How to ask someone who is breaking complex policy to be more considerate, without making them even worse?

Question

I live in a fairly large apt complex. This happens all the time, this morning it went like this:

Man pulls up in car, stops, honks his horn (3 ~1 sec blasts). He waits a minute or two, he honks again. He repeats cycle 4 more times, blasts getting longer each time.

I greet him pleasantly, no emotion. I ask politely if he wouldn't mind calling whoever it was, or walking to the door, instead of honking.

To answer his questioning look. I note that using a horn that way is against state/city law, and complex policy. I also tell him that it's distracting, as I work from my home/office -- all very polite. He says no problem, parks, and walks into the complex.

Shortly after, they get in the car to go, but first, he honks his horn 5 long blasts -- a little pay-back, with his rude knob now cranked up to 11!

Is there a way to say: hey, that's disturbing, and against the rules, please stop -- that doesn't make them want to irk just me, 3x worse than before I asked them not to

Debbie V:

Strangely the PD doesn't see this sort of thing as high priority, but even if was, 99% of the time the honker would be long gone when they got here. They will not act on my reports, and I cannot make a citizen's arrest for an infraction...

Most troubling, if politely asking them to stop invokes a desire to "get even" (for what I'm uncertain), what kind of payback would calling the cops bring me?

I have written letters to the complex when I'm able to identify the resident, but that isn't often easy when they come from a unit that's beyond my view (which would be nearly all of them) and trying to track them down takes time, draws more fire, and leaves some under the impression that I'm a nut-job.

What I was kind of hoping for was some kind of social engineering trick, to bypass their basic tendency to become angry and lash out at anyone that questions their conduct, no matter how far out of line it happens to be.

Thanks

Chris Mc:

I think your observations are spot on, hard for something impractical to enforce to command much respect.

I really don't see myself joining their affront to fight back... If I had something I could hold against their door, that would blast just them it might be amusing to consider. Otoh, standing on someone's doorstep right up against their door, to focus an annoyance on them is a big step up from sitting in the parking lot and blasting the area...

Hey I didn't say *everyone* thinks I'm a nut-job! Just a few! :-) But your idea of pretending to think they're honking for me is intriguing! Maybe I hop in the passenger seat and start chatting like a run-away freight train, pretend I'm on my way to work with him, and then "discover the mistake" just before we leave the complex. Not sure whether it would make them think twice next time, but at least I'd get a good laugh and some exercise out of it. :-)

Thanks!

Traveller,
The problem is larger than this one incident, I'm looking to refine my tactics. I don't talk to all of them, not even close. Most honk once, rider comes out, they leave -- annoying, but pointless to even look. If I see a resident's abuse pattern over months, I write the mgt, which does help some, and never draws backlash.

Note keyword 'home/office', not many other residents at home during work hours, which cuts the mob size to the bone.

He sat there for ~7 mins; at 1-2 min intervals he does 3 blasts -- short at first, increasingly longer each time. After 4 or 5 sets of blasts, I'm irked, and he needs a new plan!

As for your last comment: how did state/city noise laws become silly rules? That they are on the books makes it clear I am not alone. They put the inappropriate nature of his conduct in perspective, and seemed a more substantial reason than merely my ire.

So what, loud noises no big deal to you? Your job doesn't require you to think much, does it?

Omni:

For sure if I this maggot draws my fire again, I won't waste any more manners on him. For those who repeatedly show their disregard, my words become quite pointed. One wanker a few years age was a real prize; I printed a shipping label that said, "To any peace officer, please stop me and give me a ticket for being an ******" and tried to put it on his back bumper a couple times. His body is now anchored with plenty of scope in about 600 fathoms off the So Cal coast. (j/k) :-)

As for threats of violence, I don't want to promote escalating to that, someone starts throwing blows, the cops come and try to decide who's telling the truth, amidst all of that he said, she said bullshit... not good, ideally not necessary. Anyone overhears me making threats, my credibility takes it up the hoohah.

But if someone I confront insists on violence as the only resolution, I suppose he'll leave me no choice but to trust my own self-control once he's on the ground. :-)

Answer 1

I say 'chuck' the social graces and re-confront the puke a little less sensibly this time. Swear at him a lot, foster that nut-job, wild-eyed appearance, keeping the immediate threat of physical violence foremost in his puny, graceless brain.
Call him on his childish actions, questioning his manhood and legitimate birth and citizenship.
If he persists, maybe we'll just hafta ground n' pound some manners into his spleen.

Answer 2

Same man all the time? Or different people and you go approach all of them?

If same man, then approach the person he is honking for, deal with it through the person who lives in the complex.

HOWEVER, if this was at a decent hour, you were up and working, etc., I think you are WAY over reacting and trying to control your environment too much. It isn't worth the stress for a few horn honks....a few times perhaps a week?....and the upset that it causes you and others. Not knowing all the details it may be worse than I think, but if it is truly bad, there must be MANY in the complex willing to march on the apartment of the person who lives there, carrying torches and threatening bodily injury to that person. If not, then it is you alone, and I'd DEAL WITH IT and get over it.

Do you realize how silly you sounds talking about rules, rules rules; this sounds like kindergarten stuff.

Answer 3

I hate to say it, but there is not a way to do this. You can ask your manager to remind tenants of the law, but if they don't enforce it, its unlikely anything will change. Overall your best bet is to learn that several member's of society are jerks who know they can get away with being jerks.

The only way I could think of for getting them to stop doing this is to follow them to their homes and honk back.

Or since everyone thinks you're a nut-job. Run out to this honking car (prefarably in a bathrobe) and say " Oh My God, I had no idea you needed me right this second!" OR "What's the emergency, are you hurt, did you break your leg?" Their answer will of course be no and then you could politely ask them to quit honking at XXX number of people's homes. If they want that one person, they should go get that one person.

Answer 4

Do your best to ignore it. It is rude, but sometimes you have to grit your teeth, take a deep breath and know that it will pass. Or you can have a confrontation. He isn't likely to change and most apartment complexes are reluctant to get involved in this type of thing.

This is getting strange and seems to have escalated all out of proportion. There are many more important things in life.

Answer 5

I think that's a question for your complex manager, or the city police.