Guest list...?

Question

Realizing that we all have to invite some people we really don't want to invite to our special day...where do you draw the line?

I have third cousins off in Nowhereland that I'm being told "definitely need to be invited" because they're Family. (Now, I'm not Italian, nor am I in any sort of "Family" if you catch my drift.)

I also have coworkers who assumed they're invited because we spend oh so much time working together (ahem, sarcasm). Now they're talking about coming with their dates and kids and...man...how did that happen? I haven't even sent out save the date cards yet!

So how can I tell these beloved coworkers and relatives who I've never met that they are not invited? And I can't use the excuse of "we're planning a small wedding" or "we have a budget". Word spreads fast with these people, and they already know this isn't the case.

Any ideas for getting the point across without coming across as rude? Brutal honesty works for me :)

Answer 1

It is hard because you do not want to offend anyone but you have to draw the line, we were very limited so we had to be strict, but to be fair I have not seen my cousins for around 20 years, so there was no way I was inviting them (I have never been invited to any of their weddings/engagements/birthdays/christenings etc) and we decided not to invite just casual acquaintances from work, only people that had been real friends to us. Those co-workers will soon realise that they are not invited when they don't get an invite, just make it known very early on (like now) that you are restricted due to space at the venue, for health and safety reasons you cannot have more than a set number, that is a valid excuse and one they cannot argue with .

Answer 2

We wanted to limit our guest list so this is how we did it.
Firstly anyone we've never met we didn't want to meet at our expense. This was distant relatives, coworkers partners and "family friends".
Secondly, we told people that the only children were in the bridal party and their siblings.
Thirdly it's YOUR wedding u should only invite the people u want to celebrate with u.
If your family is paying for the wedding then they do have the right to invite some people but give them a number. We told our mum's they could invite 5 people each (we only had 80 guests and 55 were family) if they wanted to.
Lastly be honest with people. I told friends and co-workers well before hand that I wouldn't be inviting them or their partners and most people are understanding. I have also been on the recieving end of "not sure if we can invite you" amd fully appreciated my friends honesty.
GOOD LUCK

Answer 3

This is what many brides face. Whenever there's a wedding being planned -- everyone wants to come. Estranged family members who you haven't seen or spoken to since you were 5 calls to know when and where the wedding is going to take place. Before things get out of hand and you have 350+ people coming to your wedding -- stand your ground.

When these coworkers of your ask for an invitation, you could respond with "the wedding is only for family members and my closest friends." Or just smile and say nothing. As far as your family that NEED to be invited. Tell your parents (or whoever is saying that) that you don't know them and aren't comfortable with them being there even if they are family. In the end, it's your choice who to invite. Don't extend invites because of guilt or someone pressuring you.

I also agree with Tara. The same thing happened to me. A coworker said she was going to come and she didn't. I didn't really want to invite her anyway but I felt bad because others that I was closer to were invited...

Answer 4

Draw the line at first cousins. Second cousins are not immediate family. Just tell them you want to keep costs reasonable and don't want to spend a fortune. If they ask, say 'we are paying and we don't want to spend a fortune'. You don't need an excuse. Just tell them the truth, it's your wedding, do it your way and invite who you want. You should only invite people to your wedding who you really want there. The co-workers are getting way too ahead of themselves and are rude to assume they are invited. Many people don't invite people form work and that's fine! Just tell them sorry you are only having family. Don't listen to anyone who says certain people 'have to be invited'. It's not their damn wedding! It's yours. No one can tell you who to invite. Who do they think they are? If parents are saying this and they are helping to pay then listen to them and take their concerns into consideration as it is polite, but at the end of the day, it's up to you.

Answer 5

I think your best bet is to just not invite them, and if they ask, tell them you had to end your guest list somewhere. Also, I don't think it has to be all or nothing, either. My husband and I invited some of our co-workers, but not all of them. We invited the ones we liked, and didn't bother with the rest. If you mail out the invites, there's no reason why the ones who didn't get an invite should know who did. It might seem rather rude to some people, but there's no need to invite unwanted guests.

Answer 6

They'll figure it out when they don't get a save the date/invitation. If they are rude enough to ask why, simply tell them "we had to make some hard decisions. I hope you understand" and leave it at that.

I invited some people I worked with because I felt I had to- one said she was coming and didn't show, nor did she give me a gift ($125 out the window). I felt I had to because she sat next to me and had been so interested and excited in all of the details. I regret it! Don't invite anyone you don't want there.

Answer 7

Only invite people you truly want to have at your wedding, you will absolutely regret inviting people you were hesitant about.

Everyone who thinks they're coming will get the hint when they don't receive their invitations. If they ask you about it, tell them the truth. If you don't want them there, because you aren't close to them, then say so.

With situations like this, honestly is usually always best.

Answer 8

To be polite, you don't have to invite everyone you've ever met, but its an "all or none" sort of thing. For instance, you can't invite just some of your cousins or some of your coworkers. If you are inviting any coworkers (who aren't friends outside of work), you have to invite them all. But if you aren't inviting coworkers (and I personally don't see why people feel obligated to invite people they only see during work), then just tell them that although your wedding is on the larger side, you have a certain limit to how big your guest list can be, so you're not inviting any coworkers.

Answer 9

you do no longer could desire to invite each and every person's toddlers, whether they are adults. You DO could desire to invite people's spouses, regardless of the incontrovertible fact that. you may no longer purely invite your uncle and make your aunt stay at domicile. You no longer could desire to enable people carry a date in the event that they are single. in the event that they are married, engaged, or in a extreme relationship, regardless of the incontrovertible fact that, you may desire to invite their companion/fiance(e)/boyfriend or female chum. you may no longer separate a pair. if your in-rules can purely have the money for to pay for a hundred twenty five people, then you definately and your fiance can disguise something. if your guy or woman mum and dad are asking you to ask greater people than you may have the money for, say something like, "we'd be satisfied to try this, yet we are able to purely have the money for to ask a hundred twenty five people. in case you like to ask everyone else, the cost is $x according to individual. in case you pays for them, then we can gladly invite them." the two locate the thank you to trim the customer checklist to a hundred twenty five without aside from spouses, or detect a greater venue.

Answer 10

sorry, it is only close family and old friends

they are very rude is they ask , assume or pressure you in any way