Is this grammatically correct?

Question

"Upon returning from Iran in August 2004, I have surrounded myself with as much Persian culture as possible; such as listening to Persian music, decorating my room with souvenirs from Iran, and currently trying to teach myself how to read and write Farsi with the occasional help of my grandmother".

It's for an essay. Some people are telling me it's correct and others are saying it's not. Help please?

Thanks :)

Answer 1

If I were you, I'd substitute " souvenirs from Iran, and currently trying to teach myself" with "souvenirs from Iran. I have also been trying to teach myself" or "souvenirs from Iran, and attempting to teach myself", because you wouldn't say: "as much Persian culture as possible; such as currently trying to teach myself". That just sounds wrong.

Answer 2

It should be something like this:

"Since returning from Iran in August 2004, I have surrounded myself with as much Persian culture as possible. I listen to Persian music, decorate my room with souvenirs from Iran, and I am currently trying to teach myself how to read and write Farsi with the occasional help of my grandmother".

Answer 3

I would change some punctuation and change 'Upon' to 'Since';-

"Since returning from Iran, in August 2004, I have surrounded myself with as much Persian culture as possible, such as listening to Persian music, decorating my room with souvenirs from Iran, and, currently, trying to teach myself how to read and write Farsi, with the occasional help of my grandmother".

This is rather a long sentence, though, so how about this;-

"Since returning from Iran, in August 2004, I have surrounded myself with as much Persian culture as possible. I have been listening to Persian music, decorated my room with souvenirs from Iran and am, currently, trying to teach myself how to read and write Farsi, with occasional help from my grandmother".

Answer 4

This is a good paragraph but there is an error. Instead of a semi-colon after possible you need a colon and word it like this:
"possible: listening to Persian music, decorating my room with souvenirs from Iran, and currently trying to teach myself how to read and write Farsi with the occassional help of my grandmother".

Answer 5

The first word should probably be "Since", not "Upon". Use "upon" when you are about to describe an event that happened once, such as "upon returning...I ate a Twinkie." Use "since" when you are about to describe something that is ongoing, which is what you have here.

Also, "and currently trying to teach myself..." sounds a bit jumbled. I'd just say "and teaching myself..."

Just some thoughts, I'm no expert though.

Answer 6

It is somewhat correct... if that makes sense. I would probably place a peroid after possible, and say For example, I listen to persian music....

Also I would put and I am currently trying to... instead of just and. However, your way is probably not that far off, it just sounds a little long... hope that is some help.

Answer 7

Either change "Upon" to "Since"
OR
Change the verb tense following from "I have surrounded" to "I surrounded" (or even "I began to surround").

The first option will probably work better for your essay, I think.

Answer 8

Substitute the word "Since" for the word "Upon" at the beginning of the quote. I think that is more what you mean to say.

Answer 9

Take out that semicolon after "possible," use a comma.
Always put your punctuation inside the quotes: "grandmother."
Change "and currently trying...." to a new sentence of its own, like "I am also currently trying..."

Answer 10

combine i have to i've
and if u think its nescesary change upon to since