My sister-in-law is refusing to breastfeed?

Question

Hello,

My sister-in-law is probably the most distant addition to the family, which a very closely-nit quilt of Italians, Sicilians, and Romanians. She's the most Americanized of my step-siblings, by far, but we've all been very tolerant, accepting, and even supportive of her different opinions.

However, she and my brother are expecting their first child in January, and we recently heard that she is not interested in breastfeeding in the slightest. At first I couldn't believe it, but then I asked my mother about it and she said that it's true and she's terrified for her grandchildren (but refuses to intervene in child-rearing). My sister, though irritated, says that nothing is more important than the mother being happy. I, however, am deeply offended.

I think it's all a vanity thing for her, since she doesn't want to see permanent changes to her body. This outrages me because it's at the expense of the welfare of her children. I considered emailing my brother about the...

the benifits/ money saving perks of breastfeeding, but don't want to cause a fight over my future niece/ nephew (my brother, though cheap and would certainly like to save money, has a very short fuse).

What should I do, if anything?

Answer 1

I think the best thing for you to do would be to stay out of it.I mean you really have no say b/c it's really her decision whether she wants to do that or not.Breastfeeding isn't right for everyone.You can't force someone to agree with you especially when it comes to doing what they think is right for their child.I would say just let it go & join in on the celebration of your new niece/nephew.Besides you never know,by the time the new baby comes she might decide otherwise

Answer 2

First of all, It's definitely none of your business, thats for sure. Your brother and sister-in-law are their own family within your extended family and whatever their decision is, it's just that....THEIR DECISION! No one but them has a right in how they choose to feed their unborn child. You and your mother can be concerned but to actually expect them to change their decisions based on what you or anybody else thinks or feels is unacceptable.

Second, Your judgemental state in regards to your sister-in-law seems to have made up it's mind about anything she says and does long ago...I recall your statement: My sister-in-law is probably the most distant addition to the family" or "but we've all been very tolerant, accepting, and even supportive of her different opinions." It seems like you have a serious problem with her opinions to me... Why then make such statements? As if you have a choice... you have to accept her and her opinion. What, you'll disown her? Off with her head? She has that right...hello! We're not all carbon copies of "your close nit quilt of Italians, Sicilians, Romanians". And no one should be judged because they don't fit into that "ideal" you have. And using your own words once more: "I think it's all a vanity thing for her, since she doesn't want to see permanent changes to her body." I think isn't a fact. And If that is a reason for her decision than that's her business, you have no idea what we goes through as women while pregnant and If anything you should all be supportive of her and her decisions. Hormonally and physically you're constantly changing, there's ups and downs. And in saying that maybe by the end of her pregnancy term she may have a change of heart. But your attitude isn't even deserving of such a thing, If that ever were to happen...If.

Third, Breastfeeding has been scientifically proven to have major benefits for both mother and child, but those that have chosen another path have also benefited from having a healthy child and If anything gives the mother and father a chance to bond with the baby taking turns feeding him/her. I seem to think (and in thinking this isn't a fact, only you know) that your problem is more with your sister-in-law than with her decision to not breastfeed.

I hope you really examine yourself and try to come to a place where you can put whatever issues you have and be supportive and sensitive to what she's going through. And remember however "close knit" your family is and how"distant" your sister-in-law may be. It is your duty as family to welcome her with open arms and make her a part of that "knit" no matter what it takes. Just make sure it's a judgement free zone. Maybe that's why she has been distant because you haven't made her feel like she can be who she is....

Answer 3

Well first of all it is her body. She'll do whatever she's comfortable with. Plenty of babies are formula fed and there's nothing wrong with that. Yes I'm a firm believer in the fact that babies were born to be breastfed. I myself am expecting a baby in March. I'm 18 weeks along now and my thoughts on breastfeeding keep changing all the time. I want to breastfeed and I keep trying to talk myself into it, but I'm not at all comfortable with the idea. Then a friend if mine who will be having her baby any day now suggested that I just pump cuz that's what she might do. I'm just gonna wait and give it a try and see how it goes when the time comes.

You shouldn't be offended cuz she doesn't want to breastfeed. It's good that your mother doesn't want to intervene cuz it really isn't anyones business. But there's no harm in making suggestions to her about it. Tell her maybe she should give it a try cuz it is the best thing for the baby. She can always change her mind about it at anytime.

Breastfeeding doesn't cause any changes to your body at all. Okay so you may have sore nipples at first but thats all. If anything breastfeeding will help her get rid of all that baby weight even faster so it can't be about vanity.

Answer 4

I think maybe you could consider the effect on your inability to mind your own business could have on your relationship with your brother. That is his wife, and his child...and you really have no right to tell her what to do with her child, or her breasts. You all are terrified for the baby? You should then speak to a pediatrician about the benefits of breastfeeding. They are great, but none of them are so integral to an infant's development that it should be forced on a woman. In fact, if she is not totally comfortable with the thought, it could be a traumatic experience for her and the baby. I wouldn't say it would be a vanity thing...breastfeeding helps you lose the baby weight. Maybe it is a preference. She is an adult, and now soon will be a parent, and that really isn't something that is anyone else's business... I would suggest to you to look on some of the formula websites and see all of the options, and how most of them are formulated so closely to breast milk that this baby will be OK. I promise.

Answer 5

Nothing, she isn't your spouse so you can't argue about it. If it was about vanity she wouldn't have gotten pregnant and would stick that baby on as soon as she can in order to help lose weight. If you are intensely concerned perhaps you could talk to your sister-in-law instead of trying to circumvent her and whine to your brother about how wrong it is.

Tell her you heard through the rumor mill that she wasn't going to breastfeed, ask if that also meant she wouldn't pump and feed it to the baby via bottle. Yes breastfeeding has it's advantages but not breastfeeding will not kill the child.

You may not want to start a fight, but you are certainly headed towards one with the way you are acting.

Answer 6

You're a guy right? I would say until you personally go thru the 30-40-50 hours of labor pain THEN maybe you can say something about this. Until then, BUTT OUT!!!! Who the hell are you to be dictating what this woman should do with her child and her body?? If anything she should be the offended one for the things you are saying about her and marrying into such a nosy family! You're Mom and sister aren't saying anything YET, but oooohhh they will. Having one nosy family member means there are hundreds more after him.

And good for her for being more "Americanized", she's learned that she has a mind of her own and she is free to make her own choices for her life. Maybe one day when you cut off the threads from your Momma's skirt, she can teach you a thing or two!

Answer 7

Well, you know, I like to see the cup half full... and while you should be given a good pat on the back for accepting this woman and her view on all things life, you need to realize that this is your brothers wife. If your brother is important to you (and with the way you explained your family ties, I know you would never give him up) then you need to let him and his new wife make this decision on their own. Many woman bottle feed their children... and you did not say if she was willing to pump so that the baby can have her milk or not. Either way, you can push your brother away by telling him how to raise his child, or you can accept that they are adults and humans and deserve the right to make a decision like this on their own. There would not be formula on the market like it is... if this was not healthy for the child. You can express that you disagree with them kindly... but beyond that, you will be putting a wedge between you and your brother by getting involved. To keep your family whole, you need to trust in your brother and his instincts... remember he has the same blood running through his body as you do. Good luck hun.

Answer 8

You should do nothing. It is none of your business. I breastfed two children, and I personally think that every woman should breastfeed their child at least for a couple of weeks. However, some woman do not want to breastfeed, and it is their decision to make and there is nothing that you can do or say to change her mind. In fact if you persist, you will only turn her further away from the idea of breastfeeding. While breastmilk is superior nutrition for infants, formula is not poison. There are plenty of children who are never breastfed and they grow up to be perfectly healthy adults. There is no reason for anyone to be terrified for the children because your sister-on-law doesn't want to breastfeed. It is ok to be disappointed, but frankly you should just keep your opinion to yourself unless you want to totally alienate her and your brother from the family.

Answer 9

To be totally honest you have no say in the matter. That is a personal decision that only she can make. It's her body.

Also, I don't think that she would be not breast feeding because of what it would do to her body, if anything breast feeding helps a mom slim down after pregnancy so that is not why she is refusing.

Babies who are not breast fed may not have the same extra immunities as breastfed babies do but they do just fine! You should give her a little credit and allow her to make up her own mind on this matter trusting that as a mother she will know what is best for her children.

Answer 10

Have you ever tried breast feeding!? When I breastfed, my baby would take his sweet time. I was constantly feeding and never got out, never saw any sun because the blinds were always shut, never had time to do anything like clean the house, exercise, or go out with friends. Some women even get sore and bloody nipples. No wonder so many women suffer from post partum depression. I felt so miserable and depressed and thought I was suffering from postpartum, but stopped breastfeeding, switched to bottle and forumla, got out, got some exercise and feel great.
The only downside is people like you who make women feel like bad mothers because they don't breast feed. Give her a break. Breastfeeding is just not for some people.