughter is his responsibility, your son is yours. Joint money should be for household things, couple stuff, children from this marriage, basically anything that belongs to you both that comes from the marriage. He can use his play money to give his daughter, but it shouldn't come out of your joint bills. Seriously though, she should be paying her own bills and she shouldn't be on your cell plan any more. Having a son of your own from a previous marriage means that you really ought to know better than to pit a parent against his/her own child, no matter that child's age. If your husband did the same thing in regard to your son, how would you feel?
2007-10-16 21:56:05 · answer #2 · answered by ♛Qu€€n♛J€§§¡¢a♛™ 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you also provide income to support the household you absolutely have the right to not only an opinion but the right to decide how the money is spent. I suggest first off to change her cell phone to an unlimited plan that Metro PCs offers or Boost unlimited where you get talk and text for a flat rate of 40.00 per month for metro PCs or 60,00 for boost unlimited she cant go over . That's one thing that could solve one problem. Your step daughter is clearly taking advantage of this situation, she knows that her dad is trying to make up for time lost but unfortunately you cant That part of her life is done. Its unfair to you that she's able to do as she pleases when your child has to suffer the consequence. I'm sure you've spoken with your husband but don't let this ruin your marriage fight for it and let him know some changes have to be made.
2007-10-16 22:02:52 · answer #3 · answered by that hot chick 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
QUIT PAYING FOR HER CELL PHONE!
Tell her she is old enough to get a job and pay for her own cell phone. Call the cell phone company and cancel that number.
Your new mantra is, “If the mama ain’t happy, then NOBODY is happy.” The mama is the ultimate authority. You must step into your power as such.
You need to get your husband on the same page. His daughter should be more responsible than that. He is ultimately doing her a disservice by coddling her.
You have to be the parent, which means you must use every method at your disposal to instill the values in your children that will help them to be successful in life. They cannot navigate our society without morals, ethics, responsibility and respect. If that means instilling respect by means of a well aimed slap on the face or a doubled-up belt across their behinds, then so be it. You do what you must to get the point across.
You provide for all of the kids' needs, so while they are under your roof, the kids must obey your rules. They must go to school, keep their grades up, do their homework, pick up after themselves and do whatever chores you ask of them. If they will not comply, the door is that-a-way.
If you cannot get him on the same page, try dragging him into a marriage counselor. Chances are you will have to wage something of a campaign to harass the little monster out of your house.
You really need to get your paychecks hitting a separate account so he can't use your money to pay for luxuries for his kid.
2007-10-16 22:38:33 · answer #4 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your step daughter isn't ruining your marriage! Your husband has done a fine job of setting up the dynamic which now exists in this wicked triangle. Daddy's little girl knows all to well how to manipulate him. Step out of that losing game and take care of your 13 year old...she needs you! The 20 year old horror show never will. Better yet, get rid of your husband, he sounds like a real winner!
2007-10-16 21:56:22 · answer #5 · answered by Chris B 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Talk to your husband. The so called "key" to a relationship is communication explain to him that she's 20 years old and an adult that she has to grow up and be more responsible because he's not going to be here forever. And instead of buying her love he should show her a good time something that both can think back as good memories (taking her out to dinner to talk about each other life, bowling, planning a trip over the summer).
2007-10-16 21:55:59 · answer #6 · answered by Abbie 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you are in the right on this argument. I can't imagine my parents supporting my "frivolous" stuff at age twenty. I mean, they wouldn't hesitate to help any of their children in hard times, but a cell phone bill of $500...I don't think so. She obviously doesn't have the responsibility to keep up with her minutes. Does he allow your 13 year old to have a bill of $500? Maybe he should be allowed the same. This might wake your husband up a bit. I feel for you.
2007-10-16 21:56:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
The step-daughter is spoiled by Dad. The cell phone: Dad needs to increase the cell plan so as to pay higher monthly but have unlimited so as no to receive such a high overage.
Really believe family counseling is required. Husband refuses to see his daughter causing a problem & will only resent you if you bring it up; a counselor may be able to help point it out. Then, your son may be able to fit easier, too.
2007-10-16 21:59:54 · answer #8 · answered by Carole Q 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Keep your money accounts separate from the hubby, and tell him point blank that if he plans to spoil her in a monetary fashion when she's a grown adult then you are going to take some of the finances into your own hands so that your child that is actually still underage has a normal childhood and doesn't grow up with that horrible example of how to be. Ugh I can't stand really spoiled kids like that.
2007-10-16 21:53:43 · answer #9 · answered by good gollum 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think this one is between you and your husband. Your step-daughter isn't going to stop unless your husband stops. I'm sure he feels bad about not being there for her, but he isn't doing her any favors by allowing her to do what she wants and cover things. You and him really need to sit down, and talk it through. Its a tough situation, but if its not right, its not right. you have a son that also needs to be considered. she's not a child anymore. She could be using your husband's guilt to her advantage. Sometimes the best love is, tought love.
2007-10-16 22:36:03 · answer #10 · answered by cherryblossoms 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋