I have been trying to walk away from a seriously abusive mother for many years. I don't want to get into it, or sound insensitive, but how do I just walk away? I know it is going to hurt...but I need to keep myself safe.
2007-10-16 04:06:22 · 9 answers · asked by Little Miss Jake 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I've been in a couple of situations where I wanted to distance myself from my family...it's tough. If you have an abusive mother, do what will make you happy. You can try therapy, but I personally don't believe therapy works for everyone. It will not be easy though.
My mother was slightly abusive, and my father was insensitive and detached... meanwhile they were always divorced (as long as I could remember) and I had no one to fall back on. I only distnaced myself from my father, and moved out (VERY far away) from my mother... but kept in touch with my mother. My father is now out of my life,a nd it's strange, especially when people ask.
What my point is, moving away helps, because you don't have to see or be around the person, but you can keep in touch and not completely cut ties. It all depends on what you feel is best for your happiness.
Unfortunately we can't choose our parents, and they are who they are... sadly, they're often imperfect and sometimes can hurt us more than they even realize. I say, take care of yourself, and if you have children/plan to have children, don't repeat what your parent(s) did to you. It's your chance to make things better!
2007-10-16 04:15:16 · answer #1 · answered by Love to Answer 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are old enough to move on (e.g., 18), then you don't need permission. But if a Yahoo! group is all you have to confide in, there may be a bigger issue. Is there an adult you trust? A favorite teacher or aunt/uncle? You sound like someone who feels that they have very few options.
Kids do grow. And they move out and on. Some are estranged, some boomerang. There are all kinds of family relationships. But you should talk to someone. Maybe some local social services. Ask a cop: they carry little cards with contact information for local resources.
Good Luck.
2007-10-16 11:19:44 · answer #2 · answered by DeeDee Cortez 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Both my brothers and mom abused me during my childhood. I moved out at 17. My middle brother and I got over the childhood thing and got pretty close up until two years ago when I confronted him about doing some serious drugs and he put his hands around my throat because he didn't want someone to point out this problem to him. I disowned him that moment.
I'm telling you this because the way I walked away from an immediate family member was this: I thought about the abuse, thought about the second chance that I had given him and I realized that once an abuser, always an abuser and I couldn't change him.
YOU don't need to be the carousel that accepts everyone's else's baggage. Jump off with your own suitcase and accept the fact that you are a survivor who needs to keep herself safe and to do this - get away from your mom. Yes, it's going to hurt and, yes, you will miss her cause she's your mom but honey, you will be able to cope so much easier without a whole ton of hurtin' that someone else has inflicted on you.
Be strong, realize that you are doing the best thing for yourself and don't feel guilty or bad. You deserve to live without pain from family members.
I miss my brother because he wasn't all bad but the one thing that I promised myself when I was 17 was that no one would their hands on me again. If they did, they were dead to me.
It's not going to be easy but cheers to you, Girl - prayers are with you ....
2007-10-16 14:00:19 · answer #3 · answered by niska94 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
About four-five months ago I told my father that I wanted nothing more to do with him and to never call me again (he's an emotionally abusive alcoholic) I haven't talked to him since then... (FYI: I'm 28) It was surprisingly easy and I am glad I did it.... I'm actually sorry I waited so long to do it!! I always felt like I had to try and get along with him just cause he was my father... but now I know.. you don't have to take it!! it's my life!! and no one has the right to treat another human being like trash!! if your mother is abusive get away from her and cut the ties... in the end it will be for the best.there is no reason to keep negativity in your life!! good luck!!.. :)
2007-10-16 11:28:54 · answer #4 · answered by ☠Naz☠ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen,
It's very hard. When I was 20, my father beat the crap out of me and I had him arrested.....my mother didn't believe me because he hit me in the face and he never hit her in the face.
You need to move away. At least a state away. And never feel bad for learning how to love and respect yourself....find it in your heart to forgive her so that you don't get bitter.....and know this as well because you had a bad mother doesn't mean that you will be one.....You can decide that right now. Be blessed.
2007-10-16 11:12:21 · answer #5 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You just need to walk. Just go. Don't think about it. Don't worry about their feelings because yours are obviously shattered. No contact. Change phones. Move. Whatever you need to do to get away. You're not being healthy staying around and this would be best. You don't have to say goodbye either.
2007-10-16 11:12:27 · answer #6 · answered by scoobydoo316316 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Move away. Change your phone number and make it unlisted.
Find happiness somewhere else. Possibly in a new relationship with friends or a partner to share the holidays with. if you find the right friends or loved one, you can share their family.
2007-10-16 11:11:18 · answer #7 · answered by Evol 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
just go you have to save yourself and you are right you need to keep yourself safe. just use the support of friends they can be family too
2007-10-16 11:13:33 · answer #8 · answered by sassy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
just do it. have not spoken to father in over 20 years. best thing to do just walk away and cut off all contact.
2007-10-16 11:09:58 · answer #9 · answered by Aloha_Ann 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋