What's best to do in this situation?

Question

I've got a family meal coming up at my mother-in-laws house and I can't stand her. My sister-in-law will also be there and she's just a younger version of her bag of a mother so I've got to put up with them for about 6 hours. My husband just ignores all of the rude comments that are for my benefit from dragon and daughter of dragon so I can't rely on him for support. Do I just ignore them while they make remarks about my job, my appearance, the way my son is being brought up etc, or do I walk out?

Answer 1

Kill them with kindness. That always works, it's hard to be mean to people that are nice. If that doesn't work you should be a witch right back at them. If they don't like you then you certainly don't have to be on your best behavior. I'm sure if you get down right nasty back at them then your husband will see how big the problem is. You could tell your husband how you feel and if he doesn't listen then you can always refuse to go. You shouldn't have to do something you don't want to do anyway. Send your husband and you son and stay home and catch up on some "me" time. Get mad at your husband expecting you to put yourself through that. Cut him off for a while, men hate that. Maybe he'll talk to them if he knows you've had enough or them putting you down. Good luck, I've been there, and I won, I even got a dozen roses and a card right there in from of his family thanks to my efforts. He talked to his Mom and she shortly quit her stuff. The pictures if his crazy ex(from a loooong time ago) were taken off her refrigerator, and she no longer talks to her nor criticize me.

Answer 2

been their. Ignoring is one way to avoid the situation but it's better if you let them know their being a little rude. Try keeping your tone and voice in a friendly matter, you don't want to start an argument knowing how they are. But since they have so much interest in your lifestyle, let them know what you think in regarding the topic and speak up your point of views. Let them know your in control of your life, without being disrespectful, you don't have to be the same way as them. People tend to criticize when there insecure about them selfs. When they see that you stand up for yourself and letting them know any remarks you disagree they'll eventually back-off.
hope this helps and good luck :)

Answer 3

For 22 years I put up with the parents-in-law from hell. They hated me BEFORE they met me because I was older than their precious son and couldn't have children--even though he always told me that age is only a number and he did not want kids. After 22 years he divorced me to marry his pregnant girlfriend--and guess who lent him the money so that they could move into their love nest while I was out of town for the birth of my first and only grandchild? Good old father-in-law. To make a long story short, she lost their baby and now he is stuck in an unhappy situation. But I found my Significant Other, which would never have happened had my ex not cheated on me. So, at least in this case, all's well that ends well.

I'd stay home if I were you. Or, better yet, take your kid to a movie or the zoo or something and spend some quality time with him. You'll have a much better time!!!

Good luck.

Answer 4

Are you sure that they are picking on you and not just trying to have a laugh to bring you into the family more, some families are like that.

If you are sure then no don't put up with it, if you decide to go then talk to your partner about it before hand and tell him how you feel and what you want him to do in that situation but remember to pick your battle wisely.

Personally I would make a remark back and see how they like it you don't even have to make it a direct comment just look elsewhere when you make the comment then back at them if they don't get the message to back off then say it direct to their face. And honestly if your husband refuses to back you up then pick up and leave to show you are serious. If that doesn't make him at least sit up and take notice then tell him to take a long walk off a short pier.

Answer 5

It's not the first time this type of situation has happened, by all accounts. I don't see that you should let it continue. My advice would be to tell your husband how seriously you are hurt by the insults, and ask him to talk to these people before the visit or to check them if they come the acid when you're there.

If you refuse to go, they will doubtless bad-mouth you to your husband but it's a test for him whether he listens to them.

It may not sound a very attractive solution but couldn't you give as good as you get ? They're baiting you; and a few sharp replies might well shut them up. They gotten used to bullying you and taking advantage of your silence. You don't have to lose your temper, just answer them as sharp as a needle every time they put you down. This isn't being aggressive, just assertive.

You can't avoid these people totally, by the sound of it; and you can't make them like you. But you can check their behaviour.

These are just some ideas to think about.

Answer 6

Sounds like their's a lot of tension going on, and i know what you mean.....been their. Ignoring is one way to avoid the situation but it's better if you let them know their being a little rude. Try keeping your tone and voice in a friendly matter, you don't want to start an argument knowing how they are. But since they have so much interest in your lifestyle, let them know what you think in regarding the topic and speak up your point of views. Let them know your in control of your life, without being disrespectful, you don't have to be the same way as them. People tend to criticize when there insecure about them selfs. When they see that you stand up for yourself and letting them know any remarks you disagree they'll eventually back-off.
hope this helps and good luck :)
-
GC

Answer 7

Could you defend yourself in a quiet but authoritative way? They have no right to make any comment about any aspect of your life. But... if they have got most of it wrong, why not calmy correct them? Perhaps you're tried this a lot. I don't know. Walking out is over-dramatic and destructive. Better still, don't go at all. How is your husband with your mother/family? Do they get on? How does he manage?

Answer 8

You need tolerate them for your husbands sake. Hasn't anyone ever taught you that "Kindness Kills". The 6 hours will be overwith before you know it. You need to come up with some quick quirky comments when they say stuff about your job, appearance and the way you raise your son. Good luck and remember you love your husband and that is all that matters.

Answer 9

Warn your husband that if he doesn't speak up, you will. Then when something is said, get his attention (discretely) and give him a chance to handle it. If he doesn't, then you should wait for the next time it happens and point out how rude they are. Do it politely though - say something like, "What you just said was incredibly rude, but if you would like to discuss the real reason you treat me, your son's wife, with such blatant disrespect, I would be glad to do so after dinner."

Answer 10

Oh honey, I feel for you. I love the idea of just walking out. You don't have to put up with any kind of insult at all. You are doing your job the best you can. If your husband doesn't come to your aid when this verbal abuse is happening, then you have to also prove to him that you aren't going to put up with it anymore. Keep the car keys and when it gets out of hand, simply stand, gather your child, and tell the people that you are tired of being the butt of their cruelty. Pack it out and go home. Good luck to you