My bf and I have been together almost 3 yrs. He keeps telling me that he's going to propose to me soon...He knows having a family and being married are #1 for me at this point. I have my career in order and we've dicussed marriage in the past....last night he told me that he basically agreed to propose soon to keep me from nagging about it....I simply ask...not nag about it. He said it won't be for another 2 years until we get married...I'm 23 and he's 36...I don't have an issue with his age...Only concerned about our ability to have kids....and besides...I want to start my family soon...How do I get him to realize that if he doesn't do something to commit further and make the next step in the relationship...that I'm going to leave him??? I don't want to...but I also don't want to miss out on a chance to be with someone who has the same goals in mind. I don't want to give him an ultimatum...someone told me to distance myself...but how?? and isn't that kind of mean???? HELP ME!!!!
2007-10-15 18:35:12 · 8 answers · asked by *~*hunnie*bunnie*~* 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just so you know, men dont become sterille. So even if you guys wait two years you'll only be 25 which is a good age to have children. And to answer your other question probably the only way to make him realize is to do it, and then possibly go back possibly not. Ask him what his goals are, and see how they match yours.
2007-10-15 18:40:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the prospect of marrying you is something he talks about as a reaction to your 'nagging' then perhaps he's not eager to marry you. In which case, yes, you probably should get out there, start dating, distance yourself from this relationship and hope to find someone suitable. Unfortunately, your guy has found a solution to your 'nagging' - all he has to do is put off any action for a couple of years.
That would be OK if you two were really and truly engaged. But you're not. Your instincts are right about his reluctance to commit. He doesn't seem to have family as a goal the way you do. You've been pretty honest about what you want. Now's the time for him to match your goals with his own - so what are they?
Staying together for another two years? That just sounds like he's 'buying time' when you don't think you have a lot of time.
Actually, you could wait another 4 or 5 years to have kids and YOU would be fine. Your childbearing years are not at an end yet. But wouldn't it be nice to be married without having children for awhile? That means getting some married years up front for just enjoying married life together. He's not taking that into account.
Tell him that you need a more realistic schedule and a ring and some wedding plans. See what he says.
2007-10-16 01:50:17 · answer #2 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My best friend just broke up with her bf of 3 years because he wouldn't propose either, I guess getting married isn't for everyone. I wouldn't waste your time on him anymore and find someone with a family mind set. My husband and I got married after dating 2 weeks we have been happily married for 10 years and have 4 kids, We had our daughter just 9 months after we were married.
There is nothing you could say or do to make him change his mind and you dont want to force him into anything he will later regret or resent you for.
2007-10-16 01:40:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He isn't going to marry you or have children with you. Read what you wrote. "He keeps telling me" If he keeps telling you then you keep asking and that IS nagging. He is telling you what you want to hear to shut you up and has expressly told you that. Face the truth and make your choice on based on reality.
2007-10-16 01:46:05 · answer #4 · answered by Lost Leo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gosh your problem is more complicated than mine..But i guess deep down in any girl we want the guy to want to marry us because he wants to- not because he s forced...what you can do is maybe multidate..no intimacy of course but look around..maybe that would help? wow..this guy is 36 and he still dont want to settle down..and you are 23 and want to settle down..life is full of ironies..
2007-10-16 01:47:54 · answer #5 · answered by GIna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you really need to sit down and discuss this in detail with him --- how you feel and what you both want from the relationship --- if you cant find common ground then you both need to decide what is most important --- the relationship or external factors ---- best wishes
2007-10-16 01:44:21 · answer #6 · answered by Waterdragon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think him miss leading you is mean.
That was just wrong.
Maybe you should leave.
for a weekend and see his reaction then make a better decision from that.
2007-10-16 01:38:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him how you feel! communication is key in any relationship, and you should tell him all of this, not the yahoo answers community!!!!
2007-10-16 01:38:14 · answer #8 · answered by sexychick2009 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋