my 13 year old was a loner, bit of a nerd, always getting bullied, until he hit high school, now he is hanging around the wrong crowd, sneaking out at night, smoking, getting in trouble with law, lying, wagging school. He is still a great kid on his own, but around his new friends hes a horror! I don't believe in violence, so I have never smacked him in his life, instead as punishment, I usually take things off him, ground him, or send him to his dads for the weekend which he hates as his dad is so strict. but all of that is no longer working. We sit and compromise a lot, I try to be fair by remembering the things I did as a teenager. He admits he is a follower and will be so he doesnt get picked on any more, so he is COOL....... Im scared he will end up a no hoper. He was a gifted child, but now doesnt even care about not getting good marks at school cos " only nerds do that ". I dont yell and scream, I have been told I am too soft, advice from other teenage boys would be good.
2007-10-16 11:08:48 · 8 answers · asked by aussiechick 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
he can't live with his dad as he is a long distance truck driver and not home much
2007-10-16 11:19:38 · update #1
free-ang...I dont believe in violence in any form
best advice.....we have had heart to hearts. I have told him he will gain more respect by saying "no" to peer pressure
2007-10-16 11:30:33 · update #2
jane, i did sell my home and moved away from the area, but he still gos to the same school. Today I applied for him to change schools, I am prepared for the outburst when I tell him this afternoon after school, but I feel empowered to be strong and stand firm from all these answers...thanks all, keep them coming !
2007-10-16 17:01:44 · update #3
You need to give him a wake up call. You aren't getting anywhere by just letting him "be cool." You need to ground him from everything..you need to yell..you can't just pretend that everything will be fine and work out. Obviously your talks aren't helping or defusing the situation. You need to get a firm hand and not compromise on rule and/or consequences. If that doesn't work, then show him where he could wind up.
2007-10-16 14:49:54 · answer #1 · answered by Becky 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should seriously consider moving away from the area where he has made the wrong friends. Get him involved in a church youth group, or in some type of social situation where the kids are likely to be a better influence on him.
Thirteen is such a pivotal time in a person's life--he needs to change directions fast!
I hope it works out well for you and him!
2007-10-16 11:58:28 · answer #2 · answered by Jane 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has very bad self-esteem. Instead of being strong enough to just be who he is, he feels he needs to change himself in order to be liked. He knows what he's doing is wrong but he feels that if he stops, the bullying and teasing will start again. I would sit down and have a big heart to heart with him about being true to himself and that his friends aren't even his "friends" if they don't like him for who he really is. You shouldn't have to act dumb in order to be liked. Then, I would ask around and see if you can find a man who is very intellectual, nerdy, but very successful to speak with your son. Hearing words of wisdom from someone who experienced some of the same things will make him feel better. Right now, he's giving up his future for the sake of "being cool" to these guys that he probably won't even speak to in a couple of years!!! :)
2007-10-16 11:20:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to be more rough with him. Next time he sneaks out, lock him out of the house. Next time you catch him smoking, make him do some tedious chore that he hates. Make his life hell. Go through his room, make sure he isnt stashing drugs, weapons, etc. You may want to see if there is a local boot camp for troubled youths in your area. You honestly do need to be more rough with him.
2007-10-16 11:19:04 · answer #4 · answered by lpogue2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very afraid your son is in drugs . But he is only 13 so you have some power over him Can you afford to send him in a college Maybe you can save him
2007-10-16 11:37:04 · answer #5 · answered by lala 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I also have a 14 three hundred and sixty 5 days previous step-daughter and her father is comfortable on her a great number of the time, so i will comprehend the place you're coming from in that understand. at first, in case you could't get her father on your team, there is not any prefer in even attempting to discipline the daughter. in case your husband sticks up for her whilst she is obviously interior the incorrect, you have have been given a stressful row to hoe, chum. you will could paintings on him, no longer her. 2nd, this is slightly, yet that doesn't propose she could be allowed to disrupt family contributors events and such. this is uncomplicated for young little ones to circulate against their mothers and dads and on your case, being a step-verify, you could desire to be getting the greater forceful blow. this is much less complicated for the daughter to lash out at you because she won't have the deep-seated thoughts she has for her mom and pa. There lower back, it does not supply her the ideal to be disruptive. i think of you could nicely be on course related to her ability to precise herself. according to danger you could desire to take a seat down together with her and hash issues out. tell her that she make it easier to be attentive to strategies she feels and that she does not could such as you, yet she does could follow your regulations. tell her you be attentive to if could be complicated having you residing with them and having to "start up" a sparkling family contributors, yet you prefer to attempt to make issues paintings for anyone in touch. tell her you prefer her to be waiting to talk to you approximately something and that, now and lower back, a step-mom could be basically the guy to talk to because you have a bond greater like a chum than like a verify. this is advisable to share a number of your reports as a youngster. tell her a number of the matters you had inclusive of your mothers and dads. See in case you will detect some uncomplicated floor together with her. Now, your husband could rather step in whilst she behaves inappropriately and he could get his ex below administration. If he's not prepared to return on your protection whilst his daughter is interior the incorrect, i'm not sure what i could do. in case your husband is on her area, this is advisable to forfeit.
2016-10-09 09:02:26 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's time for you to beat his ass. At this rate he'll end up in prison and worse things will happen to him compared to you giving him an ass kicking.
2007-10-16 11:15:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
send him to his dads house
2007-10-16 11:13:18 · answer #8 · answered by pink_kisses 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋