Does he really have the right to be so upset? Would you be upset?

Question

I borrowed $1500 from a man for a house payment. He cared a lot about me. I didn't pay him back for 6 months before he decided to just make it a gift. I didn't really accept the gift, I said i'd pay him but I have not paid him. Times are/were tough. He kept saying take your time.

Anyways three months before he let me borrow $1500, I let someone have $400 for a trip from FL to NYC. I also let this someone have $50 for a video game AFTER I borrowed the $1500. Well.... I felt bad for him. He has had a drug problem in the past.

The man that borrowed $1500 found out about this and got very upset and called me a user and said I took advantage of him. It all started when I said I wanted to buy a WII in front of him. I wasn't going to buy it, I just wanted to jeeze!

Now he thinks I am a user and I don't take insults well so it spiraled out of control. Hes judging me and using his own fears against me. I hate him now and resent him.

I just don't understand... he shouldn't be so mad if hes a real friend. He is like one of those people who expect things back.

Answer 1

Most people who answered this question can't even be bothered to read; you let someone have those $400 *before* you borrowed the $1500, not after. Nor did you buy the WII; as far as I understand, the only thing you did *after* you borrowed the money and might've paid him back was give your friend the $50, not a huge amount. Did the guy who gave you the $1500 ever ask why you were broke, and did you lie to him in what you told him? If the how and why of your financial situation never came up, then I don't think those $400 should even be an issue at all. And talking about wishes may not be the most tactical thing to do in front of someone who gave you such a lot of money for rent, but neither is it such a horrible thing as some people make it out, from most of the answers you'd think you let your friend have the $400 during the time you were supposed to pay the guy back and you did buy the WII...

I think it generally isn't a good idea to borrow money from friends or to give large amounts of money (hundreds) away to others... I think rather than intentionally using this guy, you allow your second friend to use *you*. $400 when you're short of money yourself is a lot... don't give people that kind of money no matter if they have had a drug problem or not. The $50 isn't quite such a big deal I don't think, and it's the only thing you've done *after* you'd borrowed the $1500... I think even those short on money are allowed some leeway for expenses and gifts well under the $100, although it also depends a bit on how often this happens. It does add up, and if you go around giving $50 gifts to many people, or buying lots and lots of things for yourself while you haven't paid your friend back, then I could see he's upset. But if the $50 is the only money you've spent on gifts in those six months (the rest being either before the loan and/or expressed as a wish you haven't carried through) then I think he was overreacting.

Answer 2

The man you borrowed the money from felt good abot keeping you off the street by paying for your house payment. However, he DIDN'T feel good about you turning around and playing Lady Bountiful with the money he gave you ($50) so someone could buy a video game.

Look at it from his perspective: He felt like he had helped you out of a big problem -- where else would you have come up with $1,500 for a house payment? But, instead of using all the money for the house payment, you started giving the money away to others. You were being charitable, yes, but it's wasn't with YOUR money, it was with HIS money.

The $400 -- well, he doesn't have the right to get angry about that, except as an example that you don't seem to be able to manage money very well. I mean, you don't loan that kind of money to people for things like trips when you, yourself, don't have the savings to subsequently pay your own bills.

My husband gets upset, too, when I see something and express the wish to have it, even though I know we can't afford it. He feels like it's a criticism of him for not being able to buy it. I don't mean it that way at all , but men get touchy about money, so I've learned to try not to do that in front of him, out of consideration and love.

You hate him because he told you the truth -- you ARE a bit of a user. Truth hurts, sometimes. You didn't make any attempt to pay him back for six months? Not even $50 a month? (I mean, you had it to give to druggies who wanted to play video games . . .) It's not a question of you being a "user" -- HE feels like he's been used!

Time for you to get off your high horse, apologize sincerely to your friend, and start to repay him. And don't ever borrow money from friends, again, if you want to keep your friends. One last thing: Do you REALLY think that friends don't have the right to be angry when their so-called friends take advantage of them?

Answer 3

He is judging you, but get this, it's on your own actions. Hate or resent him all you want but realize that he went above and beyond the call of duty by letting you borrow that money, let alone giving it to you as a "gift". He's upset because you borrowed money from him, did not pay him back, and proceeded INSTEAD of paying him back something GAVE some money to another person. If you don't get why he was upset you are a user. Next time you hit hell or high water, that friend isn't going to be there to bail you out, and you know what, you deserve it.

Answer 4

Of course he has the right to be mad. He loaned you a specific amount, most likely under the impression that you had specific needs that needed to be covered. I'm sure he never intended to finance the "needs" of your friends, although I hardly think a trip to Florida and a video game qualify as needs. You did use him so that you could lavish extravagances upon your friends. Hopefully you learned from this mistake and can patch things up with this man. If giving gifts and money to your friends is important to you, get a job where you are in a position to give away your own money - not other people's.

Answer 5

He has EVERY RIGHT to be upset!

You let someone borrow $400 when you OWED this guy over three times that amount! You should have given your "friend" the $400 towards the $1500 debt!

You are definitely not a "friend". A true friend would PAY HIM BACK before letting someone borrow $400!!

If I were him I would be PISSED as well. I'd even be tempted to take you to court!

Answer 6

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Answer 7

Marie,
this is why it always so tough to borrow money and lend money. People end up unintentionally doing something that gets interpreted in an unfavorable light. His feelings are hurt more than his pocket book I am sure. To give yourself that "complete" feeling of accomplishment and to ensure that there are no loose ends - I would suggest begin to paying him back (with a check or money order) even if it is merely $50.00 a month. Keep tally and thank him at the last payment. Mail it to him if you have to - else you are stuck with the crappiness of it all inside.

Best of luck!

Gerry :)

Answer 8

the trip was before the loan so not even important. now buying a game when you need to pay a house payment seem like the wrong thing to do. i dont think this was using your friend but what i do think is it shows bad judgment to buy games instead of paying your house payment. i would be annoyed someone did that to me but not enought to be pissed. these people on here have you buying crack for a crack -addict. when in fact all you did was help your friend out too. if you pay him back what you did with the money should no longer be an issue. if he gave you the money it was no longer his right to tell you how to spend it. although. if you cant pay it back then you shouldn't be loaning money out either.

Answer 9

You did use this man. Just because you're ignorant to that fact doesn't mean it didn't happen. If you are giving money to people with drug habits to take trips, instead of paying back the person who was kind enough to help you out, then you deserve to be insulted. It's an insult to him that you were selfish. Even if you didn't intend to buy a Wii, your actions of giving someone else money didn't speak to the fact that you would be respectful and EVER pay him back. Not very responsible of you.

Answer 10

If anything, just learn from this experience NEVER borrow money from someone you know on a personal level. If you ever do, make it a TOP priority to pay them back, even if it's a little at a time. He probably said consider it a gift because he realized you weren't going to pay it back.