My fiance and I are getting married in 3 weeks. The wedding is in another country so my family and I have to travel to it. WE wanted a SMALL wedding, but her family is forcing us to have a large wedding. Her family told us that we can do the invitations (nothing else has been our choice). After finishing all 500! invites her parents asked for. They tossed them out and said they were garbage, said they looked to cheap, and have since started redoing them. But only redoing 250. But my fiance and I were happy with them. we worked very hard doing them by ourselves. The problem is mostly her father, hes been pushing us both around and not letting us make choices and seems to see the reception more as an event for his reputation. My question is... should decisions on things like this be up to her family, if me AND her both disagree with them along with my family. My family also paid for the invites... It is our wedding, shouldn't we have a say regardless of who pays for the reception
2007-10-16 13:28:53 · 15 answers · asked by shock3582000 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If her family is paying for it, unfortunatly you don't have much of a say. I'm sorry that they are not considering your opinion and are not being respectful of your special day, but keep focused on the end result. The whole point of this is to pledge your love and commitment to each other in front of loved ones, does it really matter what the invitations look like? Or how many flowers you have in the centerpieces or what the favors are?
I would take a stand with anything to do with your personal appearance, but let everything else go!
2007-10-16 13:36:57 · answer #1 · answered by Reba 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I am currently getting ready for my own wedding too. I too have similar problems. It seems like the parents usually try to make some decisions on their own regardless of what the bride and the groom want. We also wanted a small wedding too and now it's getting bigger and bigger because of my fiance's mom. The place we decided is not even the place we wanted. Bottom line is that this is your wedding. So yes, you and your finace should be making the decisions. However, you don't want to ruin this wonderful time in your life by arguing with the parents either. So my advice is to let the future in-laws take care of some stuff and let your parents take care of some other stuff. They are paying for part of the wedding, so i think they are entitled to make some of the decisions. If you and your fiance feel very strong about some things, have your fiance talk to her parents.
2007-10-16 16:40:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ooooo this smacks of familiarity . I am the mother of the bride. These decisions should belong to the bride and groom. If the parents have an opinion that is all it should be. We are haveing this difficulty with the grooms family. We are shareing the cost of this big Italian wedding but they want all the say. I keep reminding my daughter that this is about her and her future husband and not his parents. They even wanted thier name first on the invitations. She cries a lot and I comfort a lot. Stick to your guns. This can always be done with tact and class but this is your and your brides day not the parents. If both of you band together and speak your concerns they will have to listen. If nothing is said than that is the same as giving them permission to continue doing what it is they are doing. Good luck and let no one spoil your special day.
2007-10-16 13:50:16 · answer #3 · answered by Shelly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should absolutely be making all the decisions. Although the parents might be paying for it, the day is still yours. I would have a sit down with the parents and ask them if this wedding is for you or for them.
If they continue doing those things elope because it won't get any easier with the rest of the planning.
2007-10-16 15:07:01 · answer #4 · answered by The time has come 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Both the BRIDE and GROOM should be making the wedding decisions.
No matter who has the purse strings, you BOTH should be having the FINAL say in the planning.
Start saving up yourselves for your wedding day, and plan your day without letting the parents know how it is going.
Heck, I'd just go to the courthouse and get married.
2007-10-16 14:55:24 · answer #5 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The couple should be the ones making the decisions. But, if the families are paying, then they get a pretty big say as well.
Learn to negotiate, and to stand up for yourselves. If they won't back down, then refuse their money and plan your own wedding with your own money. Even if that means a tiny wedding, or eloping.
2007-10-16 15:58:09 · answer #6 · answered by BeatriceBatten 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First, you and your fiancee (AND NO ONE ELSE) should have sat down at the beginning and decided where, when, what, and who. And you should say (politely but firmly) when some other person wants to add or subtract from what you decided "We've already decide to do A, B and C....but thanks for your input." OR "Well, we'd be happy to do X, Y and Z but only if you are willing to pay for X, Y and Z since that wasn't part of the original decisions."
Frankly, if her father is "pushing" you "both around and not letting [you] make choices" then you are NOT mature enough to handle marriage.
2007-10-16 13:48:01 · answer #7 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When you say WE, is that you and your fiance or you and your family? It sounds like you and your family... I say to hell with it all and elope! **** them all off equally! :) Ok just kidding (kind of) but yes it is your and your fiances wedding and you should definitally have ALL the say... maybe her mom or dad is trying to plan THEIR perfect wedding because they didnt get to? Good luck, just remember a little bit longer and then THEY ARE FAMILY! Then the real fun begins haha!
2007-10-16 16:58:19 · answer #8 · answered by Mommy to 1+triplets 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All decisions should be up to the bride and the groom -- period. I don't care who is paying for what.
Getting married is one of the most special days of your life and it shouldn't be so frustrating. It's no wonder that my hubby and I ended up just going to the Justice of the Peace. Still happily married after 25 years!
2007-10-16 13:37:17 · answer #9 · answered by Vera C 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If they make decisions like this already, and you two have no real say, what will they try to do after you are married?
This has more to it than one thing. You two are making a life for your selves and this is just th beginning of it.
2007-10-16 15:59:22 · answer #10 · answered by Larry M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋