Would any English native speakers help me with this (part2)?

Question

"After the September 18th Incident in 1931, Yang Jingyu was sent to the northeast of China by the Party , and he worked as the president of Anti-Japanese Administration of the Northeast, the secretary of Harbin Party and the Army Committee of Manchu, the commissar of South Manchu guerrillas which belong to the thirthy-second Army of Chinese workers' and peasants' Red Army, the executive committee member of the Workers' and Peasants' Democratic Central Government, the commander-in-chief of the Anti-Japanese Amalgamated Army of South Manchu, the division and chief commander and the political commissar of the 1st independent Division of the first Army of Northeast National Revolutionary Army, the commander and commisssar of the first army of the Northeast Anti-Japanese United Army, the captain and commissar of the first Route Army, a member of CCP committee of Sourth Manchu. "

Are they correct in English? If they are not correct, how can I correct them? I cut my article to sevral parts cuz i want ppl reading them carefully, so this sutff is very important to me, please help me! Thanks for reading this!

Answer 1

This is a very long sentence. I would make this a list, rather than prose. Try to use the active voice rather than the passive, as it makes for easier reading ("Toad rowed his boat" rather than "The boat was rowed by Toad").
"After the September 18th Incident in 1931, the Party sent Yang Jingyu to the north-east of China. Here, he worked as:
- President of the Anti....
- Secretary of the Harbin....
etc."

Also, it's "thirty-second", not "thirthy-second".

Hope that helps!

Answer 2

After the September 18th Incident in 1931, Yang Jingyu was sent to the northeast of China by the Party , and he held the following positions; 1.the president of the Anti-Japanese Administration of the Northeast, 2.the secretary of Harbin Party and the Army Committee of Manchu, 3. the commissar of South Manchu guerrillas,(which belong to the thirty-second Army of Chinese workers' and peasants' Red Army),4. the executive committee member of the Workers' and Peasants' Democratic Central Government, 5. the commander-in-chief of the Anti-Japanese Amalgamated Army of South Manchu, 6. the division and chief commander and the political commissar of the 1st independent Division of the first Army of Northeast National Revolutionary Army, 7. the commander and commisssar of the first army of the Northeast Anti-Japanese United Army, 8. the captain and commissar of the first Route Army, and 9. a member of CCP committee of South Manchu.

Answer 3

After the September 18th Incident in 1931, Yang Jingyu was sent to the northeast of China by the Party. (which party?)
He ......
.....
Personally I would list with dates did he do all these things at once ?
List ealiest first etc.
begin the list with an explanation , for instance.
from 1931 until 19?? he held the following posts
1931 to 193? president of Anti-Japanese Administration of the northeast
193? t0 193? secretary of (the) Harbin Party
in this way the information is easily read and understood
hope this helps
there are many ways to write this
be well
al

Answer 4

While it appears to be technically correct, you have a rather large compound-complex sentence here. I'd strongly suggest that you break it up into several sentences. That would make it much easier to read.

Answer 5

like' bouncing' said, very long sentance else very correct check spelling one more time and submit,,,,,,,well done

Answer 6

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