A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceed to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp it.
2. There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 Disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6. We do not refer to Jesus as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10. We do not refer to the Cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat Me".
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as, "Mary with the Cherry".
13. The reccommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub. Yeah God!"
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
2007-10-16 07:42:47 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
I don't drink but I thought it was hilarious. lol
2007-10-16 08:56:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
a number of those I hadn't heard in the previous. There are a pair that are diverse: #6. Jesus Christ and His disciples are no longer spoke of as Ol' JC and the lads. #7. the father, Son and Holy Ghost are no longer spoke of as vast Daddy, Little Daddy and each and all of the Spooks. and there is not any certainty to the rumor that on the final Supper, Jesus advised his disciples, "ok, all of us who needs interior the image get in this area of the table." Have a super day and a famous individual. Later. .
2016-10-07 01:10:59 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hilarious
2007-10-16 09:49:54 · answer #3 · answered by Sparky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
pmsl heard it before the daddy junior and spook bit and the late J.C always gets me thanx
2007-10-16 13:57:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
brilliant 10/10.
2007-10-16 07:53:19 · answer #5 · answered by xyz 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i tried not to laugh, but some of those were funny. #12 especially!
2007-10-16 07:50:17 · answer #6 · answered by sarah 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Very good and very funny lol
2007-10-16 10:47:04 · answer #7 · answered by henridog 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Funny..have a star:)
2007-10-16 07:49:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
LoL. That's funny.
2007-10-16 07:46:43 · answer #9 · answered by Sweet Cheeks 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that actually made me laugh out loud
2007-10-16 07:47:59 · answer #10 · answered by loving life!!!!! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋