how do i get my girlfriend to feel less self conscious about her body?

Question

We have been dating for about 5 months now, things are going really great, but she feels really self conscious about her body.

I am continuously telling her how great she looks, but its almost like she doesn’t believe me. We have no sex life at the moment because she doesn’t want to do anything more than kissing, which is really starting to annoy me.

This is not about me wanting sex, this is about me wanting to help her feel better about herself. Is it just a matter of me waiting for her to feel less self conscious about herself or is there anything I can do to help? I care about her so much and really want her to be happy with herself.

Answer 1

I felt the exact same way with my guy... I think a big part of what helped me to be so comfortable with him is being discreet and not being afraid to show your flaws as well. Telling a girl she's beautiful right after she's commented on how she isn't will just result in her not listening to you. Instead, try to throw in compliments when less expected. Being spontaneous will make her feel that what you are saying is true, and she will begin to accept your compliments as truth. Also, not being afraid to show your personal flaws helps. Don't be afraid to be embarrassed in front of her. Things that may seem pretty awkward between you two, approach them nonchalantly until eventually they do become insignificant. I'm not sure if you understood that laast point but, basically feeling self-conscious around a guy makes a girl feel like everything he says is a lie to just make her feel better. She feels like nothing you say is true, and won't accept your compliments. Even if it means exposing your flaws, do everything you can to give her confidence and make her feel like she's more beautiful than any other girl you've ever seen. When she gains the confidence, she'll start believing what you say and therefore open up.

Answer 2

I hate to say it, but maybe she doesn't believe you. She sees all the magazine women, and feels like she doesn't compare. And you don't really count, because you *have* to say she's beautiful.

It's hard to buck this trend, and you'll need to be patient, or find a girlfriend with fewer hang-ups.

What you do is tell her she looks wonderful, and keep telling her so. And remember, one wrong word can set you back weeks or even years.

You might also try showing her this post you made. You know her better than we do -- would she be mortified that you discussed this, or charmed that you care enough to ask others how to handle this tricky situation?

Also, you don't say how old she is. If she's over 25, you might think about looking elsewhere. If she's under 20, you definitely need to give her all the time she needs (or at least 6 years (-: depending on the math).

Good luck.

Answer 3

Compliment her!! Dont do it too often as it would come routine and she wouldnt feel as though you mean it. When you see her at school tell her how stunning she looks, no girl would turn a compliment like that down!! And at the end of the day, most teenage girls go through the stage of thinking they're fat. The boyfriends job is to make her feel loved and wanted for who she is; if you do this she will realise she doesnt need to change anything about her. I hope this helps and if you need any more advice contact me!! (: x

Answer 4

hmmm... i admire your intention.

my guess is that it's about shame, which runs pretty deep and can take time to heal...

in the meantime, don't turn it into a 'thing' or project - she's probably sensitive to your frustration and feels she's getting mixed messages, which might be why you sense she's not believing you. so compliment her only when you mean it, or would naturally feel moved to...

also - be patient. if you can cope, just hold her non-sexually for a while - be affectionate, but allow her to 'let' you into her space, which she has been protecting for a long time.

nice to see this.

Answer 5

you do not say what age you are, or what her prior sexual experience is...

She may be truly shy, and unsure of how you will think of her body when you really get a look at it...

She may not be ready to share her body with *you* in particular...

She may have moral or practical reasons for not sharing her body with anyone at this time in her life, and be more shy about telling you about that than she is showing you her body - Young people seem to be embarrassed by having ethical or moral standards, or even expressing common sense, if it displeases their peers, especially an attractive one of the opposite sex.

She may not be comfortable enough with her new female self to share it with anybody else - it takes time to even know how your new female body works for yourself, and until you do know that it is kind of pointless to share it. Showing it to someone is a sort of promise to share that exploration, and an honest girl will not advertise wat is just not available at this time... and only time (not pressure) changes that.

Answer 6

what exactly does she feel is wrong about her body?
if its a weight thing (which, lets face it, shes female, so it probably is!) then just tell her you love her curves and that skin and bones are not attractive.
maybe she's just covering because she doesn't feel ready to have sex yet, and she just can't tell you.
have a talk about it with her, and let her know you love her no matter what.
x

Answer 7

I would say compliment her, make her feel that confidence. Maybe she can get some clothes to show her figure. Or even suggest working out with her to get in shape. If you were to get her to workout, say your the one interested and then ask her she'd like to get gym pass as well and be your companion. Good luck.

Answer 8

That's hard for a women to feel good about her self.. I should know, I'm the same way... I used to weigh 230lb. But now I'm at 135lb, but i still feel the same way.... You just have to tell her it doesn't matter how she look and give her time,

Answer 9

i was self conscious about my body as well...and my ex boyfriend just held me and looked into my eyes and said "stop being so self conscious. look at you, you're beautiful." and he kissed my stomache all over.

it gave me butterflies.

Answer 10

Ask her to tell you what she doesn't like about herself. If she says something spin it in a positive light. I used to hate my hips because to me they were big but to my boyfriend they were comfy to hug. This made me feel better about them because he liked them and I began to see how he saw them. Now I love my hips! :) See? Like that. Worked in my case. Talk to her about your feelings too.