I've been dating this girl for almost 2 yrs. Her ex used to beat her and abuse her. She had to go to rehab to overcome her past and I have been through it with her the hole time. The ex recently started talking to her again. She tells me everytime he calls, but wont stop talking to him. Her excuse: they were engaged but they should still be friends.. I dont get it..why?
2007-10-15 21:08:22 · 6 answers · asked by Life is good 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
they shouldnt be friends at all he treated her badly. You are apart of her life now and your the one she should be worrying about not the ex. She probably wants to be friends with him because it is a way of getting over the past and healing her old wounds. Maybe she dosnt want to leave things on a bad note. You need to try and help her understand she needs to move on and no longer contact this person , if she cant get some outside help.
2007-10-15 21:12:42 · answer #1 · answered by ♥ MISS YELLOW DIAMOND★☺♀ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is good,
Keep that thought in mind! Truly, keeping a positive attitude about this and the rest of life is important to recover from challenges, and make progress towards tomorrow.
Staying friends with her ex-boyfriend may be more survival than preserving the connection for her. Abusers know how to pick people to have a relationship with. They are able to manipulate them. Until she has seen how well he can manipulate her, and observed how well other abusers can manipulate others, she may not understand, down deep inside herself, that she needs to avoid him. It may be unrecognized as yet that it is her fear that has her continuing to have conversations with him. Also, the worst person in the world has something good deep inside, even if no one has ever, or will ever see it. We women are usually taught to look for that in others. When she finds it, she will want to reveal it to him and others -also keeping her connected to him.
As people, we are usually taught that we should "try to get along" with others. Someone who frightens us pulls that ability out faster than we can see it for ourselves. It's important for her to continue her counseling so she can have the strength to avoid him. This is not love or romantic feelings.
A last thought on this: some people will always be around us, for reasons we don't always understand. Then we do need to learn to behave in a way that keeps the harmony. Public scenes will not help the distance between them, and will embarrass the two of you. The negativity of an abusive relationship is powerful, and it pollutes the atmosphere around all involved. Healing from that is important, and limiting it's ripples from continuing on in your lives requires work. You might even benefit from couples counseling to learn to support her, and helping her to heal. Best of luck to both of you.
2007-10-16 14:42:10 · answer #2 · answered by Jeanne B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know about you, but I see that as a swift kick to ur nutes. There is no reason she should talk to him ESPECIALLY given what he's done, but that is probably the reason she is talking to him. If she is going to play games like that and can't see how you have been with her the whole way to rebuild what he destroyed, and now she wants that destruction back in her life, then I'd tell her to make a choice of you or him. That's just unfair to you.
2007-10-16 04:18:48 · answer #3 · answered by santa klaus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my mom was abused by her ex husband and they only talk about financial things, he owes her money. Your girl should avoid the prick. Tell her that it cant be good for her recovery, maybe talk to a counselor about the situation.
2007-10-16 04:18:27 · answer #4 · answered by trish 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are many girls you need to let her go and see maybe there still feelings for him from her and believe it are not you need to let her find out now either way I'm so sorry to say this but it's not looking real good for you I'm so sorry. but sometimes people move so fast when there's a broken heart involved and i believe that's what she did. she said that he did lots of things to hurt her and he did..... but the one thing that he did that hurt ed her the most she 4got to tell you this part but he left her ask her to be honest
2007-10-16 04:21:47 · answer #5 · answered by tamaralinanderson 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women who typically are involved with abusive relationships tend to be attracted to it for psychological reasons.
It's best that she gets more help or you should think about moving on to a more stable girl.
2007-10-16 04:13:17 · answer #6 · answered by sharks_n_water 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋