Is this abuse?

Question

I am a cocky little brat, and i know that. I get crabby and i like to stay away from my parents as much as possible. I'm 15 so i'm pretty sure that's normal. Well my dad and i fight often usually i say things like i hate u and stupid stuff like that. Normal, i'm sure since my friends do too. But he gets more angry then me and says worse things like he hates me too and that he can't believe i'm his child, blahblahblah. he smokes pot all the time (hard to respect a guy like that) and sometimes when i'm calm and he's not he'll hit me. I stand up for myself usually but then he'll push me down and kick me sometimes. I've been choked, slapped, had my hair ripped out etc. I dont know if that's considered abuse becuz i antagonize him some of the time? But i never hit him back i just stand back up, sometimes i'll run but most of the times i'll stand back up, unless if he hits me (in the face), i'll cry. So ya is this abuse? Or just discipline?

Answer 1

Well, it is abuse, but you *are* being an a..h o l e, but that doesn't cancel it out. Try to stop being *SO* 15, & grow up more than he has. If you report him, he may go to jail, if you really want him gone totally, then go ahead. Just think about all the ramifications of your actions. Try to run more, don't stand up to him. that seems to be where you get in the most trouble.

Answer 2

Abuse is abuse. No parent should ever choke or rip out a child's hair, no matter how undisciplined the child is.


Discipline is when a parent teaches a child that he or she is wrong if the child has done something wrong.

Your father, being high on pot all the time, shows a lack of judgement and cannot be disciplining you, especially if you haven't done anything.

These attacks are unprovoked and as such are considered to be abuse.


I know, I've lived this before, minus the pot smoking father.

If I were you, I would confide in an adult you can trust and get some help. The longer you stay in this detrimental environment, the more chance you stand of having your father kill you in his rage.

Answer 3

It sounds like you are not normal, but a bit more rebellious than normal.Since you seek out like minded kids as friends, it may seem normal to you.

What you describe is considered abuse, but you definitely play down your involvement in instigating the problems. I am guessing that after such episodes you then use it as an excuse to run away from home and get sympathy from your friends parents so they will hide you from your parents and allow you to do drugs, steal, and generally run wild.

While you father should exercise restraint, so should you. How many times have you stolen from you parents, how many times have you done selfish thinkgs that they had to pay for.

You and your father should both grow up.
For you, the cocky bratiness is expected from a 4 year-old. A 15 year-old is almost an adult in the physical sense, so act like a responsible teen and not a 4 year old.

For you father, he should control his anger, but he should also learn that you do not have full rights under the law. He has control over what you are allowed to have or do in his household. Under the law, all he has to provide you with are basic needs. (A little food, A roof over your head and the cheapest of clothes) And in you break the law, it is his duty to have you arrested, but not to assault you.

Answer 4

You bet it's abuse! I went through the same kind of stuff when I was 15, but my parents didn't do anything like that! Please, for your sake, talk to someone you trust, and don't wait. That someone could be a favourite teacher or another adult. You need to act at once, for your safety. Please call the Kids Help Phone or the police because the man has serious mental and emotional problems.

Discipline is when you get grounded (Boy, did I ever hate that!) or have my priviledges taken away from me. Choking, slapping, and having your hair ripped out is abuse.

Answer 5

Dude that is definately abuse i'm a mother and i do get pissed at my kids alot but would never raise a hand to them and your father should not either no matter how much you piss him off. He needs help and you are the only one that could tell someone like your school counselor about this so you can get help for both of you or else you are going to be going through this for the next three years of your life i hope you make the right decision and don't ever think that you are the only reason or that you made him hit you because that would never be true.

Answer 6

Youre dad probably doesnt know how to deal with you anymore. I totally understand. When I was your age I was so crazy but my parents never abused me. My dad hit me a few times but mostly they would just send me away. Dont listen to the stupid ppl that say it is not abuse. No matter how horrible you are your dad should not be pulling your hair out and choking you. I could never do something like that to my child. Dont get me wrong I will spank his little ***, but never would I do something like that. Get some effin therapy or call the law. Whatever you decide to do you and your father both need a reality check.

Answer 7

Sounds like abuse....or maybe not..If you are being disrespectful and he slaps you because of it (once)...that's a shame but not per say abuse..BUT if he is kicking you when you are down (after he has pushed you) that does sound like abuse.
Sounds like you should go to your school and speak with someone there to help you, especially if he is doing drugs. Be warned if you are embellishing any of this (to make yourself look better) you will be doing more harm to yourself then good.
Most teenagers are extremely disrespectful and see what they are doing is always right and the parents are always wrong... You dont have to like your parents but you should have more respect for yourself then to be disrespectful...do what you orginally said and just stay away...being mouthy because you can will get you no where and I think you are seeing the ramifications of that now.... again if you are telling the truth..then seek help with your school...if you are fibbing a bit ...then grow up a little and learn respect.

Answer 8

Yes, I would consider this to be abusive on the part of your father. He is the adult and should act better than that. However, if you are asking whether this is considered abuse in the legal sense, then it probably depends on the state you live in and how abuse is defined in the statutes or state laws. The states that I have lived in (Wisconsin, New York, Massachusetts) would define that as abuse only if you have suffered "severe" or "frequent" bruises or injuries as a result of your father. Getting your hair ripped out might qualify. The government generally has very low standards regarding what is legally defined as abuse. In any case, you should speak with someone at school or another family member that you trust about this, and report this to child protective services. You probably will need some serious family therapy to resolve this dynamic.

Answer 9

Hey there.
You behavior is definitely one of a teenager, and most parents would have to deal with it and realize that's what a teenager does. Your dad should realize he's not going to be talked nicely to by you, one because he's a drug abuser and talks badly to you, and two because you're a teenager. So, yes, this IS abuse. He has NO right to hit you, slap you, choke you, etc. But I guess because he has a way of harshly putting you down, maybe you should refrain from provoking him. Of course when you say that he gets mad and hits you when you're calm, that's abuse, definitely!

Try sleeping over at friends and safe places (church, school maybe) as often as you can! Good luck and try HARD to get approval to move out!

Wish you the best of luck! ♥>YOU!

♥ Peace

Answer 10

Abuse is defined as a willful act to intentionally hurt the other person. So yes it is abuse. You also have grounds bc he does drugs in front of you. Contact a trusted adult and have them help you with what to do next. It doesnt matter if you are the worst child in the world-spanking/a slap across the face is discipline-not kicking and hair pulling.

Answer 11

I would say abuse , now if my kids got up in my face like that , when I am the one who puts a roof over their head , food in the belly , and buys all of their needes , and most of their wants , I would knock them down as well ....I do not agree with your dad's drug use at all , but it is your job to show respect to your parents , if for nothing else , keeping you up , and not throwing you away ...A kids job is to do as they are told , I have a 15 year old , and I am strict on him , when his friends call my house , they ask me if they may talk to him , they do not say , "let me speak to" he is 5'11 and 170 lbs , and I will still get a belt on him ,he is not allowed to call and say I am going to such and such's house , he asks for permission , ....I do believe in being strict on my kids , it is my job to raise and train them to make it in the world , I have provided them with everything , even when they finish school , their car , is paid for , they each have a home paid for waiting for them . It is my job to help them get off to great start ...

I would say you both are in the wrong , your dad is wrong for not setting a good example for you by staying drug free , he is wrong to say he hates you , and he is wrong for hitting out of Anger , however you are wrong for getting in his face , and telling him what you will ,and will not do , you have no respect for authority , it still does not justify him beating on you , he is the adult , and if he was any kind of a parent , you would not be acting the way you do , he should have whipped your butt as a child when you first acted up ...He is responsible for not having control of you in the first place , ...it does not justify your behavior because you are old enough to know how to act ... having said that , He should be reported to the police , as an abuser , and a drug user , my biggest worry is your safety and the second is your families abilty to survive financially with him locked up , It should be a charge for failure to properly raise a child too , but for some reason it is not against the law to fail a child , You need to stop antagonizing him , and do not start the fight , that way you will not be in the wrong , I am in no way putting you at fault , because as the parent he should be able to control his temper....Do not let him keep abusing you .....but you need to work on the brat issue .....