He has a violent temper...?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been going out for 8 months. I love him and he was the first one to tell me he loved me. He works 80 hrs a week and I work 40, plus I am taking 16 college hours. We try to see each other every night. About 4-5 times in the past 8 months he has said he would call and he never did. I have never doubted his faithfulness although one time about 5 months ago he did "peck" another girl on the cheek/neck and begged to get back with me after I had thrown a drink in his face. We have had some really hard times, such as his ex always bothering us. He has a really violent temper and has thrown and broken items before. We haven't fought in a long time, but I am so scared it could happen again. He gets mad if I say I'm scared it could happen again.

Am I wrong to feel this way, what should I do?

Thanks!

Answer 1

No, you aren't wrong to feel that way. That's your internal alarm system detecting a red flag. Guys with violent tempers don't change. He can say it's because of all the pressure he's under because of work, but life is full of pressure whether it's from work or home or both. He may work 80 hours a week, but he finds enough time to see you and "peck" other girls. My advice, and I'm speaking from experience, is to get out now while you still can.

Answer 2

Oh honey, a bad temper is just the tip of the ice berg. In many ABUSIVE relationships there is a constant cycle of destruction/abuse(him throwing things around, intimidating you through physical violence, hitting you) and then the make up(him begging to be back in your life, promising he will never do this again even though a month or so it happens again etc)

This is not a relationship you should be in. You sound like a great person, on your way to accomplishing a lot of things in life, a man like him can and most likely WILL do a lot of HARM.

Be courteous and tell him that things are just not working out or you should have a break in the relationship but know this: If he hit you once or broke your things and you forgave him than it is not hard at all to do it again.

Answer 3

I know its hard and probably not the answer you want to hear but if you are scared of him then you need to leave.

You can try to talk to him about it and see what he says, maybe he can change, but keep in mind it may trigger something that you don't want to see.

My husband threw a glass once, before we were married, he did not throw it at me, he just threw it. I left him, I did go back but I told him if he ever did it again I would be gone in a heart beat. There is no reason for violence of that nature from either side in a relationship. I grew up in an abusive household, my mother would get mad and shatter every dish in the cabinet. There is no reason for that, it scares the crap out of me and I explained that to my husband, he understood and has never done it again.

Just remember that weather he throws it at you or not it is still violent and you (nor anyone else) don't need that in your life.

Answer 4

If he has a violent temper that should be a warning sign itself.8months is not long enough to really know a person but looks like you have already seen some of the worse in him.If he is messing around and tells you lies then what is the use of staying with him.You are better off without him or you may end up dead with someone who has a violent temper.

Answer 5

First of all I can so relate to your situation. You only love/care about him a whole lot, but dont make yourself paranoid by thinking you're wrong for feeling that away, bc he sounds like my fiance, sometimes, the guys get mad at us about thinking they'll do it again bc they feel guilty about it. He only feels guilty, and he should've never kissed that girl, I would have to keep a close eye on him after that, I mean still love him and everything, but watch him, and don't mention to him that you're scared, he wants you to trust him, even though it maybe hard , for it to get better just show him that you love him, as crazy as it may sound this may sound it may only be a phase. Also, don't be seeing each other everyday, you need some space or else, you'll get tired of one another quickly, don't get obsessed, it's healthy in a relationship to be separated for a while, bc when you miss each other your love grows. Good luck girl!

Answer 6

No you are not wrong. Let me tell you something if you are scared after only 8 months then you need to leave. I had an Aunt that was killed by Domestic Voilence about 10 years ago. She was always scared but never left. She left behind two kids (my cousins) that my Grand mother had to raise. You should leave this BOY and move on.

Answer 7

If you can't be honest and tell your BF that you are afraid when he acts a certain (and frightening!) way, you are better off without him.

I think you know his being the first to tell you he loves you may or may not mean he loves you, right? But that he wants to get in your pants?

Breaking up is never easy, but you need to do it in public, where if he gets violent, you can have witnesses and help. Try Starbucks or the mall.

Staying w/ this guy is nothing but trouble and heartache for you. Listen to the news... you hear about those husbands who killed their ex wives (or current wives) and kids, then fled? Those marriages started out like YOUR relationship w/ this guy. Be smart and dump him fast.

Answer 8

relationship need trust and understanding, even honesty. If he really love u, he will not fool around with other girls and u have the right to be angry,

For what i see u are not in the wrong, why not leave him now so u want be hurt again, tell him nicely "i need time off, forgive me" tell him the reason why u choose to leave him, if he can change his way it good if he cant, i am sorry hun , leave him

My husband and I have problem to he loves me but the way his drink to much and always hurt my feelings. I wanted to leave him i really do. Even my parents ask me to leave him. He say to me every time pls don't leave me, The reason i don't leave him not because i m pregnant because i know he can change,

Answer 9

No, you have every reason to be worried. If he can't control his temper who's to say what he could do? My dad had a violent temper when he was married to my mum. He hurt her - and us - physically as well as phsychologically. He's been with his girlfriend now for 5 years and they have only ocassionally had a raised word, nothing more. Different people bring out different responses in people.

Answer 10

I was playing with matches one time and had the time of my life... 2 days later same book of matches and I burnt down my fathers barn and killed 7 horses 30 chickens and 3 pigs. So I learned my lesson I don't play with matches in the barn anymore......... This is how stupid your question sounds. he only cheated once , he only got violent once. Duh how many times does he have to pull a trigger or stab you with a knife. Girl just leave why wait to see your battered face on the 6:00 clock news?