Dating a divorced man, a sin?

Question

I am dating a man who is divorced. I can honestly see myself marrying him, but as I am trying to become a stronger Christian, I need some advice.

I was brought up believing that divorce is a sin except for unfaithfulness, and if a woman marries a man that divorced for anything else, that is adultry.

My boyfriend divorced his exwife for many reasons, but one of the main ones was because she became addicted to drugs. Also he is 99% positive that she DID cheat on him.

He had a different perspective that I had never thought about. When a spouse is unfaithful, they chose someone else over them. Well, his ex wife chose drugs over him and his daughter and neglected their marriage. He believes this is also a form of unfaithfulness.

I would like to hear your opinions. Don't just say "God said so"; if you want to give scriptures that is fine.

DO you think all rules in the Bible are cut and dry, or do you think some thigns change over time or could be interpreted differently?

Thanks for the answers so far! A few details that might help you answer...

1)please, if you are a non-Christian please do not answer. I want to strengthen my relationship with God, and I want a Christian perspective.

2)He is a strong Christian and we put Christ as the center of our relationship. We often pray together and talk about the Bible. So, he's not just a random divorced guy...he is a good man, a great father to his little girl, and puts God first in his life.

Thank you everyone.

Answer 1

love is not a sin , if he loves you & you love him there's no reason not to marrie

Answer 2

I think that rules can change over time. This was proven by Christ himself who originally changed the Mosaic laws of divorcement to suit the times. He said that if you marry someone who has been divorced you commit adultery. However, the world has turned many times for the worse since then and the divorce rate stands at 50%. I believe as a Christian that now it is acceptable to marry a divorced person.

Answer 3

All sins are forgiven by Christ, divorce, is not necessarily a sin, it is just not God's plan, he does however, allow it because he knows that people are imperfect and don't always do the best thing. If your boyfriend is a christian, and has prayed about the divorce it is fine for you to date him.

"he without sin cast the first stone"

I am a student in Christian counselling and family therapy, this is a hot topic for the class.

Answer 4

No don't think like that just understand that things happen and we live and learn from our mistakes. I'm sure when God made the world and made the rules (Commandments) for us to obey he took into consideration that none of His children would ever be perfect; so I strongly believe he left room for error and then IMPROVEMENT. I'm sure if you love this man and he now in return loves you he has learned drastically from his pervious marriage and will work like hell not to damage the one with you. I strongly believe we are a nation of second chances and we shouldnt hold nothing against someone who has made a mistake cause we all have FALL SHORT of God's grace. But, through God we have learned that if you ask for forgivness and confuse with you heart then He grants forgivness so why can YOU??? Love him as if you would anyone else and help him understand God and why marriages are so dear to Him.

Answer 5

Firstly, you didn't say if he is a believer in Jesus Christ.

That makes a huge difference.

If he is a believer, then I would recommend he ask his wife straight out if she cheated on him.

Since they are not together, she has nothing to hide. Unless she has hope of getting back with him.

As for using drugs as a substitute for unfaithfulness, they are not the same. I was married and my ex was caught up in drugs and still is today. I devorced her and found out later she did cheat on me. She traded sex for drugs. Most who get caught up in the demonic hold of drugs more times then not will use sex to trade for drugs.

If the ex does not tell him she cheated, then you can go to your church and get the brothers to pray for an answer from God to if she was unfaithful to him.

Answer 6

I admire your search for the truth in this. One thing to remember, is that the Bible went through a couple languages from its original text before it was put into a language that we could comprehend. Everything is open to interpretation, that is a part of our Free Will.

Another thing to do is to seek out that "rule" that says dating someone who is divorced is a sin. Don't ever just follow what someone tells you without looking it up first, cross-referencing helps to work out all of the confusion.

I do not think that dating someone who is divorced is a sin. Think of it this way, not every marriage is meant to be. Sometimes we marry someone we think we love, or that we think is right for us, just to later find out that they are not and we were probably better off as friends.

God is not going to look down on you for finding love in someone who has been married once before. Love is what it is all about. Unconditional love to be specific. Remember that when Jesus walked among us, he told us to "Love thy neighbor..." He didn't say to not listen to the word of God, he just emphasized Love, and forgiveness.

That is another thing: forgiveness. If it truly is a sin, and you don't know, don't beat yourself up over it. A lot of people are going to tell you that it is a sin, but will they actually hear your story? Probably not, and if they do, it may just be a front.

I'll try to wrap this up, sorry to have taken so long. My dad is on his third marriage. The first ended with the death of my mother, the second was a sad mistake and thus, ended with divorce (she was cheating on him, and using us all for her own benefit). The third one, is nothing short of a miracle before my own eyes. The two of them are so perfect for each other that it's creepy! (Lol, I'm kidding, its not really creepy).

If you two are happy, faithful to one another and in love with the other, you've got nothing to worry about. Remember, our God is a loving God. He wants us to be happy in the long run.

However your perception of God may be, however you come to find God, God is there, and always will be, forever showering us with his love.

Blessings to you and I hope you come to find some resolve to this whole thing.

If you want to talk about it, feel free to IM or email.

~Adrian~
~quiet.light@yahoo~

Answer 7

hunni listen to your heart if you love this man the fact that he was married before shouldnt matter a bit.... His wife basically left him when she chose the drugs over him and their daughter.She chose to have an affair with the drugs she is now addicted to she cheated him and their daughter so yes she was unfaithful to their marriage vows .real life isnt as cut and dried as the bible says and there are quite a few "fine christians" out there that tend to quote the bible at people when some of them are not as perfect as they want everyone to believe, Go with your heart if you love him and his daughter and you want to marry him then do it you will regret it if you dont. i wish you well xx

Answer 8

Divorce does not make you evil.
Perfectly fine people change, and don't get along with each other anymore, and there is no reason for two people to be miserable for the rest of their lives just because some person said it is a sin.
Crap-
God wants you to be happy, right? Marry the guy!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

If a man has a woman who cheats on him, he has every right to get divorced. Remember, adultry is a terrible sin in the eyes of god. I do think that things do change over time and that your boyfriend deserves to happy again in every way possible. Keep dating him, he needs someone.

Answer 10

I've done some Bible study one that subject. See http://www.bcbsr.com/topics/marry.html

Bottom line is it is not till divorce do you part. Marriage lasts the life of the spouse. Neither divorce nor adultery nullify a marriage. Only death nullifies a marriage.

"Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery." Mark 10:11,12

See, how could it be adultery if divorce nullified the marriage?

By the way, I'm divorced and I'm staying divorce until my wife is willing to reconcile.

Answer 11

The bible never says that divorce is a sin...it says that as long as they tried to work it out or if either cheated that divorce is perfectly fine in his eyes...I think this was mentioned in Exodus but i'm not positive...you can look it up in your concordance in the back of the bible. But if someone ever tells you divorce is a sin its not true...but it still shouldn't be used as the first option. you should try to work it out at least a bit